A Belated Giving of Thanks and Drink

While I am thankful for my wife, my soon to be born child, my dog, my parents and siblings, this year the Thanksgiving holiday has been marked by utter destruction and chaos. I am particularly thankful for tools borrowed from family, the best of which are as follows:

A badass handheld sledge hammer, which if used correctly can put any furniture bashing in _Gummo_ to shame. In two days the kitchen has been utterly demolished.

Various and sundry crowbars. I had the luxury of using three. Which was nice. The kitchen had two layers of Congoleum vinyl flooring on top of a flake board (1960s version of MDF, but not as hard or heavy) and then the original linoleum. That’s three floors to remove.

A reciprocating saw. The importance of this in any remodeling job cannot be understated. One must have this tool to cut through anything. I believe it was this tool that started me dragging my knuckles and beating my chest upon cleaving the laminate countertop in two. Details are fuzzy at this point.

A suitable anti-inflammatory medication. I have taken approximately 2400 mg of these per day of demolition. I’m still sore and stiff and feel like I’m 87.

Libation for consumption upon completion of each day’s tasks.

Now we just have to put in new floor, lights, cabinets, plumbing, dishwasher and paint. Maybe the libation needs to come right about now.

  • http://www.digitalcatharsis.com the mighty jimbo

    i’m all about paying obsecene amounts of cash to a contractor and skipping right to the libation part.

  • Kourtney

    Oh, I do so love the feeling of a power tool in my hands… I transmogrify from “oh, she’s an accountant” into “SHE-GIRL!”, master of the known universe, master of all she surveys, and yes, I know how to use this damn air-nailer, get outta my way. Did I mention that I used to be a contractor before I caved in & got an office job? Oh, how I miss the compound sliding mitre saw.… And yes, that was MASTER, and thank you, I’ll be the chairman of the board as well. None of this namby pamby gender correct business. “Chairperson.” Ha.

  • http://www.renominator.com brent

    Reciprocating saws rock — but wait until you try the Hilti hammer drill. Or, even better, the jack hammer. Oh yeah.

    But then, after all the destruction, comes the real work that ends up taking four times as long as even your longest estimate, until you loathe Home Depot/Lowes/Insert Big Box Hardware here so much that just the thought of entering one makes you retch, and you’ve taken ten years off your life because you convinced yourself thirty-four times that you didn’t need to wear a mask since THIS was just a “small” job you were doing so why bother, and you lose your hearing and hair, and you wish you had the money to just hire that damn contractor, and then, whew, you finally finish, and it looks great to everyone and you feel a sense of satisfaction — except that you’ll always see that place that no one else ever notices, the one where you mis-measured or used the wrong tool/material/curse, and you’ll promise to never do another damn thing on the house as long as you shall so live…until you read about a reciprocating saw on a blog, and the juices get flowing again…

    Not that I have any idea.