Help Wanted

I’ve tried writing different versions of this post over and over again. In my head, sitting in front of a computer and walking around the house talking to myself, possibly to the detriment of my relationship with Heather. It freaks her out when I talk to myself, because my lips move, but I don’t say anything. Or I mumble. Frankly, it freaks me out when I realize I’m doing it and I typically do it during periods of stress.

This (new parenthood, watching helplessly as Heather has battled various post partum diseases) has been the longest period of stress in my life. My work life hasn’t helped in the least. DISCLAIMER: this site and the opinions expressed herein are not associated with my employer in any way, nor do they represent the opinion of my employer. The opinions herein are solely mine and those of the persons commenting.

After a lot of thought and having to take Family Leave to help Heather through this rough time, I have determined a course of action. What I need to do is quit the job I have after finding a job where I can work flexible hours from home. Preferably, this job would have insurance benefits. I realize those jobs are hard to find, and so, dear readers, I’m asking for assistance. Do any of you know of any open positions or have need of a brilliant mind to help your business? I have a penchant for creative-based businesses or businesses that are open to taking creative approaches to solving problems and not just marketing problems, either.

My background is diverse. I am an art director who can write copy, but prefers to stick to headlines or concepts. As such, I have managed projects on many levels, and I’m not afraid of that end of things. I have print and web experience. I have ecommerce consulting (architecture, purchase process analysis and execution) experience. I can code CSS, (X)HTML and a smidge of ActionScript. I have content management experience. While being hit hard from the dot com explosion, I still believe in the power of the internet to change lives. I am enjoyable to work with and work my ass off. Like most humans, I do better in environments where my opinion is valued; where I have a say in things and at least get to be heard. I hate doing mindless production for longer than a few days at a stretch, but will do it when necessary and if needed. Often, this end of things takes away from doing what I love. My skills are geared to an analysis of a problem, suggesting a few methods to solving it and then using a variety of approaches to execute the final solution. I favor using a persona-based approach to interactive design (and building a brand) and would hope that wherever I go next appreciates a strategic (as opposed to tactical) approach to helping people have good experiences. I would hope that this thinking would be prevalent whether it involves contact with a marketing piece or a website or creating a wholly new experience that involves brilliant thinking and even more brilliant execution.

I am not a Flash whiz. I can churn shit out, but honestly, that’s not what I enjoy. I enjoy taking the time to think things through and then build a successful experience. I’m not like Prince, preferring to work solo. I’m like George Martin with the Beatles preferring to work collaboratively. I will fight for what I feel the right course of action is or the right creative choice is. I recognize my shortcomings and know people who do things better than I do and will recruit them when necessary.

I think Heather and Leta deserve a happier me who can give them the support they need. Can you help me?

Thank you in advance.

http://www.digitalcatharsis.com the mighty jimbo

i work for one of the biggest, badest, corporate giants in the world. yeah, i sold out, but we have awesome benefits and flexible work schedules and everybody works from home. i haven’t paid for a form of biz communication in four years, have racked up loads of FF miles and company stock, and until just recently have been real pleased with the overall experience. email me and i’ll see if i can find a spot. we certainly have lots of marketing com types. i’m happy to ask around, see which groups are growing and what they need.
http://www.stillinthebox.blogspot.com Robin Dorsty

I would first of all say that you should keep in mind that you guys are in the middle of the hardest time of childrearing, at least in terms of the need to constantly supervise and endlessly entertain. There are other difficult times ahead, of course, like when they’re teenagers and you want to strangle them, or when their all grown up and doing things you think are really stupid but have no control over, but let’s not go there at this moment…

Despite this, the idea of working from home is an appealing one, and if you are the type of person who doesn’t need the whip cracking right over your head in order to be productive, you’ll probably love it.

I wish I had a business. I would hire you. I don’t, but I do have a suggestion that may seem at first idiotic but which I saw actually work for a friend of mine. She got the latest edition of “What Color Is Your Parachute” (and I think she even got the workbook) and she went through it completely, doing all the various exercises and research. And at the end she was able to move out the area of IT that she was in and into one that was more varied and more creative. That was her goal. She swears she would never have been able to do it without the book.

You may find the book unhelpful. But I had the info and thought I was duty bound to throw it out there.

Good luck.
http://filemagazine.com Beerzie Yoink

i also work for one of the biggest, baddest, corporate giants in the world (a large technology corporation whose nickname has the past tense of the word “blow” in it), and i too will look around.

but beware the corporation. in my company, if you value family over work (i have three lovable little boys) you won’t climb high, and it has been my experience that these days corporate middle management clowns prefer to see the asses in the seats, if for no other reason than they can justify their own worthlessness.

good luck; you are a talented guy and i’m sure you will find the right path if you look hard enough.
S

I am a webgeek mom who works outside the home, and excuse me for saying so, when this wasn’t asked for, but I’ve noticed that Heather seems so extremely stressed out, and maybe she could use a new job herself. Getting out of the house and going to a job every day really helps me to appreciate my daughter more during the time we have together (think quality as opposed to quantity), and it helps for my daughter to go to school and make friends and learn new things. Working parenthood is tough, but I think for some people (and I include myself in this) stay at home parenthood is much tougher. I only say this because I see so much of myself in Heather’s experiences over the last several months (I was out of my mind for the first 6 months), and I know I am a happier person because I work.
Weez

What about switching roles with Heather and become a stay-at-hone dad? My husband quit his job with a bankrupt, name-changing telcom corporation, and has stayed at home with our 17-month-old son since he was born. I have a job that I love very close to home with great benefits and security. It works for our family. You just have to figure out what works for yours.
http://www.thehighsign.net lizpenn

I’ve suggested this before, and I’ll say it again: Heather should get a big fat book contract that would keep you afloat for a year or two (I would imagine she’s already been approached by agents about this, no?), allowing you the time to develop your own home-based business (you couldn’t ask for better publicity than the Blurbodoocery readership already provides you.) You’d probably have to hire someone to help out part-time with childcare, but it would be an investment in both of you eventually making a living doing what you want to do. Dooce is a publisher’s dream — an extraordinarily talented, prolific writer who already comes with a built-in fan base. All she needs is a book proposal (probably something based on, but not directly lifted from, her site) and she could start shopping herself around right now.

That said, I will also put the word out with my friends that DJ Blurb is looking for a jobby job for the immediate future. Good luck!
Dusty

Everytime I think it is rough…I just remember that my parents did it (4 kids and work), and my wifes parents did it (6 kids and work)…..I we agree that they never went wacko or cukoo. So we just push forward. Sometimes I do think our generation is so much more weaker and fragile than our parents/grandparents generations were.
Katie

I second the idea of Heather shopping around a book! I’d be first in line… Dooce is what gets me through the day.
http://www.suburbanbliss.net Melissa

I would love to help but I fear you and my husband are looking for exactly the same job.

Often, I feel resentment brewing over the differences between motherhood and fatherhood. Sometimes being the mother seems so much harder or maybe a better word is ‘different’ than being the father.

But still I have a lot of empathy for the ‘Dad/Breadwinner’ job that you guys do.

It is really hard to balance those roles, especially when you are sensitive and supportive.

I feel for you. And for Logan. And for all the dads.
http://temporarydisarray.blogspot.com Sara

I unfortunately am of no help because I hate my job and would not recommend my employer ONE BIT. However, I would hire you in a mf’ing second. For Dooce and Leta’s sake, as well as yours. Best of luck!
http://www.blurbomat.com dj blurb

Dusty, mental illness in our parents generation was handled much differently than it is now. Heather would probably have been institutionalized and I’d be leading a tragic, Thomas Hardy life raising sheep and hopping from farm to farm while my daughter worked in the house as a servant.

Employers, particularly in start-up mode, demand more from their employees than did employers in previous generations, save coal mining or serfdom. E-mail flies at us all hours of the day and night. We are expected to act promptly and with our shit buttoned. 24/7/365. I’ve worked for several start-ups. You can’t tell me it’s otherwise.

Our generation is not weaker. We are stronger. We put up with a barrage of attacks on our family life every single day. To buy a house in today’s world is different than it was for our parents. Our money doesn’t go as far as it once did. We work harder and more productively than any generation that has preceded us. We are not candy ass.

We have the power today to make our lives what we want, not what somebody tells us. We have the courage to stand up and say that we have an illness, and we shouldn’t be discriminated or suffer prejudices for it. We shouldn’t be afraid to live our lives in control. We have that power.

Don’t make me bust out the Chomsky.

I’m a good employee. I work hard. I do good work. I have skills. I’m looking for work that will let me help my wife survive. Got any leads?
http://mihow.com mihow

Oh, no no no! Please, by all means, bust out some Chomsky if you must. I love that motherfucker. I’ll bust me out some Chomsky as quickly as that bottle of whiskey during the obligatory dinner party. Chomsky makes for some excellent conversation.

Buying a house these days is a laughable adventure. I’m not entirely sure I can even discuss this area of present-day life. I get really worked up. Then again, I’m the idiot who choses to live in places like New York City, Washington, D.C. and San Francisco.

Then again, I’m not sure what’s scarier, owning a house and possibly not being able to pay the mortgage one day or not being able to afford a house and instead renting, growing old in a place that is and never will be yours.

Life sometimes terrifies me.
el

Dusty,
Our generation lives in a very different place than our parent’s generation.
Our society has gotten a lot better at some things while it stays in the ice age in other areas.
Mental illness is an example. We do a much better job of accepting mental illness in general and a really piss poor job of supporting the people who have it.
Another example: My son is developementally and physically disabled. It is only though the miracles of modern medicine and other sciences that he is alive today. But, now that “we” (i.e. the people on earth today) have figured out how to save those poor little babies, “we” don’t help their families take care of them. Most families like mine, and Jon’s, are constantly fighting poverty, experiencing loss of material possessions and trying to maintain our own sanity while we try to live in this world that has made so much “progress”.
In a past generation Heather would have been institutionalized, like my son, if he wasn’t already in a pine box. As it is, I have him to hold and love and for this I am grateful. But, wouldn’t it be nice if their lives and freedom didn’t cause so many other, sometimes equally difficult, struggles?
In our parent’s generation children died, the mentally ill were in rubber rooms and their families “coped”. Just like we do. They just weren’t allowed to talk about it.
mari

OT, but I just have to say that I highly doubt that someone suffering from PPD during our parents’ generation would have been institutionalized. Are you kidding? No way would the family practice doctor have recognized a disease like PPD. Someone like Heather would have been given a script for valium with unlimited refills and sent on her merry way. That said, I have to say that I admire how open and honest Heather is about her struggle with post-partum depression.
http://kiwi-kath.diaryland.com kath

I agree with mari, I think the most common response to PPD in the 60s and 70s was “mother’s little helper” — sedatives, tranquilizers etc. Of course, if Dooce was as outspoken as she is today, she might have attracted the “nice young men in their clean white coats”… Squeaky wheels got put away.

Good luck with job search; anybody’d be crazy to pass you up.
Dusty

I did not mean anything negative. I just have had and seen many of the same struggles, my wife has had some form of PPD with all 4 of our kids — and I got to see it up close for the last 2 as it was compounded by our move across country from our families (Utah to Omaha). I think the main reason that I use the “Well if my dumb ass parents could do it — then I sure as hell can” is because it is the easiest to rationalize.

I am thankful that I can sit in an air conditioned office and watch words scroll by on the screen and get paid to hit “Send” at least. But the funny thing is no matter how tough things get at home — No fealing is better in the world than that second I open the door each day to see the little monsters running towards me with their arms extended.
http://none joellen

s,

depression post partum or otherwise is a black evil demon “getting out of the house and going to a job” likely is not a miracle cure all. depression is akin to being stuck in a pool of tar like clay that you take one step forward to find yourself at times, buried futher in the shit.

whatever. I’m afriad I don’t know of any viable positions for you dj, but will keep my ear out and will stand by you both (well standing in the e-sense) telling you that it will get better.
http://r80o.com Mark

No sage words to offer here regarding the struggles of depression or PPD.

I just wanna know if:
a.) you’ll write a cover letter for me?
or
b.) you’ll sue my ass if I plagerize the hell out of this post and pass it off as my cover/resume’?

On a serious note, will you take piece-meal work or are you looking for the full-meal deal? I possibly could send stuff your way on a project-to-project basis.

Let me know.
Lisa

No jobs. Just good wishes for both you and Heather and beautiful Leta. I agree with one poster who said this part of parenthood too shall pass, but somedays just not fast enough.

I would say there is no way someone as talented as both of you are can’t find something cool to do. However, I know an awful lot of talented people wishing they could do their life’s dream.

Every generation comes with their attributes and detriments. My parents and grandparents generations weren’t expected to both be good parents and fulfilled people. You choose one or the other. My mother in law had severe post partum depression, and everyone just ignored the overwhelmed lady in the middle of the room.

I ate Twizzlers at the movies Saturday night and thought of Leta. Luck to you all.
http://papernapkin.typepad.com Sheryl

I have three kids, and while babies are wonderful yada, yada, yada, the first year of parenting sucks. Things will even out a bit more in another 6 months. That said, I will put the word out for you.
http://bluepoppy.omworks.com bluepoppy

I’m sending you the very best energies of support and I think you are very smart to put the request for help out here– you will get a response and you will be able to carve out a good scene that works for you and your family. I also wanted to pass along this site if you haven’t already seen it. It doesn’t offer a job but it can charge up creative types. http://www.gapingvoid.com
s

Joellen – I recognize PPD as an illness, but do you think somebody who is having those kinds of issues needs to be in constant contact with a baby from 8-5, 5 days a week and MORE? Getting away from stressful situations, or either getting the stress in smaller doses, is one step in the direction of learning how to cope with the stress.

Also I’d like to address this “previous generations” argument. Long ago, mothers had a huge support group of family and friends living nearby, or even in the same house. Support makes a HUGE difference in how people deal with stress. DJ Blurb, here, is only ONE MAN. He provides tremendous support for his family, but he is still just one man. In the 50s & 60s people lived further away from family and were more isolated, but things like bottle feeding (instead of breast) and general anesthetic during childbirth were en vogue – not to mention giving hard drug-style tranquilizers (like paregoric, which was even recommended for MY colic – which was probably lactose intolerance – in 1973) to screaming babies.

The current style of parenting is to go it alone, all natural, breastfeeding, in solitude with only a full-time working spouse as support. There is no wonder that depression is so prevalent. No support and no sleep, and being cooped up with a baby that you are still learning to care for, combined with post-partum hormones can make you have terrible thoughts. I speak from experience.
http://mihow.com mihow

Given the open-mindedness of how many of you feel about PPD, I wish Andrea Yates had had people like you on her jury. Hell, in her life.

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2002/03/14/yates_verdict/

The turning of one’s head is still happening – present day. We’re a long way from learning how to cope with this problem – this illness. Jon, it’s a good – no it’s a wonderful – thing you’re doing by trying to stay home and trying help her through this. Some women are left alone until there is only darkness.

I wish you both the best.
http://mihow.com mihow

P.S. I am not for a second comparing Heather to Andrea Yates. I am only pointing out an extremity.
Laura

Have you thought about working at a university? Okay, the pay sucks, but tons a flexibility and great job security and benefits…

I’m with everyone else – having just emerged from the hell that was “baby’s first year”, it does get a bit less all consuming. In the meantime, get help. Hire a babysitter or family member for a few hours a day so Heather can get out of the house. Without it, I’m not sure we would have maintained any sanity whatsoever!

Good luck!

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Help Wanted