Help Wanted

I’ve tried writing different versions of this post over and over again. In my head, sitting in front of a computer and walking around the house talking to myself, possibly to the detriment of my relationship with Heather. It freaks her out when I talk to myself, because my lips move, but I don’t say anything. Or I mumble. Frankly, it freaks me out when I realize I’m doing it and I typically do it during periods of stress.

This (new parenthood, watching helplessly as Heather has battled various post partum diseases) has been the longest period of stress in my life. My work life hasn’t helped in the least. DISCLAIMER: this site and the opinions expressed herein are not associated with my employer in any way, nor do they represent the opinion of my employer. The opinions herein are solely mine and those of the persons commenting.

After a lot of thought and having to take Family Leave to help Heather through this rough time, I have determined a course of action. What I need to do is quit the job I have after finding a job where I can work flexible hours from home. Preferably, this job would have insurance benefits. I realize those jobs are hard to find, and so, dear readers, I’m asking for assistance. Do any of you know of any open positions or have need of a brilliant mind to help your business? I have a penchant for creative-based businesses or businesses that are open to taking creative approaches to solving problems and not just marketing problems, either.

My background is diverse. I am an art director who can write copy, but prefers to stick to headlines or concepts. As such, I have managed projects on many levels, and I’m not afraid of that end of things. I have print and web experience. I have ecommerce consulting (architecture, purchase process analysis and execution) experience. I can code CSS, (X)HTML and a smidge of ActionScript. I have content management experience. While being hit hard from the dot com explosion, I still believe in the power of the internet to change lives. I am enjoyable to work with and work my ass off. Like most humans, I do better in environments where my opinion is valued; where I have a say in things and at least get to be heard. I hate doing mindless production for longer than a few days at a stretch, but will do it when necessary and if needed. Often, this end of things takes away from doing what I love. My skills are geared to an analysis of a problem, suggesting a few methods to solving it and then using a variety of approaches to execute the final solution. I favor using a persona-based approach to interactive design (and building a brand) and would hope that wherever I go next appreciates a strategic (as opposed to tactical) approach to helping people have good experiences. I would hope that this thinking would be prevalent whether it involves contact with a marketing piece or a website or creating a wholly new experience that involves brilliant thinking and even more brilliant execution.

I am not a Flash whiz. I can churn shit out, but honestly, that’s not what I enjoy. I enjoy taking the time to think things through and then build a successful experience. I’m not like Prince, preferring to work solo. I’m like George Martin with the Beatles preferring to work collaboratively. I will fight for what I feel the right course of action is or the right creative choice is. I recognize my shortcomings and know people who do things better than I do and will recruit them when necessary.

I think Heather and Leta deserve a happier me who can give them the support they need. Can you help me?

Thank you in advance.

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  • http://www.funbabytoys.com me

    Here is another idea…

    What you’re trying to do is jump ship, you could drown. I also hate my job anf what I do so did my wife, what we decided to do is use our “corporate” skills to move to the world you’re trying to get to by jumping. Ous sun is now 9m and I am very proud of how he is growing, and while I still work at my job,we are approaching our goals. In our case we wanted to run our own business which we now do, by openning a Toy Store and starting an e-site, http://​www​.funbabytoys​.com.

  • http://littlesambook.typepad.com/littlesambook samantha

    i think it’s amazingly brave and immensely loving that you want to stay home and not let Heather deal with it all alone during the day. I hope that somewhere out in the blogosphere someone will offer you a fantastic job. Sending good thoughts your way.
    Yeah, I noticed that Andrea Yates’ husband is divorcing her, after he said he wouldn’t. What a guy. Sickness and health and all.

  • danimal

    The big, lumbering behemoth company I work for has an opening for a junior designer, but certainly not anything commensurate with your skills. I’ll keep my eyes open.

    Also, as someone who has experienced clinical depression twice in his life, I want to share with you that I think you are doing EXACTLY the right thing. Support is really the only thing a spouse can give when a husband or wife is in the midst of a depressive “episode”. I know my wife was the rock I needed to get better.

    If you haven’t (and you probably have), call your insurance carrier or EAP and find out about behavioral health care. Therapy and meds saved my bacon twice.

    Good luck, man. Hang in there. It seems a little scary and hopeless sometimes, but she’ll rebound and the parenting will get easier in time.

  • http://homepage.mac.com/imjeffp Jeff

    > just wanna know if:
    > a.) youíll write a cover letter for me?
    > or
    > b.) youíll sue my ass if I plagerize the hell out of this post
    > and pass it off as my cover/resumeí?

    What he said.

  • adrien

    samantha–
    andrea yates’ husband is divorcing the woman who killed his five children, and you’re busting on HIS ass?! If your significant other killed your kids, would you stay with him?

  • http://mihow.com mihow

    Adrien, I’m busting his ass as well. Then again, he left her a long time ago, before she drowned her children. And he is partially responsible (as well as her shrink) for the death of his five children.

  • http://chanelbaby.typepad.com/chanelbaby Chanelbaby

    1. We have an opening for a creative production manager and you could work from home but I’m just wondering if that is challenging enough for you. You can always email if interested and I can tell you more.

    2. Break out the Chomsky

    3. I will keep my eyes open in future.

    4. I love me some mihow commenting.

    5. Did you know Dooce was in a NEWSPAPER ARTICLE in the Honolulu paper the week I was in Hawaii for a conference? Crazy. I can save it and paraphrase in an email in case you guys are interested. Ha how crazy.

  • Suzyn

    For those Chomsky folks (if you haven’t already seen it): http://​blog​.zmag​.org/ttt/

    You’re a good partner, Jon. Good luck.

  • http://productionmaven.blogspot.com JennB

    I really admire your sticktoitiveness, Jon. I admire you and Heather greatly — even though you’re scaring the pants off me because I’m having our first baby at the end of the year and I’m the steady breadwinner. I guess I would say, when the time is right, the perfect opportunity will come along for you. I know that sounds a little “new-agey” but I feel very strongly about that. In the meantime, I think your proactive stance and your incredibly impressive C.V. will get you quickly to that “right time”. I wish our company had more work, enough to job out. Have you considered starting your own business? It’s challenging in its own ways, but can be highly rewarding.

    Good for you, for being so supportive of Heather and her pre– and post-PD. The two of you are so strong together. You are perfect for each other.

  • http://www.blurbomat.com heather

    Perhaps you could ask your current employer about working from home and flex time and such (assuming you like your job enough to want to keep it). If you work for a pointy-haired boss, you might be out of luck, but you never know…

  • http://n/a Amanda

    I work for a university, and noticed that someone else suggested that above. Today, so many of our courses are offered in the online format, and those teachers are based any number of places, not just in the US, but all over the world. You could teach what you know from home in the distance education format. I once had a teacher who didn’t hesistate to rub it in that he was reading the classwork from a sunny island in the Caribbean.

    Just a thought. It could work. Contact me if you want e-mails for my employer.

    Whatever you find, good luck in your search. From reading both your and Heather’s blogs, I am certain that love will find a way.

  • http://kimba-bremen.diaryland.com kim

    since i’m in germany i really can’t help you jobwise but i just have to say that i’m sure you two can get through pretty much anything together. just like amanda said before! and please tell heather how awesome and brave i think she deals with her depression. i wish my mom would have done the same in order to give the people that loved her the chance to be there for her.. and if you can think of anything i could do here in germany — let me know..

    have you thought about getting an aupair? it’s a lot cheaper then a nanny and the cultural experience is a nice side-effect. i was an aupair for 5 kids and i loved the year, the kids and the family. then again — you might not like to have someone “strange” in the house.. just an idea.

    wishing you three the best of luck!!

  • http://nope Andrea

    1. Andrea Yates had a very extreme version of PPD, post partum psychosis. Possibly she should be in a mental ward somewhere, but not in prison. I was just relieved she didn’t get the death penalty, the way things are run in Texas. And I agree her husband is partly responsible, and he’s a b@$#@^d to divorce her (I didn’t know that until just now…grrr…). As someone who just recently went off of Prozac to deal with my own PPD, I was horrified and sympathetic for the whole Yates family, her kids and the lady herself (still thinking the husband should have got a clue and got her serious help much sooner).

    2. The _What Color Is Your Parachute_ book is great, even if you’re not interested in changing your field.

    3. Jon, if you work from home or do manage to find yourself a more flexible schedule, make sure you put family time in your calendar FIRST. My husband has been working a job that has “flexible” hours for a year and a half now, but I see him less now than I did when he worked an 8–5 office job (not to mention he’s making less money, because he’s strictly on commission and still sort of finding his way, AND we have to pay out the wazoo for private health insurance). He frequently puts his customers before us, which makes me feel very uneasy when I think of the baby we have on the way, and fearful when I imagine “WHAT IF I GET DEPRESSED AGAIN?” (and chances are, I probably will). All I’m saying is, remember the reason you’re wanting to do this in the first place, and don’t lose sight of that. I think you’re awesome to change your life this way for your wife. My husband only fell into this because he got sucked up in the layoffs from the lousy economy :( He’s basically a good man, but has trouble remembering his priorities.

  • kate

    I agree with a lot of the statements above. As someone who has suffered from depression for more than half of my (relatively young) life, I fear for the day I have children– something I desperately want to do. I am glad to have a loving, supportive partner who I know will dedicate himself wholly to having a child when the time comes.

    From the sound of Dooce’s posts, she’s suffered from depression for much longer than the label of PPD would cover. I can understand how pregnancy and all the hormonal changes that come with it and follow it can send someone into a tailspin, but it must be even harder to return to that same horrible fucking feeling again when so many external factors indicate that life is good. I know that in my own life, every bout carries the weight of the previous dozen-plus years of depression. Anyone who questions Dooce’s desire or *need* to get help obviously has never experienced the soul-searing, life-devouring pain of this disease.

    Jon gets my super-duper thumbs up approval for being such a trooper, and the beautiful shining Heather gets my best wishes. I hope you guys make each other laugh as often as you make me laugh.

  • http://www.blurbomat.com/ Karina

    Ditto what Kate said — word for word.

  • http://na Porkchop

    Jon — I’ll come over there and open a can of whoop ass on you if you don’t start calling me to discuss such things. Don’t give me a reason.…call me.

  • http://www.sixtycyclehum.org Duane Call

    One word: Amfucknway.
    You could turn all of your bloggbuddies into business parnters and customers. It’s beautiful and brilliant idea. Don’t be ashamed–it’s for the fam Jon.

  • Kimberley

    Have you seen the havoc your girl is causin’ on her site? You guys won’t have to worry soon, with all the people offering up all those deneiro’s … Good Luck Jon, and remember .. with the BlurboDoocery, ya’ll will be fine in no time!

  • http://www.missapropos.mu.nu Emma

    I really can’t add any supportive wisdom than has already been placed here, but I had a thought: have you approached your current employer with some sort of flex-time/work-from-home scheme? If it’s absolutely not possible, you won’t know until you ask. (Maybe that could best be a subject broached when/if you have some solid new job leads in your back pocket…)

    Things won’t always seem so dire, I promise. It’s such a damned clichÈ but someday, you really WILL look back on this time and LAUGH.

  • http://www.donthaveone.com Evelyn

    Jon and Heather, there is one important step that can be taken immediately which is part of the road to re-establishing your balance and happy family life. That step is to banish alcohol consumption from both of your lives. It’s poison that makes you mentally sick. Get rid of it.

    My admiration for both ofyou knows no bounds!

    I agree, Heather getting away from the house, without Leta, for several hours a day would be a great idea. Mothering in solitude full-time is an insane practice and idea!

    Please listen weekly to http://​www​.kalw​.org on Sunday mornings at 11:00 a.m. local west coast time, to “Working With Marty Nemko” for the greatest inspiration not only with career fine-tuning/changing, but for truth about how staying home with baby full-time just doesn’t work for a lot of highly intelligent and creative women. It will become an essential radio program for you, a source of real support, as it has for me, and I’m not even looking for a career change right now!

    We love and support you two, can you tell?

    Evelyn
    West Suburban Philadelphia

  • Connie

    Once dooce gets settled on her new meds she is going to be feeling a lot better. I have been where she is…from careful reading of her site I would say maybe EXACTLY…it will get better.

    BLess you for being so supportive. A lot of guys don’t get that.

  • http://heather-anne.com Heatheranne

    Have you ever considered web design? People can make a ton of money doing that. Hell, I’ve even considered it. Or, have you ever thought about taking computer repair classes? I don’t think that would take long to do. There’s a guy that works on my husband’s and my computer out of his home and he makes tons of money just cleaning out all the spyware crap, fixing virus’s and worms and installing cool anit-virus and firewall things. That way you could work at home, create your own hours, have a challenging job, and make great money!!

    Good luck with whatever you and Heather decide!!

  • Sheila

    Web design! Eureka! There’s gold up in them thar hills.

  • http://talpidae.diaryland.com Shawna

    I do know a couple of people that make spare cash on ebay. I know it’s not the type of job you’re after but it is something both you and Heather could make a few bucks on in the meantime. Just a thought. I hope you find the job you’re looking for. Good luck and fight the good fight.

  • http://www.supersonicjane.com Jane

    I’ve been thinking about your post for a few days now, and trying to remember the name of a book I read a few months ago. I was doing a lot of research on having a baby and how that would impact my life and read tons of books, and although I can see the cover of this book in my head (blue, picture of psychologist author), I can’t figure out what it was called.

    I spent 2 hours searching on amazon​.com and eventually gave up, so now I will paraphrase.

    Basically, what the author suggested was that no one should be watching a baby alone for more than 4 consecutive hours. So what she suggested seems to point more toward both parents working part-time and hiring a babysitter (yes, I know, you kind of have to win the lottery to do this).

    So for instance, while Heather works (at home or somewhere else), you would be primary caretaker of Leta. Then Heather would take over while you work, and then you would need another person (family?) to watch Leta for another 4 hours, and then..maybe everyone would be sleeping the rest of the time.

    I know that financially, this isn’t easy to do. However, just working from home may not do it for you either unless you’re able to cut down your hours. If you work from home full-time, you’ll be distracted and unable to give 100% of yourself to Leta, Heather, or work.

    I’ve been depressed for 10 years now, and I have to say that having a schedule and just being able to find some time to be alone and read or go online and get away from everything helps me a lot. So that maybe it’s not so much that Heather needs you home, but that she either needs you to herself sometimes, or needs to be away from Leta.

    There are some part-time jobs that offer benefits– schools, large corporations– and if you both or one of you can find something like this, the temporary financial difficulty may be easier to take if you know that you and Heather will use your other hours to figure out a way to get the dooce schwag idea up and running.

    I don’t know if Heather is working outside the home or working a job that pays regularly, but if she doesn’t, I would recommend that she look into a part-time job that would, at the very least, get her out of the house, exposed to new ideas for her writing, and with some non-baby type people. If she knows Leta is safe with you during those hours she’s out of the house and bringing in money (even if she doesn’t particularly like the job), it may make it easier for her to leave the house.

    Parenthood sounds very very tough, even for people who aren’t going through post-partum and/or don’t have depression in general. I am sorry things are so tough for you all.

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