Children and Timing

Since getting back from Austin back in March I haven’t been running at full speed. Heather would argue that since I began working from home, I’ve been plagued with colds and bad mucous and a bad humour on certain days. And she would be right. After hemming and hawing since mid-March, I finally made a trip to the doctor. I brought Leta so Heather could have some quiet time and because I am insane. I thought it would be perfectly fine to have Leta with me at the doctor’s office, because she could see that it’s not always bad to see the doctor.

They threw us into a room with toys and a small table. Leta was doing great until about three minutes in. I had decided to let her play while I looked at a car magazine, the kind I never look at but reserve for moments like these. I look up and I notice she’s making some noise that doesn’t sound good. I can hear the doctor outside the room, and then the smell hits me. Perfect like a violin concerto in your high school cafeteria during a food fight.

I factor in the time it will take to run to the car and grab the wipes and a diaper, plus the noise from yanking Leta away from the toys would cause and any additional waiting time for a diaper change. Before I can decide to fight or flight, the door opens.

“Uh.… Hi, I’m Jon and this is Leta. She’s chosen the perfect time to.…” Before I can finish, the doctor says, “Poop?”

We finished the exam/appointment amidst the fresh, clean and spring-like scent of soiled Huggies. And now I get to let the Ambien® take over. Apparently, installing a new sewer line, having to pay for it out of pocket and having a kid have a blowout in a public place entitles me to sleep like a god.

← Older Comments
  • http://joeythegirl.blogspot.com/ Joeythegirl

    Ambien is AWESOME! I took it back in high school(12 yrs ago) and I didn’t take my mother’s warnings seriously. I was on the phone when I took my first pill and she told me to tell my friend that if I disappear or hang up on her it’s because of Ambien. I laughed and told my friend and don’t remember anything after that!

    I do remember my mom laughing while helping me up the stairs and walking me to my room. I remember lying back on my bed and staring at the ceiling and seeing the most beautiful circus, cirque du soleil style. It was better than any Acid trip I ever had! I passed out after struggling to stay awake to enjoy the visuals.

    Woke up 2 hours later and my mother not being the smartest individual on the planet, gave me 2 more which I gladly took. 14 hours later I finally woke up. No hangover.

    Needless to say, I suffered through withdrawls the next night because my mother refused to give me another one for 48 hours.

    I think you should have Heather video tape you when you take it and keep rolling until you finally pass out. You will get a good laugh watching it and if you post it, so will we! I’d pay $1.00 just to see it.

  • anneelizmary

    Djon!
    Good luck with the Ambien. Google it; they say you can eat a whole refrigerator of food without waking up. I say that’s excellent synergy.

    Actually, I had to write because anyone who will be a real man and spare his canine from fluffy pink cat ears is a Cosmo Dream Date–or whatever they’re calling them these days (I gave that stuff up for Lent in 1984. Now I have a large poodle and various cats in the bed, so Lamictal, Zanaflex, and a little sprinkling of klonopin does it for me.

    Cheers and continuing condolences on the sewer line cost. I’m sure the scars are impressive.

    A Devoted BlurbodoocerLetaDorg reader, who lives in the district of–the Congressman.

    Anne in Alabama (what the hell am I doing here?)

  • TripTikGirl

    I LOVE Ambien…if I don’t go to bed right away, I get this funny buzzed feeling. But sometimes it really affects my memory.

    Good luck!

  • http://electrolicious.com Ariel
  • http://www.justsayjes.com/blog jes

    Sabine: What? Tylenol PM is going to dissolve my liver? I never knew that!

    I guess I should stop chasing it with vodka, then.

  • http://www.slolane.org Twinmama

    I’m a Lunesta gal myself, but often prefer Xanax when I have trouble sleeping (which is a lot). I dunno how much Ambien goes for, but Lunesta is hair-raisingly expensive.

    As for over-the-counter pills: they’re garbage. They either don’t work or they work so well that you feel terrible the next day and can’t function. Or at least that’s how they work with me.

    There’s a reason the prescription stuff is more expensive, I guess.

    Anyway, so long as I pop a pill before 11 at night the morning hangover with both is pretty minimal. Ironically yoga does almost as well for me (Mrs. Kennedy is so right) but I can never get to a class anymore.

    I only wish they made a preschooler version of the pills.

  • http://www.udink.org/ Dennis

    Which costs more: Ambien, or six shots of Bacardi rum? Is it sad that my priorities lie with whichever costs less?

  • tksinclair

    I take Ambien. It does or can cause this weird amnesia. But, that said, it’s great. I just wouldn’t mix any form of child care with the Ambien. I take 2 chewable Melatonin (Cherry flavored from GNC), 1/2 a Trazedone and an Ambien and that’s all you’ll hear from me for at least 8 hours. The Ambien puts me to sleep but sometimes doesn’t “keep” me asleep which is why it’s so popular — no morning hangover. It’s got a short cycle. The Trazedone doesn’t put me to sleep but it will keep me asleep. (And you have to eat something when you take the Trazedone or it won’t work. Most people don’t get that) Oh, and the Melatonin — it’s Cherry flavored and I just take it for fun. It took me years to perfect the formula for perfect sleep. There is the recent rumor that people take Ambien and eat without knowing it and I’d believe it possible. Oh, and sex on Ambien is very cool. Of course sex without Ambien is very cool too. Hope you get a good nights sleep!

  • ikkepagrasset

    Ah, Ambien. I had kind of a bad break up with Ambien. It was fun while it lasted, but having a father who sleeps like the dead and friends who can’t tell if you’re tripping and call up at all hours of the night to meet at Perkins… well, lets just say I switched to Seroquel. On the whole I enjoyed Ambien much more, but it definitely wasn’t worth the “What the hell did I do last night, and why is everyone so pissed?” feeling.

    Hope things are going better than your most recent post indicates.

  • http://www.exiledintoyland.blogspot.com Toyfoto

    I don’t care if you can’t string together sentences anymore because of Ambien. Any man who would take a toddler to HIS doctor’s appointment makes you a superhero in my eyes.

  • http://www.hauspa.com scoxsmith

    Ambien has become my new best friend. Too bad my insurance will only pay for 15/month.

    Taking it made me realize how little I had actually been sleeping the past three years. (Your sewer line repair comes in at about a five on our scale of relative “what could go wrong now” badness; we had to do the exact same thing about ten years ago at our first house.)

    I’ve taken the Ambien off and on for about two weeks now, but I never take it till I’m in the bed and ready to sleep and I don’t take it if I have to teach a 6am class at the gym the next morning. I got good advice from my doctor when she prescribed it though. She said, “it’s like Nyquil, don’t take it until you’re where you want to be for the next eight hours.”

    I haven’t been as hungry during the day lately…

    I have to say, reading about Leta has often reminded me of similar situations I found myself in with my son, who’s now almost eight. Ahhh, the days before potty training.

  • kathrynaz

    “Apparently, installing a new sewer line, having to pay for it out of pocket and having a kid have a blowout in a public place entitles me to sleep like a god.”

    Or at the very least, like a congressman. Be careful out there! We wouldn’t want to be reading about you over Reuters or the AP…

  • jenjifer

    Ah Ambien. I’m guessing you’ve all heard about the esteemed Congressman from Rhode Island who is blaming Ambien for his 3 a.m. fender bender. Nah, couldn’t have been the booze.

← Older Comments