Dear god, Jon, you look positively half-dead in this video. Excellently done…

‘Victory is mine!!!’

Was it worth it, Blurbdude? Really. Was it worth all that?

And did you indeed win?

You may have won the battle, but son, you may well lose the war.

I shall pray that there is an end to this madness!

Wait a second! Somethings fishy here. Notice how when he falls it’s face first. In a real collapse after a beating like that he’d fall backward. And were’s the second clog! There’s no evidence of a second clog. Clearly there’s a conspiracy at the highest levels to get us into an unwinable fashion war. We are being misled by the BlurboDooce/Industrial Complex for their own nefarious ends. {whispering}…it might even go to the very top, do Blurb and Dooce have the skills, the unrelenting drive to pull this off? could it be that they themselves are puppets of a certain ex-congressman and his tyranical toddler overlord? if the stealth cloggers attack a northern Canadian city that only hockey fans have heard of, you’ll know I’m right…

*wiping away the tears of relief and sadness*

oh jon, you’re truly the jesus figure in all of this. i’m so sorry you had to die for that croc to be set free.

[thought: jesus would have never given himself up to crucifixion had he worn crocs back in the day. such comfort, such squishiness. garden of gathsemane prayer: “die for their sins? OR tramp around nazareth in these puppies? hard call.”]

I am glad to hear you won, because I was unsure at first. To see you diving headfirst, er, clogfirst, into the dirt, with ketchup — I mean blood — smeared everywhere, I was starting to wonder to what lengths Heather had gone. I am glad to hear that you are alive and well, and that both you and your clogs made it out unscathed.

Okay, so I am glad that you made it out unscathed. The clogs? They should be burned at the stake.

You folks sure are bored, aren’t ya?

Viva la clogs!
Viva la clogs!

Also, there should totally be Clog Army t-shirts (without crooked text), and Heather’s anti-clog version. Your readers could choose sides by buying the appropriate version, thereby further fattening your bank account.

Ding, ding, ding!

*tapping champagne glass with fork*

Speech! Speech!

i concur! my check is in the mail!!

Coelecanth –

If you look closely, I do believe you’ll see the second clog is on Jon’s left foot in the beginning frames of the video.

It is a sad day, if Heather lets him back in the house.