The Groper

dooce: Wife, mother, Utah blogger

I’ve been waiting to write about being interviewed by the Salt Lake Tribune, but Heather gets right to the point.

I wonder: just how many men grope their wives? And while it might seem indecent or annoying, certainly it’s a better sign of love and affection than going golfing for four days straight or watching SportsCenter [sp?] seven hours a day.

I’m just going to have to make some new business cards with my proclivities towards my lovely wife printed on them:

Web Designer, Nerd Dilettante, Wife Groper

← Older Comments
Newer Comments →
  • http://asterola.blogspot.com/ Leslie

    I think all men grope, but not all women hate it. I think it’s about the sexual attraction that makes us a couple rather than just friends.

  • ][_ucky#7

    You shouldn’t feel bad. What man doesn’t grope his woman? I might act like I mind but believe me, the day I change my entire outfit in front of him and he doesn’t even attempt to reach out and touch me– something has to be wrong. Groping is the equivilence of saying “you’re looking hot”.

  • http://calebwalker.typepad.com ken .

    Groping? Isn’t that why men get married?

  • http://www.spamboy.com/ Spamboy

    I heart groping. Especially when combined with grunting noises, it sure pisses off my dog for some reason…

  • southerngirl

    My darlin’ Delta boy and I have been married for 24 years now and he is still a groper. I often roll my eyes and sigh loudly, but inside I’m thrilled that he still finds me gropable.

  • http://silverbeetle.blogspot.com Karen Clark

    I don’t get why this groping thing is such a big deal — I certainly don’t get why ANYONE would think it’s “indecent.” So you love your wife and still find her attractive — oh you evil man.

    If I marry a man who doesn’t grope me — now THAT, I would consider indecent.

    Groping makes a girl feel hot, desired, and loved. Go grope your wife — it’s indecent not to.

  • http://typelittlea.blogspot.com Notorious M.I.L.F.

    Dude, not only does my husband grope me all the time, I grope him.

    Viva la Groping!

  • http://www.dooce.com Jennifer in Ohio

    It’s standard husband behavior. However, it’s understood that it NEVER happens in front of other people, or the wrath shall be forthcoming.

  • http://www.donnysramblings.com Donny

    Not only do I grope on a daily basis, I tickle, gawk and poke as well.

  • http://dooce.migrantroo.com minxlj

    I can just imagine a few…more sensitive people shall we say…choking on their morning coffee as they read that sentence of the interview. LOL. (I loved the interview btw)

    I think we all agree here that groping is goooooood. And I’ll admit, we females do it too!! (I’ve never heard my fiance complain though). How about ‘I’m a groper’ badges/buttons to shout it out loud?!!!! ;-)

  • gwinn

    Oh yeah, my LT BF is also an unapologetic groper, and since this is a “family” blog, I won’t describe what happens whenever he notices me bending over to pick something up…

  • http://unjour.ch Lysiane

    With or without knowing the background story, it does sound as if you made a hobby or a mÈtier of groping wives in general.

    Which is kind of funny.

  • http://katehaney.livejournal.com Kate

    Female half of another mutually-groping couple checking in.

    Groping is one of marriage’s great perks.

  • http://katehaney.livejournal.com Kate

    Female half of another mutually-groping couple checking in.

    Groping is one marriage’s perks. Vive la grope!

  • paper

    way better than groping someone else’s wife!

  • Joel

    blurb, I’m a founding member of the Wife Gropers Semi-Anonymous Club. If you’d like to join, write your application on a 3x5 postcard, take a photo of it with a new Nikon D200 and send both the camera and lens to me at…

    I find the trick is to discreetly grope in public so that she can’t acknowledge the grope without drawing unwanted attention to herself. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t.

    And to ranzino, I managed to grope while watching the Bears game Monday night, just call me the king.

  • http://tanglebones.com/ Jemaleddin

    Save yourself some trouble — get those flickr Moo mini cards and choose all shots of you groping your wife. =-)

  • ashik

    I totally agree that in a normal household, groping = love and affection. And the pretending not to enjoy being the gropee (Evil Stare + the evasive dance) is part of the awesomeness of groping. Also, groping back, which I do frequently. Though definitely not in front of anyone.

  • ashik

    Also, I find it hysterical that an ad on this cite today is “Meet Wives” … so that you too can have someone to grope!!!

  • http://rivetergirl.blogspot.com rivetergirl

    Yeah, what’s the point of being married to a guy that you dig, if he ain’t gonna grope you.

    Grope on, my brutha.

  • http://sydneys_shadow.blogspot.com SydneyDawn

    Fantastic article.

    My husband is also a wife groper. I can completely relate to Heather’s stories…but I wouldn’t have him any other way.

    Keep it up. You two are great.

  • http://www.peoplearequirky.com quirky

    Each time Heather describes a groping incident, I share it with my husband. It makes him feel like he’s not alone. Thank you for that.

  • http://paul.frields.org/ stickster

    Groping is a fact of life around my house, but we do try to keep it hidden from little peepers, or at least behind the kitchen counter where they can’t see. I recently got a gold tooth as part of a root canal operation (albeit on a back molar), and I *SWEAR* that my groping not only increased, but got a better response from the gropee as a result. Apparently it’s not as hard out here for a pimp as previously thought.

  • SAE

    Yes, I grope my wife. But it’s only one of several dozen of my habits that causes her to roll her eyes.

  • http://Http://www.monkeydojo.net Miko Monkey

    I’d rather he grope me than anyone else; I really don’t mind it :) and I have a friend whose business card proclaims:

    Fly with Class
    (his name)
    Wars Fought, Pets Petted, Ladies Escort, Orgies Arranged, Governments Run, Cars Painted, Manure Spred, Virgins Converted, Tigers Tamed, Tubas Played, Revolutions Started, Bees Buzzed, Saloons Emptied, Uprisings Quelled, Bridges Burned
    and seller of
    Horse Biscuits, Cow Pies, Nails, Swamp Land, Fly Swatters, & Bongo Drums

← Older Comments
Newer Comments →