With Some Difficulty

Heather’s written about her miscarriage here. I’d say “our” but I’m not the one going through the physical part and it seems a bit of a sham to call it like that. Still, I’m very upset and it’s been a difficult week for us. I’ve tried to be positive and logical.

As a nerd note, if the above link doesn’t work or dooce is down, we’re on it. If dooce is down, it’s very likely this site will be down also, so please bear with us. We’ll be upgrading the server tonight, so things should go a little better tomorrow and hopefully we can open up comments on dooce.

Heather really wanted to share this experience, as we’ve discovered that this happens far more than is made public. Family and friends have shared their experiences and in doing so helped us understand that miscarriage is far more common than either of us realized.

I’ll leave comments open here for as long as I can, but they may be turned off immediately if the server is still getting throttled.

Thank you all so much for your kindness. It means the world.

  • HeatherF

    I’ve been worried for your family since the Dooce post on Monday. Thinking of you and hoping that you find strength and comfort in each other. Big hugs to all.

  • Kathryn

    Jon and Heather,

    I don’t think I’ve ever commented on either of your sites before, but I just really wanted to say I’m sorry about your loss. I think you’re right that it’s something that people need to share more, because when it happens, it seems like no one you know has ever been through it.

    Anyway, I hope you’re taking care of each other, and taking comfort in the thought that another baby will happen for you.

  • dd

    So sorry for your loss.. I’m so glad you have each other during this time

  • http://www.gitu.blogspot.com Ariel

    My mom had 3 miscarriages and I just cried and cried. I was 13 and 15 at the time and so excited for those babies. I still wonder what if and think about the 3 siblings I never knew.
    It hurts so much and I’m so sorry for all three of you.
    *Hugs*

  • Nickie

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

    You’re all in my thoughts.

  • lindsayc

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have had three miscarriages and two sons. All within the last four years, preceded by three years of trying to get pregnant. It isn’t easy for any member of the family – I think sometimes it is harder for the father as the mother has the physical experience to help her make sense of it all. Not that it makes sense. I am certain that you will have another child if that is what you intend, what ever means you may have to use. May you find comfort together in this difficult time.

  • Heidi

    I’m so very sorry to hear about your loss. My husband and I also had a miscarriage while attempting for baby #2. I think the hardest part was how we related to each other the first couple of weeks after. We were so sad and grief stricken and we dealt with it the best way we could (both of us in our own way). We finally had to force ourselves to get out of the house and out for a nice meal (without kid #1) to reconnect and talk about what we had been feeling…over a very good bottle of wine. I know you will emerge from this stronger and more committed to your family than ever. Take care of each other…and don’t let that grief wedge itself in there for too long.

  • Theresa

    I am so sorry. My thoughts are with Heather, you and your family. *hugs*

  • mindi

    My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for what your family is going through.

  • rhonda

    I sent this email directly to Heather, too. I’m so sorry for your loss:

    I understand and I think you are very brave to share your feelings about your recent loss. I am sorry. I’m sure you’ve received numerous emails from people telling you about their experiences with miscarriage. I’ll spare you my details. I’m sure people have offered you “helpful” words meant to comfort When they were spoken to me, my aching heart turned to stone. It was meant to be… God had a reason… you can try again… at least you know you can get pregnant… you already have one perfect baby…

    There is no comfort for this loss. Only time will wear the jagged edges away. Thinking of you

  • Kathryn

    Dear Jon,
    I’ve already written to Heather, but I wanted to tell you that you are in my thoughts as well. I think sometimes, enjoying both of your sites so much, I lose touch with the fact that your family is real, and that these things you write about are happening right now, immediately. Today I remember that. I’m thinking about both of you.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/filmgoerjuan/ filmgoerjuan

    I’m so so sorry to hear about this, Jon. As always, you are so selfless — it is not a sham for you to call it “our”, not in the least. As anyone who’s met you can attest, you and Heather are two halves of the same whole. A wonderful couple whom it is hard to imagine ever *not* having been together.

    Stay strong and hug Heather and Leta for me.

  • Jen

    Please let me join the chorus and say that I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

  • Veruka

    I along with everyone else am sorry for your loss. I have never suffered a miscarriage, but have lost a child in a car accident when he was 17. It doesn’t matter that the pregnancy was in the early stages, it’s a loss for “what might have been”. My heart goes out to you and Heather and I hope you find comfort in each other and the thoughts and prayers from all of us.

  • http://workman.blogspot.com workman

    We lost a pregnancy in much the same manner.

    Prayers for everyone to heal physically and emotionally.

  • http://kimmymade.blogspot.com Kim

    I’m delurking to say that I’m so very sorry. Sending hugs and happy thoughts your collective way. And thanks for sharing with us something so painful and personal.

  • http://jbberwocky.vox.com Jabberwocky

    Jon and Heather,

    I am so sorry to hear this. I’m sending the whole family a hug over the internet.

  • http://faydean.typepad.com amy j.

    I was so hoping that when she said it had been a bad weekend, that this was not it. I figured you guys might try for baby number two soon. I just had a feeling it was something regarding that. I am very positive that you guys will soon be blogging the adventures into another pregnancy (with NO complications!) and the continuing adventures of parenthood. At least that is what I’m sending out into the universe for you to very much deserving people. I hope us all thinking of her will help Heather a bit. I sent this as an email the other day…not sure if it went through. But it might be something you guys could use to relax and get your mind of things.

    I know you’re music lovers and thought you’d really enjoy this.

    http://faydean.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/10/sometimes-you-f.html

    Take care guys.

  • http://have-the-t-shirt.blogspot.com/ Have The T-Shirt

    So sorry for your loss. You are right it is far more common than some people think and such a painful thing to experience.

    Hugs to you both

  • http://www.kimblahg.com kimblahg

    Jon & Heather, I’m sorry this happened. There is nothing else I can say except I’m thinking of you.

  • Cori

    I’m so sorry. You’re doing a good thing sharing this; I had a very similar experience to Heather’s and was astounded by the number of friends and neighbors who had miscarried too; it didn’t make me feel any better about it, but it was nice to know that I wasn’t alone.

    Blessings on your family.

  • Jenny Malizia

    Dear Jon and Heather,
    I’m so sorry this happened. You are in the thoughts of so many fans and friends who are hopeful for your future.

  • Kristen from MA

    I’m so sorry, Jon and Heather.

    Kudos to Heather for writing about this difficult experience. I’m sure it will help others who have gone through the same thing.

  • http://dampscribbler.livejournal.com Kristi

    Such sad news, I’m so sorry to hear it. You and Heather are right about it being a more common experience than may be believed — my own first pregnancy ended in a very early miscarriage, my friend’s second pregnancy ended at about 11 weeks. We were both lucky enough to be able to follow those sad times with successful pregnancies, I’ll be hoping and praying that you and Heather can do the same.

  • m

    Thoughts with you and your family.