Hypochondria
October 7th, 2002
For the past 6 months, I’ve been more sick than I’ve ever been. According to the University of Michigan (here) I don’t have hypochondria. What I do have currently is best illustrated in the visual depiction on the right.
Hypochondria is about imagined illnesses. There is nothing imagined in the 14 gallons of phlegm I’ve coughed up. We store it out back, in one of those plastic paint buckets. There is nothing imagined about the days of work lost (and money; my employer insists on NOT having sick or personal days until one has worked for them at least a year).
It’s time to take matters into my own hands. It’s time not to be sick. It’s time to feel good. It’s time to not keep looking down at the tissue with revulsion (and then insist that the wife look at it). It’s time to swab the dog with that anti-dander stuff. It’s time to spray the entire apartment in bleach. It’s time to think about wearing a Tyvek® body suit with respirator. o
14 months, eh? And how long have you known Heather? And how long has she been sicker than she’s ever been? I think you see my point.
Either that or you two love making drinks and nookie all day long and just want an excuse to stay home.
14 Gallons. 6 months. Easy. The dog is probably to blame.
You can always become a Bubbleboy.
Saving phlegm in a bucket. 14 gallons. Reminds me of Bob FlanaganÃs wife in that documentary. She saved his bright yellow phlegm in a big canister. Pobresito. Hope you get better.
You didn’t happen to move shortly before all this did you? I had a spate of illnesses that started up within 2-3 months of my moving into a new place. Shortly after moving out (a recovery period), it all went away, and I was much better. Also similar, I had a series of respiratory & digestive problems, which “sick buildings” can definitely cause. Or perhaps you did some renovations in your place around the time this all started, perhaps having knocked loose something icky that had previously been hidden in the walls?
dude, do the math…LA SUCKS!!!!
I feel your pain. I’m also allergic to my pet and since I’m a glutton for punishment I’ve resorted to using ‘drugs’ to help keep the phlegm at bay. Try the following:
1. Allegra-D
2. Rhinocort
3. Aller-pet (anti-dander stuff - kicks ass)
Hope this helps! Cheers!
Would like to know Blurbomat’s thoughts on Amir Baraka.
Ah, patatomic. To live in a world as simple as yours.
Ok, that sick. Thanks a lot though, I am doing a HS health class power point on hypochondria, and thats just sick. reminds me of wrestling, youd see guys puking and spitting and taking a crap as much as freaking possible, some people i know really did think they were sick as well, and coach said they were not, they were hypocondrial, or what ever you call it. Coach sure as hell is not a doc, but still. turns out one had the cold the others, they wre just thining they were sick, but in fact they lost the weaight needed to win 2nd in state tourny. its funky stuff!