Driving School
February 6th, 2003
It is worth mentioning that Utah drivers rank only slightly above the nations worst drivers: those from Idaho. After a couple of months of data gathering, our staff has presented it’s findings shown in Figure 1 (above).
Utah drivers aren’t just bad. They are insane.
Example 1 - “Rush Hour Brakefest 2k3″
Sure, Utah has traffic. For no apparent reason, in the middle of rush hour, the car in front of you will just schizophrenically start to brake for no apparent reason. There are at least 12 car-lengths between the freak in front of you and the freak in front of Cap’n Brakey “Bill” McBrakestein.
Example 2 - “Freaky Deaky Cop”
Cops hate to be followed. It bristles their very cop-being. The usual courtesy is to pass them 2-5 mph over the posted speed limit. This is the accepted practice the nation over. Except here. Here, the Sgt. Freak will, for no apparent reason, speed up to 10 mph over the speed limit, putting some distance between you, then slow down to 5 mph under the speed limit. When you signal to pass, Sarge will jump over into your lane and mash the brakes, making sure you are going under the speed limit. Amusing sidebar: All the impatient people behind you will drive like hell until they see the nutjob cop and mash their brakes. No one will pass. For twenty miles. o
Tags: driving
Yeah, Idaho! Hey wait a minute — I resemble that remark. Always got your back, friend.
obviously you have never driven behind a tennessean, which is surprising as they are ubiquitous. i’ve been visiting grandparents in INDIANA and seen tennesseans there.
anyway, tennesseans are slow. and they don’t have a vehicle inspection law there, so any vehicle they drive eventually ends up looking like the rental car in planes, trains, and automobiles. i’ve seen cars trailing sparks because the muffler is hanging from the car onto the ground.
and they apparently don’t know how to get on and off highways. the concept of speeding up on the on-ramp to get on the highway so as not to impede the traffic that is already moving on the highway. and they will ALWAYS make a complete stop before turning off such highways.
it’s also insane.
i always make an ass of myself when i comment…
anyway, the sentence that reads ” the concept of speeding up on the on-ramp to get on the highway so as not to impede the traffic that is already moving on the highway” should read ” the concept of speeding up on the on-ramp to get on the highway so as not to impede the traffic that is already moving on the highway is a completely alien idea to them.”
duh.
oh, how soon you forget.
L-O-S A-N-G-E-L-E-S freeways, jon. the latte, scone and cell phone juggling routine on the 101. the chinese acrobats in hyundais on the 60. the FREAKING PSYCHOS at hollywood and highland.
and damn, man, i kept expecting Humungous from Mad Max to surround the Grove.
jon, you lived in the bay area for how long? have you forgotten about the idiot drivers who terrorize our streets, highways and bridges? last summer i drove from here to new orleans and back. i saw more near-accidents on a 5-mile stretch of I80 than i did on the entire 5,000 mile trek through the south and midwest. yao ming! and that included l.a., where the drivers are equally insane but much more competent. the only drivers i’ve encountered who can even touch bay area standards are the blue-haired nazis cruising the streets of west palm beach, fl. luckily, they rarely hit double-digit speeds in their oldsmobile delta 88s.
I totally hate to admit this, but I used to live in Arco, about 2 hours west of Idaho Falls. A nightmare. A nightmare involving a small town that publicizes itself as “the world’s first town powered by stomic eneergy” and who’s high school mascot are the “Butte Cty. Pirates.” And, I definitely saw someone flip a Jeep over only doing 30 miles per hour. You are right on so many levels, it’s disturbing.
Arco!
I used to teach volleyball camps in the summer and I ended up teaching one in arco.
I kid you not, people came out of stores to stare at me as I drove down the street. I am guessing they didnt recognize the car.
One of the kids on the team couldn’t come to the camp because she hit a horse with her car the day before and broke her legs.
HEY!!!! tennessee drivers aren’t bad, it’s those damn virginia drivers that get in everyone’s way.
I know!!! Arco!!! It’s funny as hell. When I moved there I worked for the park service. apparently high school graduation was the day after my flight came in (a ridiculous adventure getting to Arco from D.C., I might add) , and people were already talking about “the new girl in town.”
I also knew a girl there who got in a car accident on a backroad w/ her grandmother, just by coincidence. And everyone there is named Cody, but that’s a whole nother story.
And Todd! I’m in VA now, and… well. Okay, you’re right.