Project Colonoscopy
January 10th, 2004As an adult, I’ve done a few handy things, but nothing can compare to the kitchen remodel we just finished.
I’ve always been the one in the family who, due to my artistic tendencies, has been the least likely to pick up a power tool, hammer a nail or fix a broken something. However, I, like most men, am drawn inexplicably to hardware stores, and the wonders they hold. Plus, I’ve always wanted to be handy, but like Maverick in Top Gun, I had my own demons to deal with. Fortunately for me and my spouse, it didn’t have to involve the death of anyone and in the end, we got a sweet kitchen.
I bought this book from Costco (of all places) and I can’t recommend it enough. Clear, easy to read and great illustrations. Also, I spent a lot of time talking with the electrical people at Home Depot. They were very informative and helpful, unlike the goombah in tools who looked down on me because I didn’t want the $170 jigsaw and instead opted for the $29 one. He and his ilk are the reason you never want to buy anything.
There are a few things that I bought for the project that need recommending. The first is kneepads. Spare me the oral sex jokes; these things saved more than my knees in the attic. They take some getting used to, but because I bought the rigid kind, they add a kind of balance helper when sprawled across 4 joists, trying to get leverage to pound in U nails.
Don’t buy the serrated blade hole saw. Buy the one that looks like it won’t cut anything with all the chunky bits on it. That thing cut through lathe and plaster like butter. I almost bought the nasty blady one and the guy was all, “That’s gonna dull after your first hole.” Done. I’ll be able to use the diamond grit saw when we install recessed lights throughout the house (Heather really wants them in every room now, despite the trauma).
Another big recommendation is for wearing rubber gloves (the kind that doctors wear). Heather thinks I’m insane for wearing them, but I saw an auto mechanic wearing them several years ago and if he can get away with it, so can I. The gloves act as a protector as well as a clean up aid. All the dust, dirt and pinching happens to the glove, not your skin. When we started the demolition, I didn’t wear them, and by the end, I was going through pair after pair. Fortunately, they are cheap and come in bulk packs. You can purchase them near the paint section of your favorite Home Depot.
The final recommendation is to wear a respirator. We stirred up a lot of crap with the sanding, moving, wedging, crowbarring and demolition. Lord only knows what chemicals are being used, even in modern products.
I had a great support in all my tasks in Heather. There is no way I’d ever dream of climbing into our attic if she wasn’t there giving me encouragement. There were a few very long days and she was there, holding light fixtures as I wired (and unwired incorrectly wired light fixtures twice), tiling at midnight and stripping the floors at 6 a.m. Did I mention she’s pregnant? She is a rocker and we’d never have a kitchen like this if it wasn’t for her work.
Enough of my yackin’, let’s boogie. o
I can’t even describe how impressed I am with your kitchen remodel. Comparing pictures 1 and 38 makes me want to be an “actual growup” (instead of the pretend growup that I am now) who buys a house so I can have a kitchen like that. Bravo.
I’ve a tear in my eye. It’s a thing of beauty…
Now that that’s off my list, baby pictures please.
Cook up some spicy food in that kitchen and get that baby moving.
wow. just gorgeous. nice job, you two.
Thanks for the vicarious thrill. Since we’re still renting and the NYC-area housing market long since left us in its dust, we may be doomed to the same 18″ of counter space for a while yet.
that is one beautiful kitchen. i am dead serious when i say that should i ever actually buy a house, i am using those photos as the template for my kitchen. no joke. you both have great taste.
through your efforts i have learned that i think i would prefer to mortgage my soul to a high priced contractor and just skip right to the bourbon and lime part than to do all that work. not because i am affraid of hard work, but because i know i would probably saw off a limb in the process. or at least have to do the job six or seven times before getting it right.
im impressed as hell. in just one year you have proved to the world that you can remodel a kitchen, troubleshoot a home wireless network, and impregnate your wife.
dude, i think you have officially earned your masculinity merit badge.
Wow!
Love the kitchen. I’d love to redo our house, but we don’t want to put the money into a house we don’t plan on keeping.
If there’s one thing I learned from finishing out our basement, it’s never, ever, EVER finish drywall on your own. I nearly cried trying to get the joints smooth and neat. We finally gave up and hung art over the bad spots.
The kitchen looks absolutely fucking amazing. I am jealous. And tell Heather she looks absolutely fucking amazing too. Well done!
excellent work! i cannot believe the difference, i hope you are at least patting yourself on the back hard for this masterpiece… by the way.. what part of the remodel did chuck help with???
I love your kitchen! My sister and her husband and dod just went through the same upheaval and I do not envy you. That said, you both did an amazing job!
Ugh. that was supposed to say: “her husband and her dog”.
nice to see that im not the only nerd that wears laytex gloves when constructing. i own a gallery and paint everything white. theyre a big help ‘casue they dont leave fingerprints.
everything looks just faboo. yay for both of you.
nice ‘Musk’ shirt. keepin it real.
Home Depot is the great evil of our day.
Support your local independantly owned Ace Hardware store today.
A kitchen remodel *and* a website remodel. You are an inspiration to us all.
My significant other now has you and Heather to blame for my wanting a baby *and* a house with a pretty kitchen.
You two did beautiful work on both accounts, I’m sure.
You guys have lovely taste. I am so impressed! We have the honed, mitered absolute black granite countertops with an undermount sink, too, and I am so happy with that decision!
We remodeled our kitchen during our pregnancy, too. We also decided, what the heck, to have our wedding in our house, too, which meant that we had to severely limit the time we got the kitchen done. It was terrifying, but we made it, getting the fridge the morning of the wedding. I was 34 weeks pregnant.
Oh latex gloves are awesome. They make that gorgeous snapping sound when you pull them on too tight and then let go, as well as saving you from skin-underneath-the-fingernail cancer when handling engine oil.
that is a great job on the kitchen. i like the tiles on the back splash. great work.
i just wanted to let you know that after reading heather’s and your accounts and looking at all the photos, i’ve now committed to buying a house in which the kitchen will immediately need to be remodeled. thanks for the inspiration!
hi jon!
missed talking to you the other night.
nice job with the kitchen and good luck with the kid. it will all be beautiful.
I love the kitchen. I wonder if my lazy ass landlord will do that to mine.. Highly doubt it since he can’t get his ass over to attach my cabinets to the ceiling..