Barely Functioning Zombies
February 20th, 2004I’ve been through college. I’ve art directed a magazine under insane circumstances. I’ve been through the dot-com boom. I’ve pulled several all-nighters in a row. I’ve travelled and worked a week in Houston that I thought I would die on the plane coming home of exhaustion. I actually caught myself crying in the middle of Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit on that flight. I wasn’t even wearing headphones and couldn’t hear the movie.
None of those things prepared me for parenthood. It’s like that week in Houston. Every day. Those who said, “sleep now, you’ll need it” weren’t kidding. It’s a miracle that I’m typing this. Seriously. Work is going off and I’m drooling in a corner, nodding and drinking coffee. I’ve had drool issues before, but it was when I was dating Heather and amped nine ways to Jesus.
I can’t wait for this weekend to sleep and be with my family. And to not drink coffee. Or have to answer email. Or stand up on two feet except to rock Leta to sleep. Perhaps I’ll declare an All Sleep Party Weekend™ sponsored by Taco Bell®. Chuck loves Taco Bell®. o
Don’t worry it will get better in a few years…say about…umm… 30
There are so many of us who would give both of you our sleep if we could. If we lived down the block we would get up throughout the night and feed the frog for you, in turn, like firemen. I’m serious, I would give you my sleep!! It would work out really well actually because I’ve been having some problems with insomnia lately. But here’s what I can do, and maybe this will help: Next time I’m awake at 3 and all sweaty and questioning stuff and angry and believing I’m on the wrong planet, I will think of you, which doesn’t seem like it would be all that helpful except for the part where you’re awake at 3, too, either one of you, and you can be at least 30% sure that there’s at least one other person, not only awake, but thinking about you and the frog, and wishing she could help with a bottle instead of sweating her ass off and worrying to death about a bunch of dumb stuff.
Everything will be fine, is the thing to remember. It’s very hard, but you’ll get through it just like you’ve gotten through everything so far. You know this, but it’s hard to remember when you’re real tired.
Soon, she’ll be sleeping through the night, and it’ll be better. True!
–KK
I’m scared.
(I’m due April 22nd)
She probably will sleep through the night soon. Mine probably won’t though, because i never did untill i was 21. years.
It WILL get better. I promise you. It’s hard and it’s scary and you really do have this insane notion that the baby will be getting up in the middle of the night till she’s 18-but that’s the fatigue talking.
Suggestion-it isn’t heresy to give her one small bottle of formula a time or two. If she is nursing that often Heather isn’t getting quite enough rest to fill up the supply jugs, if you get my drift. I went thru this with my first baby and went on to very successfully breastfeed without losing my mind.
Oh, and let the housework go or pay someone else to do it right now. Really.
umm yeah I feel for you, I was doing EXACTLY that 1 year ago. And now he sleeps 12 hours at a time (without EVER having formula). Heather could try having the little froggie laying beside her to nurse, that works really well. And soon no one will wake up to nurse!
It’s amazing how little sleep the human needs! And scary!!!!
And sleep WILL come. It will..someday
It really does get better, I swear. I remember always feeling like I couldn’t get my head above water. Then the crying started, good god. Give her 3 or 4 months and then you’ll have the swing of things. I know that sounds like a long time, but it shall pass!
looks like one of lifes parallels:
The birth of a family isnt any easier than the birth of the child.
Aint it grand!
Sleep with your baby. It will keep her sleeping for longer stretches too. Heather can nurse lying down and sleep or snooze. This really helps. I found motherhood to be very, very, very hard until my kids were walking well.
It will get better - promise. She’ll settle into a routine and while that will still mean getting up in the night, you’ll be able to anticipate when she’s going to get up and plan around it (i.e. plan your naps). Good luck, dude..
Relax, once things begin to get a little worse, yes I said worse, you will be able to do things in your sleep.
Of course there was that time my daughter was eating dog food and the mutt was diapered.
you might wish for diapers and sleepless nights when you have puberty/dating and sleepless nights.
Don’t worry–it gets easier. Easier to go without the sleep. And as Leta gets bigger and her tummy can hold more milk, she’ll be able to go longer between feedings. After her three month growth spurt is when I think this starts to happen. And I know it gets better still at six months. Just keep holding her close.
And it helps me with my four month old son to remember that it’s not good for them to go too long between feedings. They need the night feedings to take in the volume of milk that they need in a day. So it’s perfectly normal for your baby to keep getting up periodically. After you get over the hump, it’ll just get better and better. Keep looking one day ahead. You’ll get there! (Please note that I’m writing this for myself as well. Cry, Baby, Cry!).
6 weeks is a magical time.
Even if you’re not sleeping more, it starts to at least feel more normal.
You may be doing a version of this already, but…
My wife breastfed both of ours. The crib was in our room. We took turns getting up to get the baby and putting it back in the crib, which helped my wife get some sleep - she practically slept through the feedings where she didn’t have to get up. I got to get about 3 - 4 hours of sleep. That helped me help her cope with everything else. I did most of the chores (those that got done - I agree with above - let the little stuff go for a while) while she recovered from having the baby and the new non-sleep schedule.
I love all of the advice. Will I get my head bitten off by someone for saying that I think you should trust your instincts. We all know what worked for us and our advice may even be helpful. We want to give it because WE not only read, but WE feel your pain.
For the one person who tells you not to sleep with your baby ten other people will tell you to sleep with your baby. Our babies all come programmed differently. AND we and our babies all have different tolerances. Crazy as it may sound, K. slept best in his car seat. So we just put the car seat in the bassinet next to our bed. I was always afraid of smothering him in our bed. When he was a few months old he slept in our bed. Easy E. hated the damn car seat. He loved to sleep stretched out in the bassinet. He didn’t want to be confined.
A pediatrician told me that when the baby is thirteen pounds they weigh enough to sleep through the night and told me to suck it up and let the baby cry, that the baby would be okay. Right! He didn’t have to come and listen to my baby scream for two hours each and every night. And what about my aching boobs?
Parenting is not an exact science. The older my kids get, the less I realize I know.
We are thinking of you.
As someone who is doing all of this like a month and a half before you I would like to say it does start to get better, until you get vaccinations for your child and they revert back to their day 3 sleeping habits, except the exhileration and joy that fuels you through day 3 - 30 has tanked. Then you reach the point where you SERIOUSLY consider doping your kid up with benadryl.
Then you come to your senses and think “Wait, that might react bad with the crack my baby is getting through the breast milk.”
Okay, I am just kidding, but the life saver my wife and I came up with is to give each other a night off once a week, where one of us romantically goes and gets a full nights sleeps downstairs (something that we swore we’d never do) so that at least one of us is coherently thinking 2x a week.
Two years ago I thought I’d never get a full night’s sleep again, but you do. And you’re right–everyone said you wouldn’t get enough sleep, but I wasn’t prepared for the total feeling of being STOOPID as a result. It got better, too.
I remember thinking, “I can’t wait for him to get bigger.” I totally regret it. On the other hand, when he goes “Daddy!” when i pick him up is pretty much worth it.
you’ll make it…I’m a survivor - of those awful droopy eyed and sleepless night-believing i won’t be able to get up in the morning trauma hehe.
i believe in you guys!!!
get this book:
How To Get Your Child To Sleep Through The Night
It’s a GREAT book, and will help you cope with your situation now, and addresses what you have to look forward to.
Remember this: you can either train your child, or she will train YOU. but that’s not for 3-6 months…
what about an electric breast pump? dooce’s last post sounds like she needs one. pricey but worth it. invest in your own rest!
I agree with catapax. go buy heather a $250 medela “pump in style” breast pump. i can’t explain just how good it feels when your boobs are about to explode to hook them up to the double sucking action of a pump in style.
I guess I’m just not cut out for parenthood: I cherish sleep and privacy way too much. I’ll stick to being an aunt.
catapax is right. A friend of mine (who lives in Boston) rented an electric breast pump. You should see if that’s available in your area. It’s great bonding for you if you get to feed the baby a bottle and it would let Heather get a few more hours of sleep.
This is exactly why the husband and I feel no shame at our all-pajama/Star Trek/eating/ass-glued-to-the-couch/no showering weekends — once our boy is born, that’ll be it!
Oh dear. Jesus Christ. Your daughter is so fucking adorable (pics just went up at dooce.) Her wry smile! Her tiny balled-up fists! I must go out and find someone to have sex with right now to create one of these creatures.
Then again, I like sleeping late and going to the movies. Maybe I’ll just live vicariously through you for one more year.
Tell Heather to drink lots of cranberry juice for her bladder infection. !00% juice, none of that ocean spray crap. Also, she should eat some yogurt. It helps balance out the bacteria.
Leta is fucking adorable ,by the way.
I feel a bit guilty reading stories of horror from new parents. I think from 2 months on, it got better by the day for me. I never appreciated having a brain numbing job till I became a dad. But, at 11 months, the job thing is becoming important again. It’s funny, life is actually returning to a much more fun state. It’s becoming a little like before the kid, but better.
Regarding survival, I kept my kid’s webpage as a chunk of my site so I could see her while surfing the web at work. The pics help me to realize what’s important.
Good Luck