Update
August 27th, 2004To all of you who have sent concern, good thoughts, well wishes and postive vibes I can’t thank you enough. We can’t thank you enough. I doubt I’ll be able to return all of the emails, so please don’t be offended if you don’t get a response.
Heather is doing well. After a sleepless night, she’s on a series of medications that seem to have calmed her down. Leta and I just got back from a wonderful lunch with Heather and things are looking more up than they have in a good while. Heather talked of taking a nap and that is probably the best thing she could have said to me. I’ve been so worried about her lack of sleep that anytime she lies down is a good sign.
I know that today is just a step, and no cure-all. Still, one must find the positive behind the anger, frustration and seeming futility. It has been so difficult to watch Heather suffer for so long. I’d list all the meds we’ve got in our medicine cabinet, but I don’t have the strength to type it all out. If we didn’t have insurance, we’d be screwed. She’s getting excellent help and they are looking into every possibility (blood work, thyroid, hormones, diet, et al).
On the me front, being with Leta has been wonderful. Her smile and cooing and squealing are a salve. She’s also apparently a fan of mushed refried beans, so that’s a good sign. I’m sure someone out there is going to chastise me for mentioning refried beans as the worse possible thing I could do for Leta. If that’s the case, I’d recommend that you wait awhile before clicking either the “Send” or “Post Comment” button.
I don’t know when I’ll update again, as I’ll be spending the next several days with Heather. I’m leaving comments open, in the hopes that if you were thinking of sending an email to either myself or Heather, you’ll consider leaving a note rather than sending the mail. I know it’s not as personal, but I guarantee she’ll read the comments before she’ll plow through her email. Besides, I think it’s good to share the love. More than anything else, experiencing this level of kindness has reaffirmed my faith in people to be nice and decent and good.
Thank you thank you thank you for your kindness. o
This coming from someone who’s battled with depression all her life and have been inside a hospital as well, it does get better. Dooce, you’re doing the right thing for you and your family and together you guys will be strong enough to pull out of this. Get well soon!
Best wishes from Montana. Heather, I vividly remember the first thought I had when my first child popped out…OH MY GOD, I HAVE JUST LOST CONTROL OF MY WORLD!
Anxiety and parenting are a hard combo. You three are good and strong and loved, and sunny days and fields of daisies lie ahead. Hang on, hang tight.
i just can’t tell you often enough how brave i think heather is and how great you are with all the love you have for one another. i wish my mom would have done the same as heather and come forward with her depression giving us the chance to help her soon enough… loads of love to you three from overseas!!
I truly believe that the support of a loving family and loving friends is crucial to a person’s recovery from this kind of thing, and obviously Heather has that, so the rest, as hard and and much of an uphill climb as it may be, will eventually start to come together.
It’s so damned hard to admit that you need help, and I admire how candid both of you have been throughout this ordeal. It’s inspiring, and it is yet another step toward destigmatizing mental illness, something that means a hell of a lot to me personally.
Much love to you both and to Leta. Beans are great for babies - just be prepared for some diaper changes that may make you wish for an oxygen tank.
All the love from Ohio! Hang in there and if I could fly out and help you, I would. You’re all in our prayers.
(ps-babies and refried beans….ROCK ON! My three kids have always loved things that make for ‘interesting’ results….) Love you guys!
Heather, Jon, Leta - thinking of you guys! Hang in there!
Well, I’m not really a praying person but I dusted one off for you all this morning. I love you guys.
what can i say that all these lovely people haven’t already said?? i’m really rooting for dooce! my atheist prayers are with you and your beautiful family.
oh, and if leta likes beans, you should go the whole mexican route! guacamole is the perfect brain food!
I think I wrote this to Heather in an e-mail before, but I will say it here as well. I was depressed throughout high school and an anorexic in college. I met my boyfriend while he was still on Zoloft and stayed while he weaned himself off of it, the lowest point in our relationship. My best friend tried to commit suicide sometime during that period as well. For two years, it seemed like depression was the only constant in my life. There was just no way to comprehend how anything could get better.
Many tears and three years later, I am planning a wedding. As of today I have a fiancee who is working a job he loves and can barely remember his horrible detox period. My former roommate is getting her Master’s and is in a wonderful relationship, and I am sitting here in front of my laptop, feeling undeservedly blessed and wishing the same for your little family. I can’t say it enough; I am so touched by the openness, generosity and love that flows between the two of you, and am so impressed that you choose to share even your personal struggles with the world.
I know you guys will pull through this because I can’t see you giving up on each other. That love is the only miracle your family will ever need.
I think I wrote this to Heather in an e-mail before, but I will say it here as well. I was depressed throughout high school and an anorexic in college. I met my boyfriend while he was still on Zoloft and stayed while he weaned himself off of it, the lowest point in our relationship. My best friend tried to commit suicide sometime during that period as well. For two years, it seemed like depression was the only constant in my life. There was just no way to comprehend how anything could get better.
Many tears and three years later, I am planning a wedding. As of today I have a fiancee who is working a job he loves and can barely remember his horrible detox period. My former roommate is getting her Master’s and is in a wonderful relationship, and I am sitting here in front of my laptop, feeling undeservedly blessed and wishing the same for your little family. I can’t say it enough; I am so touched by the openness, generosity and love that flows between the two of you, and am so impressed that you choose to share even your personal struggles with the world.
I know you guys will pull through this because I can’t see you giving up on each other. That love is the only miracle your family will ever need.
I think I wrote this to Heather in an e-mail before, but I will say it here as well. I was depressed throughout high school and an anorexic in college. I met my boyfriend while he was still on Zoloft and stayed while he weaned himself off of it, the lowest point in our relationship. My best friend tried to commit suicide sometime during that period as well. For two years, it seemed like depression was the only constant in my life. There was just no way to comprehend how anything could get better.
Many tears and three years later, I am planning a wedding. As of today I have a fiancee who is working a job he loves and can barely remember his horrible detox period. My former roommate is getting her Master’s and is in a wonderful relationship, and I am sitting here in front of my laptop, feeling undeservedly blessed and wishing the same for your little family. I can’t say it enough; I am so touched by the openness, generosity and love that flows between the two of you, and am so impressed that you choose to share even your personal struggles with the world.
I know you guys will pull through this because I can’t see you giving up on each other. That love is the only miracle your family will ever need.
We’re all glad and relieved to hear that she’s doing better, and here’s hoping she’ll return home to many nights of peaceful, deep, sleep next to you (or with the lovely Leta wedged in between you).
Heather, you’re so strong to be able to admit to yourself that you’re having trouble, and to make the choice to check yourself in when I’m sure that the last thing you want to do is be away from Leta. I’ve been in the dark place too, after my son was born, but I couldn’t see it for myself - my husband had to get the help for me. Good for you that you’re doing the right thing for yourself, and Leta and Jon.
And Jon, what an amazing guy. It’s so obvious that you’re doing all you can to help Heather through this. Y’all deserve nothing but happiness.
Our love to both of you, and little Leta and Chuck. Keep taking care of each other.
I’ve been thinking of your family and sending positive energy your way for the last few days. Hang in there! I know you already know this, but this is the best thing that you all can do for Heather’s health and for your family. You have both touched lot of complete strangers like me with what you do on the internet. Hopfully, you’re getting that good karma back now and then some.
Dear Jon, Dooce and Leta,
Just wanted to let you know that someone as far away as Denmark is thinking about you and hoping the very best for your family!
Wow, this is why I love the Internet. I only started reading your blogs recently. The photos of the dog with the spaghetti on its nose… I’m laughing just thinking about it!
And now, gosh, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re being challenged like this. But I know you’re going to make it (you Heather, you Jon).
You two not only have talent and humor and grace, you have this enviable love, and that’s why I believe, even without the support from your family and friends and the outpouring of good wishes from strangers (like me!), you will be all right.
Selfishly enough, I’m looking forward to the both of you resuming your regular blog-writing.
[sending positive thoughts your way]
many many well wishes for all of you, thank you for posting an update!!!!
storm
People have commented on this above me, but I’ll repeat: it is so strange how complete strangers can evoke emotions. I feel so bad for you two right now, and also feel confident that both of you will get through it. Best of luck, and thank you for the updates. Your family has a huge amount of support coming from all over the world, even Canada! Take care, and I also agree with the comment about maybe this would be a good time for us faithful lurkers to send some cash.
More love from Taiwan. Everything will be fine.
Your family is in my prayers.
I read Dooce regularly, but never comment (everyone always says the stuff I want to before I can!) but I wanted to chime in with the hugs and prayers and good thoughts - because, it seems to me, now is a good time to “say it”! Take good care of each other, and know that you’ve got a whole heap of people standing behind you cheering you on through this - if there’s any power in the collective “vibe”, you can bet you’re getting the full benefit!
GO HEATHER!! YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS! YOU WILL! (And I know this because you are STRONG, girl! Stronger than you can imagine!)
GO LETA! BE NICE TO YOUR DAD! (And take advantage of a little “Daddy” time to teach him all those things that you do to make Mommy swear!
GO JOHN! YOU ROCK FOR BEING A GREAT DAD & HUSBAND! (And make sure to take good care of YOU, too, right now!)
Oh for crying out loud, I spelled JON wrong. And I KNEW I was doing it wrong and hit “post” anyway!
(Maybe this is why I don’t usually send comments!)
Let’s rewrite that last bit:
GO JON! YOU ROCK FOR BEING A GREAT DAD & HUSBAND! (And make sure to take good care of YOU, too, right now!)
i wish you both much love, sending lots of good thoughts your way!!! Get well, Heather!
I have to add my thanks for the update. You 4 have been in my thoughts since Heather first posted. I wonder if Leta will understand what wonderfully brave, strong people her parents are. Sending healing thoughts to you all.
Oh, and no one need chastise you on the refried beans. Leta will do that by herself ~smirk~
thanks for the update. best of luck to heather, leta, and yourself!
I’m just thankful that you guys have the resources to check her in- in Canada there’s no beds and a lot of people in your neck of the woods don’t have the insurance for it. I’ve had moments where I’ve thought about trying to get myself checked in- quite recently in fact, but I think it’s a pretty futile idea. It would just mean a long encampment in the ER of a downtown Vancouver hospital and being sent home with my husband being told to keep my medication under lock and key.
Anyway, I will be thinking about the Armstrong clan this weekend and hoping Heather finds her way out of the fog. Love to you all- give Leta a kiss and Chuck a cookie.
I can’t believe I can care this much about a familly I will never meet. Heather’s strength to share her battle somehow makes my fight a little easier. Bless you, Jon, for being there for her.
I’ve been reading Heather’s blog for several months and just discovered yours a few days ago. The clarity and expressiveness, not to mention the sheer candor you both display when writing about Heather’s depression and anxiety have, in turn, really helped me to better understand what my own husband is going through as he deals with similar issues, and for that I can’t thank you enough. I wish you both the best. On a lighter note, I’m fixing spaghetti for dinner tonight, and there’s this dog/pasta trick I’ve been dying to try…
Heather is so brave for taking this step, and I am sure your support makes it so much easier. Throwing in the towel is always the easier option, so huge applause to you all. My family hold you all in our prayers and send good and groovy vibes your way. Please send love to Heather, give Leta a kiss and tell Chuck we think he rocks! Thanks for updating us.
My thoughts/prayers/meditations and good vibes are with you all. Thanks for the update and I look forward to more good news. All my Canuk love to you, Heather, Leta and Chuck.
Thanks for the update. I’ve been worried about the two of you and trying to send out as many good thoughts/vibe/psychic energy as possible. Hang in there! From all the comments you’ve gotten so far, please let Heather know hundreds of people are pulling for her.
Best wishes and a speedy recovery!
Here’s to hoping that a good chemical alchemy can be found to get our Dooce back on an even keel. I wish you 4 (I have to include my favourite puppy - besides the pooper of course) the best wishes possible for a speedy and hopefully long term recovery.
Ah heck, refried beans just look the same going in as coming out.
MY thoughts are with the three of you. I know this is an amazingly difficult time for all of you, and the thing that warms my heart is that Heather has such a wonderful support system in you. I wish for you the best, and a quick and complete recovery. Or at least some really good rest.
I LOVE refried beans!!
I’m so glad to see that Heather’s doing better. You’re both in my thoughts!
You are all in my thoughts!
Don’t let the Bastards wear ya’ll down~!
I am glad you have each other
Peace!
Your family will continue to be in my prayers. Even though I don’t *know* Heather I think of her as a dear friend.
Jon, you are amazing.
man i love you guys. thanks for the update! my thoughts are always with you.
I pray for both of you. You can get through this, and I wish you the best of luck for the future.
Godspeed!
thinking of you both, and wishing you strength
Your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for the update, please keep us posted on how things are going. Blessed Be.
Becca
you all deserve so much goodness in life, i can only hope that it comes soon.
my thoughts are with you.
all the way from europe i’m sending my love - i know you’ll make it.
you both are amazing- i admire your courage, your strength and the love you share… you are in my thoughts and prayers
Thank you both for being so open and genuine and wonderful. My prayers go out to you and the beloved dooce. Be strong and feel the love we all send your family in this desperate, hopeful hour.
Praying for you guys.
I’ve been quietly reading Heather’s site for a few mnths now and all I can say is that it takes one strong person to do what she has done. Much luck and thoughts to both of you for your courage and hers. If only more people were like you two.
CANADA LOVES THE BLURBODOOCERY!
You two make me smile, tear up, actually laugh out loud … My thoughts are with you, guys.
Okay, I’m a bad Heather-fan. I posted an email BEFORE I wandered over to your site Jon. But since I’m here I just wanted to say to you both that without Heather’s voice on the web it’s just not the same. That wit, sarcasm and brutal honesty she shares peppered with love and admiration for you and Leta is the true spirit of what the internet was and I hope will always have somewhere! Give Heather a hug for me, just one adoring reader, and tell her she’s missed!
-Becky
Heather is so brave to so open about this struggle. I am certain that she is helping countless people to feel less alone. My prayers are with you all.