Update
August 27th, 2004To all of you who have sent concern, good thoughts, well wishes and postive vibes I can’t thank you enough. We can’t thank you enough. I doubt I’ll be able to return all of the emails, so please don’t be offended if you don’t get a response.
Heather is doing well. After a sleepless night, she’s on a series of medications that seem to have calmed her down. Leta and I just got back from a wonderful lunch with Heather and things are looking more up than they have in a good while. Heather talked of taking a nap and that is probably the best thing she could have said to me. I’ve been so worried about her lack of sleep that anytime she lies down is a good sign.
I know that today is just a step, and no cure-all. Still, one must find the positive behind the anger, frustration and seeming futility. It has been so difficult to watch Heather suffer for so long. I’d list all the meds we’ve got in our medicine cabinet, but I don’t have the strength to type it all out. If we didn’t have insurance, we’d be screwed. She’s getting excellent help and they are looking into every possibility (blood work, thyroid, hormones, diet, et al).
On the me front, being with Leta has been wonderful. Her smile and cooing and squealing are a salve. She’s also apparently a fan of mushed refried beans, so that’s a good sign. I’m sure someone out there is going to chastise me for mentioning refried beans as the worse possible thing I could do for Leta. If that’s the case, I’d recommend that you wait awhile before clicking either the “Send” or “Post Comment” button.
I don’t know when I’ll update again, as I’ll be spending the next several days with Heather. I’m leaving comments open, in the hopes that if you were thinking of sending an email to either myself or Heather, you’ll consider leaving a note rather than sending the mail. I know it’s not as personal, but I guarantee she’ll read the comments before she’ll plow through her email. Besides, I think it’s good to share the love. More than anything else, experiencing this level of kindness has reaffirmed my faith in people to be nice and decent and good.
Thank you thank you thank you for your kindness. o
Thinking about you always in Connecticut!
If anyone can get through this - Heather can - with the love and support of her incredible husband and adorable daughter. You are not alone. We all love you and support you.
Sending you good vibes and loving wishes.
Godspeed.
Thinking about the three of you always! Heather, thanks for inspiring us all with your courage and honesty.
Love from Connecticut!
May sleep comfort you, beautiful and courageous Heather. Sending love to the whole family from Michigan.
I never check my ‘blog reads’ on the weekends but I just had to check in @ Dooce to see if there was an update. It sounds like Heather’s slowly on the mend. The 2 of you are in my thoughts. Hang in there.
Load up on the refried beans Leta, go for it babe, whatever rocks your diaper off
my thoughts are with you all, especially heather during her courageous battle. wishing a quick recovery for dooce and a speedy reunion for your family.
Just another note to say I am thinking of you all and sending you tons of love from little old me in Boston. And my cat sends love too. As the Tinman in the Wizard of Oz says, (in the book) “Never give up. You never know what’s going to happen next.” I am wishing it is something wonderful.
Also, another favorite - “if you are going through hell, keep going”.
I can’t remember who said that one…
it seems everything’s already been said, so all i can add is some more Internet love from Australia. x
my preliminaries for a major exam are but less than a week away, yet i can’t stop myself from coming online, typing in dooce.com (after which, blurbomat.com) and hoping for an update.
today, there was one awaiting me!
dear dooce, i hope you’ll be able to sleep better than ever before after your treatment. get well soon — because leta, chuck and most importantly, jon, all need you.
(plus, i can’t live without your blog. :\ )
jon : three cheers for you! (hiphiphurray hiphiphurray hiphiphurray!) hang in there.
No matter my various comments regarding some of your posts, Heather, you are someone we (my blog reading group) deeply care about. You are in my prayers and my thoughts.
May you have competent doctors and accurate medication!
Love from St. Louis for one very brave Heather.
Hello Jon,
I just wanted to say first off that you are one of my favorite, if not the favorite, cousin-in-law’s. I’m glad to hear Heather was able to take a nap and things are looking up. I’m also glad to hear that you’ve been able to talk to Robert and Tiffany a lot, and been able to help each other in the process.
Hope everything is well, I didn’t forget about sending those pictures to you, I’m just super busy with the college life and all.
I leave you (and Leta, and Chuck, and Heather) my best.
So good to hear there has been some improvement. Hang in there both of you, continued well wishes coming your way.
sending my love and prayers for heather and all of you. i adore all four of the immediate armstrong clan (:
and gl with the refried bean poopie diapers (!)
I’m a new-ish dooce/blurb reader who has been telling my husband my concerns for you guys since first reading of H’s postpartum depression & anxiety. I’m a stay home mom of a 9mo, so I know how maddening it can be sometimes keeping the baby engaged and happy. ESPECIALLY when you are tired and spent in every way yourself. My heart has been going out to you for months now.
If there’s such a thing as positive kharma, then you must be feeling some good effects from all of this cyber-love from your readers! Best wishes, thoughts, prayers, etc. YOU CAN DO THIS!
Lots of well wishes coming your way. Thank you for the update.
Heather is sososososoososososososoooooo brave to be doing all of this! Anything to do with doctors and needles and medicine scares the crap out of me. I don’t think I could ever bring myself to voluntarily do something like that. Good luck!
Ladies and gentleman,
Welcome to the new American Soap Opera -
“Living a Real and Actual Human Life, by Heather and Jon”
These two beautiful people, in conjunction with their little Leta, give us joy, sorrow, pain, exaltation and elation on a regular basis - just like humans should experience every day. I love them both !!
“Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.”
- Jimmy V
Love the donate idea - thanks to those who suggested it. Not only will it help guarantee that we remain up on the haps of this kick-ass family, but I think it’ll be cool to make things a little easier for them during a time when life is kicking their asses a little (but only temporarily… Stand by for Round Two, when the Armstrongs get all super-fly TNT, Guns of the Navarone on life’s shit!)
Yay for good doctors. A good one got me out of lock-down too!
Yay for unlocked and visits! When I was in there, I played pingpong with my sister and proclaimed I was Forrest Gump, using my 2 paddles..despite not hitting one ball!
Now who looks crazy?! Believe me, you can handle this!! Thanks for these updates and your strength and care of your family, Jon. Love to Heather! Love to you all!
Just wanted to say my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family…I’m sending you tons of good thoughts!
Take care, Armstrong Family!
Hello — I’m a daily Dooce reader and after chiming in with all of the wishes and hopes her readership are sending, have the following bits of wisdom for you.
My childhood situation as a child was a bit similar to Leta’s. I’ve never met anyone in the same boat before so I’ve never been able to compare experiences but, from afar, and in case any of what my family learned could help you guys, here goes.
My mother has bipolar affective disorder. She had a breakdown ten months after I was born and needed a rest in the psych ward. This was her second or third such episode and she had many more over the years. So, though mom’s situation is extreme in comparison to Heather’s, and not to mention the drugs these days are, like, waaaay better, here are some things we learned:
-after three sleepness nights, mom would get sick. No question. So, the trick was in making sure she slept. Over the years, we found the best thing was for her to have afternoon rests. She wouldn’t always sleep, but it helped. The sleeping pills helped too.
-when mom was well, we needed to be more than a nuclear family. we needed extended family and friends around to help take care of the kids, because she needed to get away from the intensity of the mother-kid relationship. She is just a very sensitive person who needed constant reminders of things to help her get perspective.
-when mom wasn’t well, my father, who was working, needed a similar amount of help as he became quite strained from the pressures of taking care of his job, kids and wife. (we made the mistake of trying to do everything alone)
-my father never relaxed his taking-care-of-the-family role. this was hard on everyone, and him too. take it from me: do not put your own emotional needs aside just because hers are greater. take breaks to go fishing.
-another lesson we learned was that my sister could visit my mom in the ward and it would be fine. But I was too sensitive and tended to act strangely around her. So I was taken to visit her less as otherwise it was too much of a strain on me.
-another mistake we made is that we tried to hide a lot of this stuff (my father is very very private). Luckily YOU guys aren’t silly people!
-we also tried to hide our own problems from mom so as not to burden her. in fact, i think she would have felt less guilty about getting sick if she had been able to help us with our shit. Also, it would have provided a welcome distraction from her demons.
-it is excellent that you’d already weaned Leta. We hadn’t weaned me, and that was very hard on mum and I, I gather.
-don’t depend on drugs alone. it’s fashionable these days to say mental illnesses are chemical balances only, but if you look closer at the literature, that appears to be only half the story. If your doctor has prescribed her ten different meds in a few months with no psychotherapy, I highly suggest changing doctors.
Anyway, there are probably lots of other things I could say, but these are the main ones. Thank you for reading this far. I’ve always wanted to share these things with someone who could get some use out of them. i can tell you I have some idea of how you feel and, though families with mental illnesses struggle more than others, the lens they see the world with is more exquisite because more deeply felt.
Keep cool, stay warm
L
I was talking to some non-blog-reading new parents today about Heather and what she’s doing. They both said, “That is so wonderful that she took the steps to do that” and then told me scary stories about things that happen when mothers (and fathers) aren’t smart enough and proactive enough to deal with this kind of anxiety and depression. I will not go into horror stories here for obvious reasons, but I will say: Thank God that you are smart enough and caring enough people to seek the help that is needed.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
And also, with all of the joy you spread into our little lives through the Web, some excellent karma is beyond due. Here’s hoping it arrives quickly!
{{{BlurboLetaChuckDooce}}}
with love from Los Angeles.
My heart and thoughts go out to your family, Jon.
I’m glad to hear heather is starting on a path that seems well. I hope she better soon. and Jon, you are so strong for going though this with Her and helping all you can. You two are truely great people.
Myself and a few friends, send our thoughts and best wishes your way, with love from CT.
i can’t say anything that hasn’t been said 327 times already, but our thoughts are with you in san francisco.
xoxo
The entire family are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you both for your beautiful humility.
Well darn, because I flunked blog reading comprehension and the clicking of URLs that are posted in blog entries for educational purposes, I didn’t see until too late that I shouldn’t have sent an email, and should have instead commented here. Please forgive my blog lurker bad manners. To sum up my email, I too went slightly insane a couple of years ago, am now the person I am today, still slightly insane, however no longer in a so-called clinical way.
You’re my hero Mrs Dooce, and you as well Jon, both of yours bravery is inspiring.
Sending many warm thoughts your way,
From Seattle - Sheryl
ps I think the eating of refried beans is very nouveau.
Wow- 330 well wishers… you barely need another! However, I too sent an email yesterday- it was about magnesium & it’s possible relation to chronic depression/fatigue. I’m reading lately that a combo of magnesium/calcium (about 600mg & 1,200mg) can do wonders for people tortured with all kinds of things- maybe Heather’s drs have considered it already? (I sent a “letter” I found on line from a girl with chronic depression & she claims magnesium has changed her life- SAVED it, actually- she was on the verge of suicide.
You both are so brave to share your lives like this with… whomever, and those of us who read either just adore your little family- and those who don’t should not waste your time our ours & go elsewhere.
Great love & prayers,
Aimee & Jean-FranÁois
hugs from new zealand.
-teresa
I’m glad you and Leta are enjoying your time together, and I’m so glad that Heather is getting what she needs as well. I hope your family has turned a corner and that things can look up from here.
Hugs & Love & Hope from Peoria.
best wishes, prayers and good luck to you, Heather, and Leta.
what i wanted to say doesn’t translate into English all that well so:
Bar·ttukvejur fr· Õslandi = best wishes & good luck in the fight
a fan from Iceland
To Leta: Refried beans are the best, both for snacking and decoration (the dried stuff is like CEMENT).
To Chuck: I’m thinking you could milk this for a lot of potato chips. Maybe even cheese.
To Jon: You are indeed a Superhero.
To Heather: Continue to kick ass, Mama Dooce. If you ever doubt that you are doing the best thing for your family, DON’T. Plus, thank you for maintaining your sense of the absurd. Of course mental disease is serious, but much of it is so, so funny. Bless you (if blessing from a lapsed Congregationalist mean anything).
Horray for both of you for embarking on this very brave step.
wonderful Heather - you are in so many way such a strong woman, your honesty and bravery is inspiring. I just know wellness is ready to say hello to you very soon.
Absolute best wishes from Springfield, IL.
It is raining outside, here in Toronto. But soon I know the clouds will shift their weight, slip away and the bright bright sun will shine. Then later, there will stars and a full moon.
You four will see this soon, too.
Daily, I sit and read both of your posts with matched awe. You are tremendous people. Almost every day, something that Heather writes strikes a cord so deep in me that I am moved to tears. While this may sound hokey, it’s true. I call my cute husmick in here and make him lay on the floor and listen while I read out loud. We’re thinking of all three of you - again, without knowing you, and yet knowing you in a very deep and meaningful way. Heather: you are strong and brave and beautiful. Jon and Leta are both extremely lucky. Jon: Heather couldn’t have pre-ordered from the husmick store a better guy. Both her and Leta are lucky. You two blow our minds on a regular basis and we are wishing and hoping and pulling for you all. I wish I were there to cover baby Leta’s cheeks with kisses and to tell her (as an outsider) how much her parents love and adore her. We are thinking of you all … xox
To both of you - the strength and love you have for each other and your individual courageousness will get you through this.
To Jon - For being a wonderful, loving supportive husband that puts all other “typical husbands” to shame - you ROCK! Heather is lucky to have to and I am sure you are just as important as an therapy of treatment in her getting better.
To Heather - From now on whenever someone asks me who I would most like to meet in this world. My answer is you. Your courage and determination to get better is paralleled by no other.
Having anxiety and depression myself I agree with you - STIGMA SCHMIGMA - It is part of who we are and if people do not like it - TOUGH!
Here is to getting home soon and LOTS AND LOTS of NAPS!
I am so glad things seem to be looking up a bit. I have been worried aboout Heather (strange how you can be worried about someone you’ve never met). I have three kids (for some reason I feel compelled to give you my parenting resume, in hopes my unsolicited, probably unwanted advice will weigh more). I know that the tunnel out of post-partum depression is a long and hellish one, but I wanted to tell you two things which helped me. One was having a close friend move in with us for a while. It was such a life saver to have another Adult in the house during the day while my husband was at work. Also getting out of the house regularly without the baby: volunteering, a part time job, or a get together with a friend. I know there is no quick fix, and these things may not help at all, and people have probably already suggested them, but I wanted to put in my $.02. I am sending you good thoughts and prayers.
From one who has been there and back again, I’m offering no advice, simply sending cyber hugs and warm vibes to both of you every day as you get through this together. It can get better; it will get better.
You’re in my thoughts.
Heather, you are the coolest mother-fucker in the world. Youíll be in my thoughts and Iíll be sending you love along with the rest of the internet.
So many non-religion based prayers are being sent to all of you. I have similar issues, and I am often amazed at how little credit my husband recieves for his care of me, and yet he does it, just because he loves me. He’s my hero, much like I am sure that you are to Heather.
All my good thoughts are for you, Heather, Leta, and Chuck! Much love.
Jon,
You are a rock, and your love and caring for Heather amazes me. You are doing the most wonderful job and I’m sure you’ll be rewarded!
Heather,
You are the bravest woman I know. I have twin 4 month olds, and you are a bright spot in my day. I should tell you that you are not alone in your battle, and you will win. Thank you for being an honest light for my tunnel, I to am seeking help with my monsters.
Leta,
My five year old son had his first pinto beans at 7 months and has been a tooter ever since, you are going to love ethnic food!
to my new surrogate internet family:
i promise the next time anyone clicks on the url link i’ll actually have some content to be viewed..
if leta likes refried beans, you should try the whole burrito with her.. i had a Blue Margarita Birthday Bash for myself and my daughter Lenore was only 2 at the time.. not only did she enjoy making a burrito and eating it, but she turned herself into one, as well. Footy pajamas and shredded cheese. nummy!
both of your entries brought tears to my eyes, and it seems as if you’ve been able to take a deep breath and sigh. it’s good to hear that you feel things will improve.. i hope it’s speedily, because jiggly plastic food is *not* cool unless it’s called Jello.
be well.. <3
Just look at all the people who care so much about your family. And I’m certainly included in that bunch.
Tried, in fact, to tell my boyfriend about you this weekend: “I’m really worried about my friend. She’s had to go to the hospital–”
“That’s terrible. Which friend?” he asked.
“Well, you don’t know her. I mean…well, I don’t really know her either. But she has a baby. And a dog, and she ties spaghetti around his nose, which is really funny. And her husband, Jon–who I don’t know either–is amazing. And I’ve never met her, but she makes me snort-laugh when she puts cabbage in her bra….”
Yup. Before you know it, I’ll be your new hospital roommate.
You’re a great mom, Heather. Leta is lucky to have BOTH of you. (And so am I!)