Restart
September 2nd, 2004I can’t begin to thank all of you for your comments of support, your good vibes, your prayers, your thoughts and love. Yeah, I said it. Love. I’m blown away by how much the internet loves my dooce, and by extension, her family. Thank you thank you thank you.
Some of my worst time while Heather was in the hospital was when I’d leave her and head home for the night. Family watched Leta so I could spend time up at the hospital with Heather. Heather and I would share dinner and conversation and then I’d have to leave. It was so difficult to leave each night. The first night was the worst, because I knew Heather was not happy about being in the unit she was assigned. I didn’t sleep so good and I caught a cold. It may have been sympathetic, stress-related or Leta may have given it to me. During the hospital stay, I siphoned off a lot of clear mucous from Leta. Yes, I know she may be teething. Still, we’re talking maybe half her body weight. Particularly bad were the morning siphonings. I worked the nose-syringe good. Leta actually likes it.
Getting up in the mornings and feeding Leta without Heather around was surreal. We normally take a team approach to mornings where one of us feeds Leta and the other makes breakfast and coffee. It was so lonely and weird to not have Heather here. I ached. I put on a brave face for Leta, and her smiles and noises helped me cope.
Being without Heather in those beautiful moments with Leta hurt like nothing I’ve experienced before. For the first time since Leta was born, I was faced with what it would be like without Heather. It wasn’t good. When I had such moments, I’d wait until Leta was down for her nap and I’d hit the comments that had been left and be uplifted.
You all helped me through a rough time more than I can adequately express. I think I’m still a little shell-shocked at the outpouring.
I’ve gone back to work this week and it’s been a struggle. I’ve been extra worried about Heather and how she would handle being home. I’m so happy to have Heather back. I’m slowly starting to feel like my hope for Heather to be happy has paid off. She deserves to lead a life free from the prison of depression.
Through all of this, I’ve become an ardent post-partum depression treatment evangelist. So many women suffer through post-partum and don’t get the help they need. It’s treatable and women don’t have to live that way. Post-partum depression is very common, and there’s nothing wrong with asking for help. As I write this, I’m aware of my own inability to ask for help, being raised with Mormon pioneer blood coursing it’s way through my body and causing me to believe that asking for help is an admission of not only weakness, but incompetence. I know nothing is further from the truth; the converse is true. Asking for help is a sign of bravery.
We are not through this, but signs are good. Heather is sleeping as I write. She’s taking naps as well. These are good signs. o
September 3rd, 2004 at 10:17 am
i am so happy things are looking up. we, the internet’ers, are so lucky you have let us into your lives so we COULD offer some sort of support. so thank you for that. may things continue to get better, in the mean time, i will keep your family in my heart.
September 3rd, 2004 at 10:17 am
Jon, you’re such a wonderful person. You both are ridiculously lucky to have each other.
I’m glad things are starting to look up again - you both deserve it.
Kathleen
September 3rd, 2004 at 10:23 am
Welcome home to you, too, Jon, in all the senses of the word.
Good signs are good. We’ll take good signs.
I said before and I’ll say again, the three of you are cradled in the hearts of many… despite and because of the oddity of the internet. Props to you for sticking together on the courageous path.
September 3rd, 2004 at 10:27 am
i’m so relieved that she’s home and feeling better. and glad that you two can be together. my hubby’s gone a lot now & after 6 years of NOT having that and now dealing with it, all i can say is it’s not easy.
it’s so cool to read about how much you two love being together. i’m glad you have hope about the future and about heather’s health. *hugs* to all of you.
September 3rd, 2004 at 10:30 am
How lucky Heather is to have a husband like you. And how lucky you are to have her. You two warm my heart. Here’s to much happiness and love!!!
September 3rd, 2004 at 10:31 am
Postpartum is so common, so misunderstood and so taboo. Did you know drug companies used to not test drugs on women because their hormones would affect the results? So many drugs were put on the market without knowing how they would affect women, because estrogen and the like were “abnormal.” This same thinking is why we have such pat terms like “the baby blues” for a serious condition and why women hide or dismiss serious symptoms. (jen alights off her soap box, sticks the landing, and gets seriously point-screwed by the canadian judge) Anyway. Because you were so open, so upfront and so willing to share your experiences, maybe some people will treat it as a normal but treatable condition, and maybe some woman will seek treatment and help through it.
Go you. Oh, yeah, and it’s teethng. It so sucks. Gwen is doing it too. Stock up on baby tylenol. Also, there’s pooh and tigger teething blankets and target…she loves that tiggery goodness.
-Jen
September 3rd, 2004 at 10:53 am
I have been so moved by reading both your blog and Heather’s. I started reading maybe 6 six months ago, and I look forward to new posts, triumph in your joy with Leta, and think of you all during these times.
I’ve been through a serious depression, with some anxiety, in my life and I can’t tell you how I wish for relief for Heather, and you as well. While it may sound strange or selfish, I want to just remind you to look after yourself and not lose yourself, either. Caring for someone with serious depression can at times be as complex as the depression itself, but is often not seen or acknowledged.
Your blogs inspire me artistically and otherwise. I, like Heather, have found love, friendship, and family in my marriage with a man a few years older than myself who is also divorced. I read her writing and it moves me almost to tears, because it’s how I feel about my husband…
Anyhow, an anonymous internet soul here, thinking of you. Take good care! And please do take care of yourself as well…
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:00 am
Good grief! I know Heather’s posts can make me cry (like the current 7 month letter to Leta), but now YOU have gone and made me cry too! You Armstrongs are amazing people, with an amazing dog too. Isn’t it great sometimes how you can rock the internet world, and then we get a chance to rock you back? Hang in there, we’re all still behind you 100+%!
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:01 am
I am so happy for all of you that things are going so well. Your entire family has been in my prayers.
I do have to admit that I got a small case of the giggles last Sunday night in church. We have a time in our service where we can quietly speak out loud the name of the person we’re praying for. I spoke Heather’s name, then started giggling thinking that Heather would probably get a kick out of the fact that she’s being prayed for by some Baptist-raised, Episcopal-church-going, southern girl that she’s never met and more than likely never will meet. Then I realized - that’s the beauty of the internet!
My best to all of you - especially Leta and cute little Chuck - give him a pat on the head from our family.
Melissa
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:08 am
What a relief to hear Heather is feeling better, and our collective love fest helped some.
I have a tendency to slide towards depression as well, and i’m glad to know we ‘the internet’ were able to help in any way possible. Much love to you all.
P.S. Could Leta and Chuck be any cuter in those new pictures? I don’t think so!
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:17 am
best of luck to you all while on the road to a full recovery. your support of each other is amazing and if the support of your readers is helpful, well then it is only inspired by the love that you and heather show each other.
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:20 am
You and Heather are remarkable people who touch so many lives through the openess and frankness of your writing. I’ve been thinking of you both so often this past week and rejoice in hearing things are going better. I love that you found strength from the comments when you needed it the most. The Internet, she is a wonderful thing. I’m thinking of you, dear Armstrongs, and wishing you more good days, more smiles, more Leta giggles, more Chuck kisses, more happiness, more blissful sleep and more of all the good things.
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:20 am
I am so happy for you and Heather! I’m glad she’s sleeping better.
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:31 am
I’m so happy that things are looking hopeful for you guys. It’s always darkest before the dawn. You guys rock, and you’re in my thoughts and prayers.
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:31 am
We may hardly know each other personally, but you and your family will be part of my prayers.
Keep the faith.
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:33 am
I, too, am very happy for both of you.
But, dear Jon, take care of yourself. Don’t burn out, okay?
{{{hugs}}} to you and your family!
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:35 am
I once read somewhere that one of the greatest lessons we can learn in life is to learn to miss our loved ones before they are gone.
Sounds somewhat morbid but it’s true. It’s when you really notice the little things and realize how important they are to your happiness. That’s when you realize, really know, exactly how essential someone is to you.
The signs really are good. I’m so pleased to hear that Heather is feeling better already and things are looking up. The best to you all!
Sleep, Heather, sleep.
Steph
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:49 am
Jon, I’m so glad to read today’s post. I can feel the growing relief that things are heading in the right direction. As a depression survivor myself (and a recent one, at that - I can totally relate!), I can’t tell you how much I admire the support and love you’ve given Heather through the recent past.
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:52 am
I’m so happy things are going better for you and dooce! The signs mentioned are very good ones indeed, and realizing just how much you both need each other can do nothing but positive things for you both! Leta is one very, very lucky little lady to have you!
September 3rd, 2004 at 11:58 am
I’ve got to second that “post-partum depression evangelist” notion, not to mention plain old garden variety depression. It’s horrible. A lot of people deal with it, and a lot of people are resistant to medication, but I think Heather’s story is a mighty fine argument for better living through chemistry.
Love to you all (and some treats to chuck!)
September 3rd, 2004 at 12:05 pm
And the sun keeps shining
September 3rd, 2004 at 12:08 pm
Whooohooooo!!! So glad to hear the good news. I just read the updates on dooce, and it puts tears in my eyes to hear the excitement of Heathers new found joy and relief. And the best part is that it’s only going to get better from here!
Hugs to the Armstrongs!
September 3rd, 2004 at 12:12 pm
You made me cry. You are a wonderful family. I am a loyal fan of Dooce. I pray for Heather daily and hope things go well. I have a good feeling about this family you have created. I wish you all the best and look foward to both of your journals on life!!
September 3rd, 2004 at 12:13 pm
{{{{John, Heather, & Leta}}}}
So glad to hear that things are looking up, glad to know the comments gave you a lift while you were down, and really glad to hear that you are resistant to that message of weakness for these types of issues (gawds that stuff pisses me off to no end, great way to continue the stigma of mental health issues!)…it’s not weak to ask & seek help, it’s weak if people DON’T.
and REALLY REALLY glad to hear that she is taking naps…catch a few yourself, too, if you can, you deserve it!
September 3rd, 2004 at 12:17 pm
Again, I am so glad to hear that things are looking up for you and Dooce. Your blogs are so inspiring to so many, that I’m glad we were able to help you through this difficult time. Please know you are still in all of our thoughts, and here’s to more good times ahead. Hug Leta and scritch Chuck for the blurbodoocery fan in South Carolina.