Restart
September 2nd, 2004I can’t begin to thank all of you for your comments of support, your good vibes, your prayers, your thoughts and love. Yeah, I said it. Love. I’m blown away by how much the internet loves my dooce, and by extension, her family. Thank you thank you thank you.
Some of my worst time while Heather was in the hospital was when I’d leave her and head home for the night. Family watched Leta so I could spend time up at the hospital with Heather. Heather and I would share dinner and conversation and then I’d have to leave. It was so difficult to leave each night. The first night was the worst, because I knew Heather was not happy about being in the unit she was assigned. I didn’t sleep so good and I caught a cold. It may have been sympathetic, stress-related or Leta may have given it to me. During the hospital stay, I siphoned off a lot of clear mucous from Leta. Yes, I know she may be teething. Still, we’re talking maybe half her body weight. Particularly bad were the morning siphonings. I worked the nose-syringe good. Leta actually likes it.
Getting up in the mornings and feeding Leta without Heather around was surreal. We normally take a team approach to mornings where one of us feeds Leta and the other makes breakfast and coffee. It was so lonely and weird to not have Heather here. I ached. I put on a brave face for Leta, and her smiles and noises helped me cope.
Being without Heather in those beautiful moments with Leta hurt like nothing I’ve experienced before. For the first time since Leta was born, I was faced with what it would be like without Heather. It wasn’t good. When I had such moments, I’d wait until Leta was down for her nap and I’d hit the comments that had been left and be uplifted.
You all helped me through a rough time more than I can adequately express. I think I’m still a little shell-shocked at the outpouring.
I’ve gone back to work this week and it’s been a struggle. I’ve been extra worried about Heather and how she would handle being home. I’m so happy to have Heather back. I’m slowly starting to feel like my hope for Heather to be happy has paid off. She deserves to lead a life free from the prison of depression.
Through all of this, I’ve become an ardent post-partum depression treatment evangelist. So many women suffer through post-partum and don’t get the help they need. It’s treatable and women don’t have to live that way. Post-partum depression is very common, and there’s nothing wrong with asking for help. As I write this, I’m aware of my own inability to ask for help, being raised with Mormon pioneer blood coursing it’s way through my body and causing me to believe that asking for help is an admission of not only weakness, but incompetence. I know nothing is further from the truth; the converse is true. Asking for help is a sign of bravery.
We are not through this, but signs are good. Heather is sleeping as I write. She’s taking naps as well. These are good signs. o
i’m so happy for your little family. dooce’s story has prooved that depression is real and that it can happen. i only wish best things for you guys and little Leta.
Stay right there…I’m gonna get my man to come read this little love story. Don’t move. I’ll be right back.
I’m glad things are looking up! I have mements like that when i realize what it would be like without someone around. Mom, dad, whomever.. it’s hard to explain but there’s this moment when you realize how much you depend on them, and how much they contribute to not only your life and existence, but your every day motions.. and then it hits you… my god.. how would i function without them? who would i talk to? how does tomorrow come without a goodnight from them because you can’t remember or fathom having a tomorrow without them in it…
Everything has been said already, but…
I think it’s great that you are sharing your experience. It wasn’t that long ago in the history of our country that women who suffered from depression were put into mental institutions against their will/wishes and left to suffer without their families. I think with the increasing awareness of how much women, and their families, suffer from the effects of depression — however it comes about — is due to the popularity of blogs and other electronic mediums, so thank you for your part in this education.
Both of you are such talented people and you, no doubt, will have a talented child in Leta. I know that you will get through this as a family. You are such a devoted father and husband in a time when so many are absent.
I am a Zen Buddhist. In our tradition, we have a Bodhisattva (the Buddhist version of a saint) called Jizo. In short, Jizo is the protector of children and women in transition. The tradition of “praying” to Jizo and its use in Buddhist practice has traditionally been used to help women and families, but is also a representation of peace and goodwill. Since I can’t physically send you a Jizo statue, I am just sending you this message. I think Heather mentioned needing ‘the internet’s’ thoughts and prayers, so this is my version.
Best to you all!
Rock on, Jon. You are a great man…
Yaaay for Dooce for asking for help! Yaaay for Jon for being a great husband/father/man! Yaaay for Leta for being Leta!….my prayers are still with ya’ll.
aw jon! only if all men were as helpful as you are.
and leta too for helping her momma get better
i bet dooce appreciates that so much
good luck guys!
And so it goes…the Blurbodoocery keeps chugging along. I’m so glad everyone is on the upswing, and I’ll continue to keep good thoughts for continued health. You guys deserve all the best in the world.
{{blurbodooce}}
You’re both very brave, strong and kind. Leta & Chuck are so very very lucky, and you are both lucky to have each other.
Hugs hugs hugs.
I’m overwhelmingly relieved and happy that things are getting better.
You two are such a testament to how much simply asking and seeking help can, well, help.
That is awesome that Heather is starting to feel better. I faithfully check both of your sites every day to see what’s going on and was glad to see her post the month 7 newsletter for Leta.
As I’m sure everyone else who comments on your site says, my hubby and I feel like we know you guys and we are glad things are going better.
And you have a pretty cute kid too. And a pretty cool dog.
You are a good husband and a good dad. Certified by me! I hope you are all feeling better soon.
you two are so strong together… we can all only dream to have the relationship you two share!
You two are the definition of what a loving and supportive marriage is. Admiration doesn’t even begin to describe, what all of us who read your site(s) feel for you both. So glad that things are looking up for the Armstrongs!
Hi Jon! I’m glad we’ve been a help to you…and I hope you understand that we’d all do more if we could. Just imagine if we could all stop by and drop off a casserole… clean the house… do the laundry… walk Chuck… gosh, y’all would never have to do any work for, like, three years! Well, you know we would if we could.
I appreciate your post-partum depression evangelism…and be assured that I will think often of Heather as I go through my psychiatry residency. I hope that one day, at one time, I can be for someone else what Dr. Wonderful was for Heather.
And as a married person, I hope and strive to be the kind of spouse that you are being for your wife and your child. You and your stubborn Mormon pioneer blood are being inspirational!
And damn, if that baby girl isn’t the spitting image of her papa. Take care of your women…and yourself.
With lots of love and hugs! and calming meds!
Jon, you’re the kind of man every mother wants for her daughter.
Honestly, I’ve never read a more beautiful love story.
*sniff*
I never knew I could care so much for a family I’ve never met.
I am so happy about all of the positive steps Heather and your family have made over the last week or so. I am proud of you all, in awe of you all and full of hope for you all. I am also grateful that you have shared your story with us. So many will read this and know they are not alone, and will gather strength from your experience.
You will all continue to be in my thoughts.
Add me to the list of suckers who cried upon reading this latest entry. Jon, I’m so glad that even if the sheer mass of comments made it impossible for more than a few to stand out, the sheer mass of comments also was an encouragement to you. SO, SO, SOOOOO glad Heather is home and SLEEPING! Yay sleep! I always feel goofy that I’m so attached to people I don’t know, and who don’t know me…but you guys are special. Hope things continue to improve.
It’s a shame the “for better and for worse” of your vows had to come in such close proximity of each other with the birth and then all the post-partum stuff, but you sound like such an amazing couple — and in turn, such amazing parents. You continue to be in our thoughts. Since our children were born on the same day/year, we like to check in on you. Seeing you both so hopeful again puts a very big smile on our faces. We wish you all the best. Happy seven months to the wee one!
Why is it that I find myself actually “awwing” at my computer, simply when I read the first paragraph? “My dooce.” I’m breaking my zombie state, and am actually giggling like a school girl in the dark of my room. I hope I find a man someday who is half as caring as you — as a complete stranger, it’s quite obvious how much you care for Heather. You can write to a mob of Internet geeks, proclaiming your love for her on a public blog. That’s incredible, and most men would find this somewhat difficult to do. Heather is lucky to have you.
You are both incredibly special. I’m glad things are looking up for Heather, and do know that if either of you ever needed any sort of assistance, thousands of non-stalker, blurbo-dooce-loving nerds would be at your door.
Thank you, for everything — you’ve no idea how fabulous it is to hear that she’s doing well.
Sleeping is a very good sign- take it from another anxiety ridden- insomniac. The level of my sheer squirrelly-ness has a direct corelation to the amount of sleep I’m getting. If I only got to sleep at 7am, the mail slot banging at 9:30 makes me think someone’s in the apartment and it takes me a good fifteen minutes to peel myself off the ceiling.
I have new drugs this week, so far so good.
I think you and my Bear should be co-nominees in a Nobel Prize for exceptional patience, love and understanding. I hope it’s a tie.
Some English poet (I can’t remember which one) wrote “Love is love’s reward.” You deserve all you have, Jon, and all you ever want.
you are a wonderfull husband and father, and Heather is a brave woman. All the best to you and your family.
You must be very proud of her Jon.
I’m glad things are starting to look up for her.
Of course the internet loves your family, Jon. You are real people that show us what it’s like to live a real life with failings, unhappiness, and trials coupled next to joy, elation, and simple beauty. It’s like a real reality-tv show (woah, that would be a cool show — Dooce.com on tv ^^).
But, seriously, I want to thank both of you for your blogs. Heather’s especially, but also yours, has helped me through difficult times in the past few years I’ve been reading. It is because of Heather’s candor that I’ve begun to actually think about and process through all that has transpired in the past few years of my life. I honestly appreciate both of you, and attendent family members. I can’t wait until Leta is old enough to blog for her and Chuck. Thank you both so much for just being there.
Happy Day Happy Family!
What I don’t understand is why our society, since it recognizes this is common for women, doesn’t just construct nice homey places women can go for periods of time. Instead of hospitals or psych wards, have nice residential places - like a hotel, but with a community feel - where husbands and babies and other sibs and family members can visit. It seems so obvious. No stigma. Just recognition of a need that must be filled. Humanity has no problem developing the most comfortable car on the planet to drive, but when it comes to taking care of its sanity, emotions, tears, it’s in a sad state of denial.
I read Dooce every week and have always wondered about her “best husband in the world”. I’m glad that you posted your URL. I can see that she is right. I am so glad that she is getting better and that you support her so much! Hugs to you, Heather and Leta!
It is with so much joy that I read of the relief you are all experiencing. I exhale deeply for you! Hope you all continue to go from strength to strength. You deserve it, and then some. Welcome Home Heather! Be happy, lovely family and thanks for acknowleding our needs by keeping us posted through it all. Wish we could send food and gifts and anything that would help!!!!! xoxoxo
Jon, this is probably going to sound cheesy as hell, but your love for Heather and Leta is beautiful. You are a wonderful husband and father. It does my heart good to know that Heather has such an amazing man standing by her side. Take care of yourself, as well as them, though. xoxoxoxoxo
i am sooo glad to hear things are going better. heather’s last post already sounded a lot better, but the fact that she’s taking naps (!) is awesome. i am still thinking of you guys alot and if i did believe in god i would still pray for you (i guess). since i don’t - i’m just gonna keep thinking of you and send good german vibes. and hugs ;o)
and out of topic here, but i’ve been wondering for so long: what does this xoxoxo mean??
i’m so happy to hear that things are looking up.
Thinking of you all, and sending good wishes across the Atlantic
A hearty “me too” to those who are happy that things are going better for y’all.
Be sure to take care of yourself as well, Jon.
Kim…xoxoxo is an old abbreviation for hugs and kisses.
I am asking my 23 year old wedding obsessed niece to read your site and dooce’s before she marries the pin head. This is what marriage is really all about.
So happy things are better adn hope they continue to improve.
i’ve spent over an hour reading your wife’s blog archives, chuckling to myself at 2 in the morning. its amazing the amount of love u guys have for cute little leta..reading about your family made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside; i even said a little prayer for your wife to feel better and stuff cos she’s so cool.. and i never pray. i’ll shut up now. p.s: all the best to you and ur family and you’re cool too. ok i’ll really shut up now.
jon,
i don’t normally leave comments on this site, or the dooce site but i just had to this time. i have been following heather’s website since about month five of her being pregnant. so, i must say that my concern has been great. i have had the armstrong family in my thoughts and prayers quite a bit these past few weeks. it is just wonderful to hear heather is home and things are looking better. i can not stress enough how brave i think you both are. sharing the most private moments to people you have never met must be scary. i applaud you both for talking about everything. i think people are so closed off, so afraid to let others in. so afraid to not look “good” or “okay” all the time. i think it is so wonderful to see people being real. being able to say i hurt, i am sad, i am scared, and most of all i don’t know know the answers to everything. i can’t stress enough what the honesty of both you and heather has done for so many people. i think you have created a space for so many others to share, be real and get in touch with their real feelings. even if we all aren’t on weblogs talking about it, we are in fact sitting here feeling it. that’s a start. thank you thank you thank you. jon, i think you are so brave. though i don’t know you, you seem like a wonderful man. i can’t tell you enough how great it is so see a man who is in touch with himself and isn’t afraid to share it. i love your honesty and how openly you can express your feelings about heather, leta and everything else you feel. you jon, are a great example to many men. i will continue to log on, tune in and pray for the three of you. i wish for you all, rest, peace and stillness.
jenn
Heather is so lucky to have someone so supportive and understanding. We of the Very household love you all and applaud you both for your bravery.
I’m so glad things are beginning to look up. I know it’s a long road, but every step in the right direction gets you further down it.
Thank you for sharing with us. I feel very lucky to be able to get a glimpse into the minds and hearts of such beautiful souls.
And by the way, how can two people possibly produce something as adorable as Leta? It’s just not possible! I can completely understand Heather munching on those cheeks!! Just too damn cute!
Hooray for naps! Hope Heather naps her ass off for the next few months. You’re such a beautiful family. For your whole lives, you’ll always have each other. But you may not all get to sleep at exactly the same time so don’t forget to take lots of naps.
PPD is a tough thing to beat but it looks like Heather is on her way–with your help. For the ordinary blues, have you tried the ‘baby cheek cure’? The method is obvious but it is surprisingly effective. Just make sure to shave first. Daddies should have smooth cheeks.
kimberly, ahhh - thanks alot… so most definetely XOXOXOXOXO…. to the blurbodoocery ;o)
Jon, so glad to hear y’all are doing better. Continuing to send hugs and good wishes from Newport Beach, CA. Give your ladies hugs from our little family to yours. God, Leta looks so much like you it’s spooky.
The world gives the three of you a collective internet hug. All the best. We’re thinking of you often.
everyone should be as nice as this in person.
I know that you know you are blessed…that your wife is has been blessed with another chance to embrace life unafraid, unashamed. But I’m telling you again because in all of this, many of us have been blessed, too. The internet may love dooce in all her glory and weakness but in that we are loved in return and that is so uncommon in this virtual world of faceless emotions.
The two of you…and Leta too…have effected us in more ways than you know. So. Thank YOU. And Heather. You guys are such an inspiration.
Peace.
jon–
i know that my better half enjoys reading dooce and blurbomat in part because we are in the same boat almost…except at the considering pregnancy stage. i’ve been an “out of the closet with any kind of depression” evangelist since ‘91. That’s when I was formally diagnosed.
Facing down depression as a couple with the loveliness and complications of meds and pregnancy and parenthood is brave and amazing. thanks for blazing the way.
p.s. in the words of the immortal Cohen:
ring the bells that still can ring
forget your perfect offering
there is a crack in everything
that’s how the light gets in