The Rat
October 4th, 2005
This toy rat is the one that Heather has tried countless times to scare me with post-tarantula. I’ve never screamed loud enough or stuck my chin out far enough to warrant a genuine scare.
Leta, on the other hand, after an initially rocky start, pulling one of the cutest ewwww! faces, now takes this by the tail and shakes it up and down, yo-yo like.
I’m convinced that in three days, I could hide this in a drawer or under a pillow and Heather would still shriek loud enough to crack the plaster walls.
I don’t think this would be a photo that I would sell, for the record. MP3s of the shrieking, maybe a whole CD worth? That would be pure gold. o
October 4th, 2005 at 3:55 pm
Ah, marriage…
October 4th, 2005 at 4:06 pm
nice!
October 4th, 2005 at 4:14 pm
My mom bought my 4 year old daughter, Claire, a couple of very real looking rubber ladybugs. Somehow, they always end up upside down on the floor, usually in my bathroom or kitchen. When they are upside down, they just look like dead roaches with their little legs sticking straight up in the air. I still shriek, yell, scream and jump around every single time I walk in and see one of those things,and I run across them several times a day! lol! I’ll never learn, and I doubt Heather will, either! lol!
October 4th, 2005 at 4:27 pm
That’s OK, Jon, there are men like me who shriek like LITTLE girls when presented with the unexpected. My kids forever delight in making me jump a foot or two in the air. Apparently, that kind of thing never goes out of style with the under 10 set.
October 4th, 2005 at 4:37 pm
hehehehehehehe….
God I love practical jokes.
At least Leta is not chewing on the rat…. yet…
October 4th, 2005 at 4:52 pm
I remember when I was newly-married and living in a apartmnet that was populated with non-rubber, live rats…ahh, those were the days!
October 4th, 2005 at 5:00 pm
Dude, hide a George W. Bush doll in her drawer. That should scare the living daylights out of her, and make for some nice shrieking.
October 4th, 2005 at 5:24 pm
I just scared a 6 ft 2 Marine nearly to death by sticking a plastic spider inside his box of Raisin Bran, so when he poured his morning dose of fiber it fell right into the bowl.
Keep up the good work,
A fan of spousal abuse in the form of practical jokes
October 4th, 2005 at 7:24 pm
My old boss was afraid of insects so one day I wrapped up a live cricket in a little box and set it on her desk. She thought it was a present someone had left her. When she opened it the cricket jumped at her lol. I’ve never heard someone scream so loud in my life.
October 4th, 2005 at 7:42 pm
Husbands. *sigh* You gotta ask yourself, Jon, will it be worth it…the retribution, I would imagine, would be phenomenal. “Consequences and repurcussions”. Consider your options well.
October 4th, 2005 at 8:08 pm
Who says no one would buy this? I’m imagining it 18×24 on my living room wall, black and white, with a silver plate underneath that reads, “FINK.”
October 4th, 2005 at 8:09 pm
I once ate a whole gummy rat. Not sure how that’s at all relevant…just thought I’d share.
October 4th, 2005 at 8:30 pm
I have an incredibly life-like looking rubber snake. And a spouse who is terrified of snakes…let the torture begin!
October 4th, 2005 at 10:19 pm
you people have way too much fun
October 4th, 2005 at 11:35 pm
Jon, I’ve decided what you need to do for a living: teach barely computer literate folks like me how to do cool shit with their Macs. I paid $1,200 for an iBook and I can use about 20% of itís functionality. Iíd gladly shell out $200 to sit in your basement for a weekend and have you and Heather teach me how to use the other 80%. Hell, Iíd even let Chuck and Leta chew on my shoes.
October 5th, 2005 at 6:11 am
Oh come on, selling a photo of Heather shrieking at the sight of a rubber rat would be a pre-requisite to this whole photo sales idea - we’d all pay to see that
Only because it means Heather then tries to get you back in very funny ways, which usually don’t work but they’re damn funny to read about!!
October 5th, 2005 at 7:00 am
I’d buy that CD. FOR SURE!
As for “trying to scare the shit out of people”, I’d never get away with it. I’d be giggling too much that they’d catch on and say “OK, what are you up to”.
I wish I could though.
October 5th, 2005 at 9:44 am
In an IT job that I used to work, we had a small mouse problem–and a rubber rat. There was one particularly high-strung person on our team in whose desk we stashed said rat. It scared the bejeezus out of her. She screamed loud enough that everyone on our floor heard it and came to see what happened. Then my parents guilt programming kicked in. I felt terrible. Only for about a week though, when I did it again. >:*)
October 5th, 2005 at 10:27 am
Jason got me with our “rubber roach of doom” this morning. It had been lost for a while, but he found it in his pants pocket last night. As I was getting into the shower I looked down and saw this evil bug starring at me. I screamed like a big ass pansy. Jason’s on the bed rolling because he loves to see me in freak out mode.
October 5th, 2005 at 10:38 am
Does you rat squeak? We have one that does, it terrifies my cat. He would walk in extreme slow motion through a room to get around where the rat was. For some reason he is afraid of dark colored things on the floor… socks, belts etc. SHHHH, don’t tell him he’s a black cat too!
October 5th, 2005 at 11:22 am
My hubby and I play those terrible practical jokes on each other too…..my favorite is putting on a scary mask, or a pantload of makeup like a clown and scaring the crap outta him when he is in the shower…..think Stefani Harajuku Girls….. :p
Or better yet, pouring ice cold water on him while he is in the shower - maybe one day he will start locking the bathroom doors….
October 5th, 2005 at 11:43 am
We used to have a rubber snake we’d scare the dog with… one day I thought hubby was trying to scare ME with the rubber snake, when I went to pick it up…it wasn’t rubber. Yes, I screamed like hell was chasing me. NOT funny.
October 5th, 2005 at 12:52 pm
I use the hide and jump out technique to scare Mr.Strizz. I find it to be the most effective. Especially when the kids are asleep and the house is quiet. Moohahaha
October 5th, 2005 at 1:45 pm
do you really talk that much?
October 5th, 2005 at 3:18 pm
Spiders never used to scare me. I then got a girlfriend who squealed every time she saw a spider, and now, just like Pavlovís dog, I squeal any time that I see one. It’s so stupid - I’m from Australia, now living in London (there’s nothing to be scared of) - but good god I squeal. I’m now thinking that if I could apply the same training principles to a pint of beer with her, it might be entertaining…
October 5th, 2005 at 3:55 pm
I think he’s cute. But my cats would ignore it. No squeaks, no movement. Nothing for them to chase or stalk.
October 5th, 2005 at 4:58 pm
My significant other is terrified of spiders. T-E-R-R-I-F-E-D!!! And he is 6′4″ and probably over 300 lbs, so it’s a sight seeing him scream like a girl and shrink away from a spider in the house. ANY spider, the tiny wispy legged ones, the big ugly black house spiders, daddy long legs…ANY spider. I am confident that if I did the “plastic spider in the cereal box trick” he would either have a heart attack or leave me on the spot. So none of that in my house!
October 5th, 2005 at 7:17 pm
It’s so pretty. Reminds me of morning dew.
The plague’s a close second though.
October 5th, 2005 at 7:41 pm
I really miss the blurbomat whores. Can you bring them back, at least monthly? Please?
October 5th, 2005 at 9:59 pm
I’ve always been terrified of spiders so when I saw the gargantuen wolf spider one day in my house, I daresay, I peed myself. The body (not incl legs) had to be at least 3 or 4 inches wide then add those big ass legs and you have a puddle of pee standing there screaming like a baby. Throw me in a room with spiders and clowns somewhere way up high and I guarantee a heart attack and urination.
October 5th, 2005 at 10:48 pm
My oldest son and I have a wicked game every year of “What can Mom freak me out with this time?” that’s guaranteed to make any child squirm… Last year, I found this rubber chicken that was fulled with those small styrofoam pellets, and this, and it’s cool rubber outside made it’s texture kind of….icky. I shoved it all the way down in the toe of his Christmas stocking, and when my sleepy Eldest Son was pulling it out, early that morning, the weird texture didn’t kick in until it was halfway out… He yelled EUW and threw it, and the facial expression was something that made me laugh until I cried…
Being evil can be fun.
You, however, and not going to get any for quite a long time!
October 6th, 2005 at 3:13 am
CD? I’d say a DVD, and make them videos, not photos! With eBay, you might even be able to sell them!
First time leaving a post here, but have read both yours and your wife’s sites. I hope I will be making my own job transition very very soon. Nice to see people taking up the courage to walk away. Cos it takes much more to leave, than stay put.
Kostas.
October 6th, 2005 at 7:50 am
Trishfreak, I’m scared of spiders and clowns too! We were just discussing this(phobias) in my abnormal psychology class.
October 6th, 2005 at 8:42 am
I put a toy rat like that in front of my cat. She instantly thought it was the real thing. She arched her back, hissed, grabbed by the neck, and threw it 20 feet across the room and against the wall. She then sniffed it and walked away very very embarassed. Not that she would ever admit it…
October 6th, 2005 at 10:04 am
The rubber rat wouldn’t scare me, not even a real one. Or mice for that matter. But when my ‘darling’ little cat brought in a disembowelled mouse and somehow hid it under the sofa, where it wasn’t discovered until the next day when it smelled horrendous and had went all sticky - now that made me scream. And made me tell my fiance to pick it up
October 6th, 2005 at 10:25 am
Disembowelled mouse under the couch? That’s nothing on the gross scale compared to this… How about having your dog eat a bunch of baby gophers during a long off leash walk and then puke them up later…. NOW THAT’S NASTY!!!
October 6th, 2005 at 11:13 am
A few years ago an NPR story included an interview with the owner of a novelty gifts store. He was talking about a small plastic rat for $1.25, and a large rat for $2.50. At that, the interviewer noted that by purchasing the large item, you’d get “a buck twenty five more rat.” I always thought that would make a great band name.
October 6th, 2005 at 11:49 am
Just wanted to throw in here that the picture of you with Leta on your back (dooce’s pic of the day, 10/6/05) makes you look like a rather dashing, rugged, outdoorsy type.
That’s a helluva camera, I guess.
October 6th, 2005 at 1:10 pm
Great shot!
october is the best month ever,scaring people is fun.
October 6th, 2005 at 3:05 pm
looks like rat licorice! yum!
October 7th, 2005 at 12:40 am
My professor told a story about when he bought his first house. He thought they had rats so he set rat traps and poison, and one day he was cleaning the ceiling and one of the tiles came loose, showering him in rat crap, and right in front of him fell two dead rats: one rat with its neck crushed in the rat trap, and the another rat, who was apparently high from the poison, with his teeth sunk into the first rat’s side.
That made me squirm.
October 10th, 2005 at 2:42 pm
After hiking in Hawaii, I was unbraiding my hair in the shower and found a 4 inch real live gecko chilling out in my hair. That proceeded to run down my naked-in-shower arm, and out of the tub.
My husband still finds this story hysterical.
October 12th, 2005 at 10:51 am
The best scare my family has come across is the Toilet Swamp Monster (or something along those lines) - it’s the top hald of a rubber monster, and you suction it’s neck/torso to the underside of the toilet seat, and the hands to the toilet cover, so that it leaps up and makes a scary face when someone liftes the lid.
October 12th, 2005 at 10:57 am
OMG! That is HILARIOUS! We recently had a rat problem in the house which turned into my husband & I coming across a fake black rat and hiding it back and forth trying to scare each other. Last night I went to the fridge and screamed when I saw a grey rat sitting by the fridge. He bought a new grey rat (halloween time and all) on the way home from work and hid it because he knew I was getting *used to* the black rat showing up. LOL! Glad we’re not the only couple that does this. haha!
October 12th, 2005 at 3:29 pm
Many years ago, my ex-wife and I had a similar game involving a small plastic spider. I hid it under the soap in the soap dish in the shower ñ she shrieked. She hid it in my notesÖ. EtcÖ etcÖ.etcÖ.
When I was a younger man ñ I used to wear ìbriefsî, not boxers. ìShe who is evilî decided that it would be funny to hide said spider in my ìtighty ñ whitiesî while they were neatly folded in my drawer.
So, it was much to my surprise, when one morning at work during a mid morning coffee break I went to the urinal and unzipped, only to see a SPIDER fall out on the floor!
Try explaining that one to the guy standing next to you.
October 13th, 2005 at 1:34 pm
HA! Lame rat tricks! Try having your husband stand in the closet doorway - which is right next to the bathroom door- and when you come out of the bathroom - at 2am when mind you he was asleep when you went to the bathroom- he sneaks out after you turn off the light and simply says “boo” - he didn’t even yell it- but thats ok cause i screamed for like 30 seconds straight and fell down on the floor which I am sure was not that good for our unborn child- I am sure that is now why said child is a monster!
October 13th, 2005 at 4:26 pm
HAh. My 5-yr old did the same thing to his dad. We got a couple of dollar rubber spiders in Target the other day, we put it under the cover of my husband’s side. He shrinked like a little girl. HAHAHA…It was a beautiful sight, and sound.
October 14th, 2005 at 7:41 am
hey that sounds very familiar
i used to do that once, you know. this scaring thing is real cute and works with kids
October 18th, 2005 at 6:21 am
Some friends of mine and I take this one step further — they’ve got one of those rubber decapitated arms, and we used to do things like put it, with a sleeve on it, so it looked like someone was climbing into my bathroom window, or put it, fingers out, like someone was trying to climb out of the toilet!
Then I upped the ante: I bought one of those rubber full-head masks of this crazy scary looking guy, stuffed it with newspaper, and left it in the trunk of their car!
I’ve been watching too many episodes of The Sopranos back to back!
October 19th, 2005 at 6:10 pm
I had a co-worker that was wrapped too tight for earth. She had her ID badge with all the ëI been here 25 years pins on ití. I stole her badge and after she spent a week getting new pins and pictures I stole her new one and put the old one back. She took 3 days off. I still smile thinking about it.