Going Big
February 17th, 2006I’ve made a reference before about a music critic on the Sunday morning (Grandpa) show CBS News Sunday Morning. He talks about elitism, smallness and exclusivity, with the implication that being small and exclusive might not be the best way to get your music heard. He was talking about Coldplay. And I can hear the haters already:
“Coldplay sucks now.”
“Coldplay was never good.”
“You like Coldplay?”
Yes, I do. Whatever.
The part of the critic’s review of Coldplay’s album X&Y that really resonated with me was this:
“Since the 90s, a lot of rock has gotten exclusive and elitist and small.”
What struck me about this comment so forcefully last summer when I heard it, wasn’t just that it was so perfectly dead on. It was the universality of what it meant for who we’ve become. And why we choose things like bands and hobbies and movies and television shows and software and sites we visit and how we publish or perform or express ourselves publicly.
Something has to be little-known to be considered cool. Otherwise it’s mainstream. And mainstream sucks. Being big sucks. I used to believe this when I was younger. I used to embody this attitude. There was a kind of mean-spirited quality to it as well. For example, when I was in bands, we’d get pissy when another local band got to go to South by Southwest, or when another local band got a better time slot at a show, or recognized for some great work. Really stupid stuff that was very small. It didn’t make the other band smaller, it made me smaller. And it didn’t really make me feel better in the long run. It didn’t make me write better music or put better energy out there into the world.
I see this nearly every day in the online world. Comment threads and blog posts full of vitriol towards anybody remotely considered mainstream. I’ve been guilty of it as well. Whole sites dedicated to the belittling of the big. When it’s smartly done, and done without ire, I think there can be a valid and necessary conversation. Satire and sarcasm can be wonderful leveling devices. Humor is good. Anger can be good. For example, Enron or a governmental entity. Or Pamela Anderson’s boobs. But if it’s coming from a jealous place or a small place, it’s going to be small in six months or six years and who’s better off?
I’m married to a person with a fairly popular web site. She’s none of the things that the haters rant on about. So many of them fall into what David Pogue at the New York Times calls “online curmudgeons“. But beyond their opinions, however misguided, which they are certainly entitled to, there seems to be a general smallness. Which I think is why, in 2001, when I decided to pursue Heather and make some big life changes, I decided to consciously stop being exclusive, elitist and small. My experiment on this site with openness has often paid me back with huge personal satisfaction and an awareness of others. Others who often don’t agree with me. Watching the same thing happen with Heather and post-partum depression was a truly wonderful experience. Which made the tsunami of anti-advertising commments (and then a subsequent wave of supportive emails to Heather) all the more confusing. “You go girl” vs. “I liked you better when”, with the latter being tinged with precisely what I’m talking about.
To be sure, there is also an element in modern culture of the ever-changing zeitgeist and our constant need for new new new new. But I think that isn’t what I’m getting at today.
Going big isn’t about making money or not making money. For me it’s about not thinking small anymore.
This personal choice has made a huge difference in my life. I’ve been able to work through and get through some difficulties without going supremely crazy. I’ve been better able to wish others well. I’ve been less angry on a creative level. Success for others in my field(s) is only going to benefit the field as a whole, and what is my contribution? Anger? Negativity? Or good work? I’m hoping for the latter. o
February 17th, 2006 at 1:30 pm
I’m so glad so many people agree. Young and little experienced, there are many things I would like to try or learn about that are not in the mainstream. However, I often feel that because I don’t have the right gear, information, font, whatever, I’ll be shunned and mocked. Granted this is likely at least mild paranoia. Although this post seems slightly off topic, what I’m basically saying is that those who want to stay small and exclusive often deprive others. If you travel because you love it why would you wish to deprive others of the same enjoyment simply out of pure snobbery?
February 17th, 2006 at 1:34 pm
Potential cringe over. Done.
I’m totally gonna get in my car tomorrow morning (when I take my son to school) and play whatever the hell I want as loud as I want. And if anyone stares at me or thinks I’m a dork - they can do what Heather says - and suck it.
Remaining grounded takes a measure of self awareness that only comes with a bit of maturity. Tension and friction and problems are the opportunites for that to happen. Thanks for the post, Jon.
Sounds like you and Heather are all growed up now!
February 17th, 2006 at 1:35 pm
I’m a believer in the idea of the collective unconscious, advanced by Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung. The thought that some music is trancendent and can resonate with vast numbers of people is fascinating and somehow comforting to me. It gives witness to the beautiful mortal coil that binds us all together.
February 17th, 2006 at 1:49 pm
Coming from the Land that perfected the Tall Poppy Syndrome, I hear you on so many levels.
For me, the thing that I love about the Heather and Jon (or Jon and Heather, natch) show is the normalcy of it all. Isn’t it telling that you guys pull in a huge audience through sharing daily experiences and thoughts?
That’s not selling out, that’s not reducing to a common denominator, that’s the phenomenon of this time. That we may not have a clue who our neighbour is, but we have people all over the world we share our lives with (and musical loves, art interests (that site on Heather’s blog today is amazing), favourite books, food of the moment, heartache, joy blah blah blah) and get a massive sense of fulfillment and connection from.
I don’t care how big or how small that is. Its value is immeasurable.
February 17th, 2006 at 1:51 pm
Disliking mainstream stuff merely for the fact that it is mainstream is silly, as is liking something merely for the fact that it is underground.
However, from what I’ve seen, mainstream stuff tends to be crap. It doesn’t tend to be crap because it’s mainstream; it tends to be mainstream because it’s crap. The mainstream is determined by a majority opinion, and the majority of people are complete idiots.
Not everyone that dislikes big is small-minded, insecure, or overcome with jealousy. Some people just have a tendency to genuinely disagree with popular opinion.
February 17th, 2006 at 1:52 pm
I realise now I sort of went off on a tangent not completely related to your post. But it’s early Saturday morning here and my sleeping through the night third The Good One child has just had three nights of waking and feeding three times during.the.night. so forgive any ramblings of an unrelated nature.
I’ll try harder next time.
Promise.
February 17th, 2006 at 2:04 pm
Sometimes I find it hard to tell if I really like something or if I’m being spoonfed it and therefore like it.
I don’t like to think of myself as the type of person who likes things just because everyone else does but sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.
I think someone above said something like that.
Also: Logan is going to Coldplay on Wednesday night. I began to say how jealous I was and he had one word for me, with dangerously raised eyebrows.
“Amsterdam”
Right…..
February 17th, 2006 at 2:05 pm
It’s all part of growing and maturing. Welcome to adulthood!
Now, go out and throw water ballowns at the World’s Avon Sales Leader, or more afectionately, your mum-in-law. :):)
V~V
February 17th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
i think we have all fallen prey to this way of thought sometime in our lives. its all about the rebellion - raging against the machine. but as we mature, we realize that for the most part, we are only hurting ourselves. will oil prices drop because i decide not to put gas in my vehicle? not hardly. will i decide that the “coolest band ever” now sucks because they “sold out to the man” and are actually able to feed themselves and pay their gas bill and not freeze in the middle of the night? i would hope i would want more for them than to be so selfish as to want to keep them obscure and poor.
but eventually, like you said, we realize that sometimes bigger is better. oh, except with Pamela Anderson’s boobs. they are better now that they aren’t QUITE as ginormous. they scared me for a while.
February 17th, 2006 at 2:17 pm
I’ve only begun reading this blog after a friend pointed me in the direction of Dooce, but I was struck by these comments. I think when we strive to be different through elitism and smallness, we are hoping that by being exclusive we become more accepted. This is ironic, because if the point of elitism is to bolster others’ opinions, we are in essence tyring to be popular, i.e. part of the mainstream. (forgive me if I repeat someone else’s comments)
I applaud you for recognizing that elitism does not further anyone’s causes, doing harm to our society. We all like to feel important, but those who are truly regarded as “important” are those who try very hard to treat others with respect instead of being bullies.
Just my two cents. Take them or leave them!
February 17th, 2006 at 2:20 pm
Being from the geek tribe, I run into this kind of snobbery all the time. I think a member of Matchbox 20 (I confess I don’t remember which one…Paul, maybe) had a t-shirt that said “Cool bands don’t sell records.” I object in general to the idea that success in your chosen field somehow makes you less, makes you a sellout, and only in the arts. If your chosen field is business and you make it big, well, then, good on ya, but if you’re a musician, making it big means you’re no good? That makes no sense at all.
February 17th, 2006 at 2:26 pm
Hi Jon,
Phew, first time I’ve written on your site. I feel like I’m taking a big step into the great unknown. Deep breaths..
Anyway, I enjoyed reading your thoughts. It makes me think of a saying I heard a few years ago that I try to make resonate in my life: Don’t sweat the small stuff. And it’s all small stuff. It takes a fairly (and in here you can insert any number of “large” descriptives hyphenated to “minded” - broad, global, etc) anyway, let’s go with broad-minded individual to make that decision to think “big”. Funny how we as a world tend to equate big with mainstream. Often, while mainstream is seen to be the easy way out of things, thinking “big” often leads to you being questioned, perhaps lambasted or at the very least, teased by your friends with so-called better taste.
On a similar note, and i’m sorry if you’ve already addressed this in previous posts, was wondering what you thought of the banality of a certain breed of political correctness that we find ourselves living today whereby nothing can be said for fear of offending somebody….choosing, “This is safer to say,” versus, “This is how I feel.” I think people - particularly those who give up part of themselves to the public at large - have to make those decisions every day.
Anyway, thanks a lot for the post!
Meag
February 17th, 2006 at 2:29 pm
This post makes me think of a lot of the people I went to art school with — most of them turned their noses up at anyone or anything that was liked by the general public. Most of these students had six earrings, blue hair, etc. I didn’t. I found it ironic that everyone was so intent on being different that they all looked the same. I was the one who looked different. And oddly enough, that made me a little uncomfortable. I always felt a little like I was not going to be perceived as creative when I looked so mainstream. But guess what? I am, for the most part, mainstream. Granted, I mean mainstream in an urban area, but I’m just not that unusual. These kids (and I say kids because now I’m 37) were ostensibly trying to become famous artists, yet they were allegedly immune to people who were famous themselves. Of course, the few students who ended up successful were those who liked what they liked and were open to almost anything. In the end, humans want to connect and relate to each other.
I apologize if I went off on a tangent, especially since I rarely comment, but if there’s anything I’ve learned over the years it’s that sometimes the coolest thing is to be open and to be yourself.
February 17th, 2006 at 2:34 pm
Ah, yes, the old “U2 hasn’t put out a good album since Joshua Tree” syndrome. Elitism and jealousy are petty, small reactions to success and notoriety. In my life-long struggle to be cool, I have fallen victim to this mindset with a few things, but never with music. I like what I like, and if you don’t like it, listen to your own stuff and zipit.
I’m always amused when I hear opinions along those lines. Twenty-some years ago, I was in a record store buying concert tickets for what was to become my favourite band, 54-40. Someone I knew - a guy who defined ‘music snob’ at the time - made the remark that they were now too popular and therefore no longer cool. Funny thing is, even after Hootie and the Blowfish covered I Go Blind (a 54-40 song, for those who don’t know) and made them gobs of royalty money, they still didn’t become huge, and have stuck to their socio-political guns for 25 years now. I know they’d love to go the way of U2, but will always suffer from the Canadian “Hip syndrome” sween mentioned above.
Is this way of thinking the exclusive domain of the art community? Music, writing (i.e. blogs), fashion - success=sellout to most. Sure, the argument is made that those who are out for the almighty dollar aren’t really artists, but in a capitalist Western society, shouldn’t that be rewarded rather than derided?
I think those who complained about the dooce/blurb advertising are really jealous that they and their partners can’t make a living blogging (you are, aren’t you?). The sit in their flourescent-lit cubicle-farms, shaking their fists at the sky while uttering their daily “damn you, dooce, damn youuuuuuuu”.
Sad little monkeys. My apologies for rambling.
February 17th, 2006 at 2:46 pm
First, it didn’t come off as preachy at all.
Second, this reminds me of a thought I’ve been trying to articulate for a while: If you hate something because it’s popular, how is that different from liking something because it’s popular? And yet “cool” people label those people sheep, followers, etc.? Why is that?
February 17th, 2006 at 2:59 pm
Susie, i went to art school too. i think it’s part of the curriculum. “Look, i’m not conforming just like all these other people and now we kinda look alike…” by not conforming, they conform. That and a box of black hair dye will getcha right!
February 17th, 2006 at 3:02 pm
Jon you are preaching to the choir!(in a good way not in a preachy way.)
My boyfriend is a dj at a popular “alternative” club which is disliked by the “indie” kids because it is popular yet it plays indie music BUT only mainstream indie hits because the crowd that goes to the club will stop dancing if they dont know what the song is.
Good music is good music and isnt that what we should care about?
Great post!
February 17th, 2006 at 4:06 pm
My Grandfather used to say that there was a trick to knowing the right decision in almost every situation. If you have a choice between option “A” and option “B” - the right choice was whichever one was more difficult.
Being a small minded nit-picker is an easy choice. Developing one’s own opinion on something for original reasons, THAT takes the much tougher road.
Reading your & Heather’s sites everyday makes me very happy to have “such nice on-line friends”! I can’t tell you how happy I am that Chuck’s walkabout turned out ok.
February 17th, 2006 at 4:30 pm
You sound like you found what’s important in life. I found this excerpt from a great book I have: “Jesus, Life Coach : Learn from the Best.” It states:
My friend Joe shared a poignant story with me recently. His best friendís wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a short time to live. Joe said he watched in awe as Dan and his wife, Christine, began to live each day with tremendous clarity and love. When it was nearly the end Joe finally got up the courage to ask Christine the question: ìWhat does it feel like to live each day knowing you are dying?î She raised herself up on one arm, and then asked him, ìJoe, what does it feel like to live each day pretending that you are not?î
Not a day goes by now that I look at all that I do and see what a waste I have made of time and effort that was spent on areas of my life when there are so many better things to spend my time on. My son for instance, Just like Leta for you, he is my life. I just can’t believe some of the things I have put before him and my wife without realizing that I have been pretending all this time that I could somehow get that time back.
Find out what is important to you, those things you can’t live without and spent your time there.
Great article. I believe its not just about music, but life in general.
February 17th, 2006 at 4:46 pm
Great post, and I liked your comment at the end about your past smallness.
Jealousy and envy are problems that we all face, some people buy into it without a fight, while others recognize it for what it is, and try to avoid it, try to shut it off. Nobody’s perfect, but I think the latter sort lead a happier existence.
I think there are few people who can disconnect themselves completely. I mean, we’re only human. It’s only natural for us to feel this way, to want those things we don’t have, to want to deny that same thing to others that are lucky/skilled enough to have them.
It’s a depressing state of affairs, but there is hope.
Anyway, I think I’m going to go surf some porn now.
February 17th, 2006 at 5:15 pm
Gosh, I don’t think I’ve ever posted a comment here (or at dooce) before, though I’ve definitely sent e-mails of encouragement and admiration to Heather when she’s been swamped by negative trolls…
Anyway, I just wanted to say how great I think you both are and how much I enjoy reading your blogs (started at dooce because I’m a Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker, but I’m reading the blurb more and more). And every time you guys have some kind of success related to your blogs, I’m out here cheering for you, guess I should do it more vocally… I think you deserve to be rewarded for what you do. I don’t thinking staying small is important, especially if “staying small” = “not being able to pay the bills” and so on.
My husband was able to freelance from home for a period when our oldest rugrat was a toddler, and it was really great for all of us. When Jon quit his job and y’all moved into your current phase, I was really happy for you, having experienced something similar.
Anyway, thanks for the deep thoughts, glad you had a good time in Amsterdam, glad Chuck was found (but sorry about the stress during his little adventure).
February 17th, 2006 at 6:00 pm
I think this anti-mainstream born out the massive establishment push we suffered in the 80s. Everything was molded and mainstreamed in an Olive Garden/Clear Channel way. The indie push was originally towards genuine originality. The problem appeared when the mainstream got on the bandwagon. The same mainstream, who was never taught to think creatively for themselves and so lacking any real personal taste, drove the charge to small is then new mainstream. Our generation embraced the small is real mentality and actually developed our own personal taste, but we are still afraid to admit that we like Kelly Clarkson.
The important thing is that we learn to have our own taste and that artists are able to make art for art sake not because it is what the kids like.
February 17th, 2006 at 7:09 pm
I didn’t know about either of you ‘back when.’ I found both sites, Dooce and Blurbomat, because you’re both really popular, and doggoneit, people like you.
All I can say is you and Heather are my morning cup of coffee, and I’ll always keep coming back for more.
Don’t just go big. Go huge. Make it. Just keep writing.
Every day more and more of us are coming to you for daily goodness. And for every hater out there, there are ten more of us (who thoroughly enjoy your work) shoving them off the swingset and taking their place.
February 17th, 2006 at 7:24 pm
Hi Jon! I don’t generally blog drunk but I did happen to have a few drinks tonight and so I hope this comment will be reasonably lucid. If not, please forgive me. Also, forgive me for not reading through the mess o’ comments above as no doubt someone has made this point before.
I think there is a sort of inchoate but moderately reliable purpose in distrusting the big, the successful, the bright, the shiny, the commercial, the flashy and appealing. I think when you were mistrusting the band who got the big gigs there was something you were on to, at least when it comes to art. First, art that is hard and challenging or a threat to our comfort and or the powers that be is often not popular. This doesn’t mean that the converse is true: That popular art is automatically soft, vapid and superficial. There’s often something meaningful or universal in things that become popular. It’s not like the Beatles sucked. At the same time, I think the stance of suspicion towards things that are easy and make you feel good might be a useful one, in many ways. There’s too much being given to us–our entertainment– to quell our anxieties, our questioning. That’s what you reject when you are young. I think you should. Then you get tired and it’s fast and it tastes good and fuck it.
I’ve noticed after fame lots of greats start to coast. That’s another phenomenon but I won’t bore you about that.
When you are talking about blogs, I don’t quite no what to say. You and Heather both have a gift for writing on the internet, and all that entails. Which is no small potatoes. I’d resist any assumption that popular=simple, superficial when it comes to you guys. But I’ll be happy to see you use your powers for good. I really think you will and I’ll enjoy watching your meteoric rise and reading what you guys produce. And I’ll also take a second look at the bizarre, freaky, complex and challenging things that sit around in the dark corners waiting to be discovered. And I hope you will also.
February 17th, 2006 at 7:33 pm
I find more and more my CD’s have “Greatest Hits” somewhere in the title but I recently found a source for learning about new bands. The “Pockit Rockit Music Finder 2.0″ is a book that’s a who’s who guide to music. It’s organized alphabetically by “core artists.” So, for instance, if you like Coldplay, look under that band name and you’ll find lesser-known groups that might appeal to you. You can pick it up at Tower records or at pockitrockit.com.
My brother was an A&R guy for Virgin and the cold reality is most of the songs played are played because the producers pay the radio stations to play them. Over and over. The more a song is played the more popular people “think” it is and the more familar it gets. Sadly that’s the reality of the music business. It’s primarily smoke and mirrors and “payola.”