Worst Case Scenario
April 18th, 2006Nope. I’m not talking about the White House.
I’m talking about our house.
I had a root canal scheduled for today, but the dentist took some more x-rays and decided to let me try to medicate for a bit to be certain. Because the crown that he just put in on the tooth that might need the root canal may only need a few more days of anti-inflammatories to calm down. But the crown and the resulting stories from the pain are for another day.
What we are going to talk about today is shit. Or the line that the shit travels in when it’s supposed to leave your house. Doctors call it the sewer line. Ours is jacked about sixty ways to your favorite deity (or non-deity).
Here’s the timeline:
Tuesday of last week: We take DORJ! to the airport last week and the next day I notice some weird debris in the shower. At first I just thought it might have been DORJ!-related, but upon closer inspection of the basement area, realize that it’s not DORJ! related in the least. It’s a drain problem. I figure, hey, maybe it’s the wet spring. Maybe it’s just that the city drains are overwhelmed. Sure. That’s what it is. It’s not my problem.
Friday of last week: Leta goes to visit Grandmommy while Heather and I clean up the basement in preparation for a minor facelift we’ve been planning for a couple of years. New carpet, some tile, maybe a new vanity in the basement bathroom… maybe some new tile in the shower… Nothing too crazy, but enough to make us feel like the basement is ours again after the tumultuous teen years of our former Congressman dog turned goth. We get it done and I’m feeling like a million dollars. Except for the crowned tooth. That is kicking my ass. I’m barely able to stand it. Heather tells me I need an attitude adjustment. I agree and apologize. We have a visit from a landscaping dude to estimate what it’s going to take to de-ghettofy our front yard, which is an embarrassment to both Heather and I.
Weekend: I’m in tooth-related pain most of the weekend. Heather loans me some Neurontin. Just a half-dosage knocks me so hard on my ass that I’m pretty much useless until Easter Sunday night when I finally mow the lawn, because anything I can do to help the yard will be appreciated. The Easter Bunny is very pro-lawn care. There is an egg dye issue with Leta’s pants.
Monday: Snow storm. Disgusting. Heather and I are working in the newly clean basement when we hear this crazy gurgle coming from the shower drain. I immediately go and flush the toilet to make sure the drains are clean. It won’t drain. I plunge it. I hear noises in the shower drain and sink. Shit. Shit.
Shit.
I then decide to call the city. Maybe it really is the wet spring. They send out a sewer guy. He’s here in fifteen minutes. Broadband providers could learn a few things about service from the sewer people. Easy. It’s a related industry.
Today: Feeling a little better. Weather breaking a bit. Leta’s being really awesome and funny and jokey and starting to draw 6’s. With gusto. The day unravels when I notice that the toilet in the basement won’t drain after I flush it. It wasn’t even poop. I promise. Same gurgly noise. Same terror-stricken red flags popping up in my head. Trying not to think about root canal scheduled for 4:00 pm.
3:12 pm: Call one rooter service. They won’t quote a price on clearing the drain. Schedule them post-root canal. Decide to get opinion of plumber that helped us with the kitchen. Call. He doesn’t do rooting of any kind. But he has a guy.
3:16 pm: Call the guy. He says he can be out in about twenty minutes. He also gives me a basic quote and tells me that 90% of jobs are done in an hour or less. And that 80% of his business is in the older parts of town. Where we live. I have a twinge at this point. Kind of like a character in The Shining.
3:39 pm: Dude arrives. Gives me the lowdown. Tells me it might be roots. Before I moved to San Francisco in 1998, I rented a duplex in an older part of town that had to be cabled, so I know what that’s about.
3:53 pm: I’m in the car trying to make my dentists appointment on time. Not gonna happen.
4:12 pm: Arrive at dentist. Wait a few minutes, consult. Put on iPod to drown out the anxiety and noise. Turn it back down 28 seconds later to talk to the dentist. Walk out root canal-free with a couple of prescriptions for an anti-inflammatory and a decongestant. Sweet.
4:40 pm: Call Heather to let her know I’m going to try to fill the prescriptions before I come home. She mentions that the guy might have to work overtime/call in reinforcements. Since it’s only been an hour, I’m not too worried. I tell her I’ll be home in a bit.
4:58 pm: Realize I’ve forgotten my wallet as i walk into the store. I left it home. Before I left for the dentist. Brain power, people. BRAIN power.
5:03 pm: Ask the pharmacist to quote me on the meds, even though I’ve forgotten my wallet. Not too bad.
5:16 pm: Arrive home. Greeted with nasty sewage smell. Go downstairs and see some nasty… stuff. Not shit, actually, just bad things coming out of the drain. Dude is telling me it’s going to take awhile. He hasn’t seen it this bad in a few jobs.
5:35 pm: Fill prescriptions.
5:54 pm: Arrive home, check in with the guy. Not looking good.
6:00 pm - 7:43 pm: Chaos. Dinner, friends stopping in, girls screaming, heavy machinery operating in basement. Leta goes to bed without a bath.
7:58 pm: Reinforcements arrive. Dude has a trailer with a lot of hose. Hose not initially used. Just this crazy attachment called “The Whip”.
8:32 pm: They ran the cable, with The Whip, to the street. Still no drain action. Time for the hose. It’s referred to as jetting it out. One guy on roof, one guy running the pump, me monitoring the basement. I’m watching the shower drain and toilet to make sure it doesn’t flood.
It floods. A little bit.
Diagnosis: There is a huge fan somewhere between our house and the street. The sewer line has likely “bellied”. In probably several places. Which is why the cable and Whip could get to the street, but the water wouldn’t drain. And the several thousand PSI water line that couldn’t clear the drains.
They have to come back tomorrow and dig. Both the guys were very somber when they told us we were looking at a worse case scenario.
Here’s what our downstairs bathroom looks like:
WARNING GRAPHIC IMAGES OF SHIT-LIKE SUBSTANCE (Heather wants everyone to know that it’s not actually what it looks like or what you think it is. It’s sludge… soil and debris. Dirt from the damaged line. Honest.). DO NOT CLICK LINKS IF YOU ARE OF WEAK CONSTITUTION.
It’s not going to be cheap.
UPDATE: Heather is crying. o
April 19th, 2006 at 8:24 am
damn the plumbing woes! damn them. i’m sorry- just think, it will be all better soon.
April 19th, 2006 at 8:47 am
Dude… sorry for you guys. That sucks.
We have no choice but to begin bathroom renos at home here and I’m not looking forwrad to it. Old house and I am really sure it’s not going to be pretty. Oh well.
TK
April 19th, 2006 at 8:55 am
Sunday, Memorial Day weekend, 2005. The tub is draining kind of slow. Then the bathroom sink starts to back up.
We call RotoRooter (because we’d had success with them in the past).
They come out. “Yep, it needs to be rodded out.”
They start to rod. The water starts to flow like … er … water. Husband hears a “whooshing” sound in the basement, goes to investigate.
RotoRooter rodded out not the tub, but a hole through the tub’s drain pipe and into our basement. Tub, which had been about half-full or murky, sludge filled water before the rodding, dumps all of its contents into our family room. Some items were salvageable, but many books, papers, mementos were lost.
A new plumber is called. He comes out and surveys the damage of the previous guy. Notices that to replace the part that’s been rodded through, he has to cut through and move some HVAC ductwork. But he doesn’t have the tools for that.
Yet another guy comes out. He moves what needs to be moved, the other plumber replaces the broken pipe.
Yet Another Guy (I think this is what, 4, 5 guys now?) comes out to finish what RotoRooter started … rodding out the tub.
Husband and I finally get to shower on Wednesday.
Dooce, Blurb, and Lovely Leta Meter Maid, I feel your pain. I feel your smelly, wet pain, and I will light a candle for you and your plumbing.
April 19th, 2006 at 8:59 am
Oh god, this brings back flashbacks from my basement flooding nightmare. When I was in law school I lived in this townhouse where the basement would always flood during heavy rainstorms. During one of these (where it rained nonstop for literally 4 days), our sewer pipe flooded into our basement.
I’m still not quite sure how this happened, but somehow because of the rain the sewer pipe leading away from our house had begun to drain into our basement. It was about 3 inches deep on the floor. (gah) I won’t even describe the smell but it was raw sewage so I’m sure you can imagine. We had to live in the local holiday inn for a week while they cleaned up the mess and wet-vaced the basement. Everytime it rained hard after that there was always some kind of funky smell coming out of the basement.
I feel your pain man. I feel your pain.
April 19th, 2006 at 9:09 am
ew.
April 19th, 2006 at 9:10 am
Memories are being created in the Armstrong household, indeed!
April 19th, 2006 at 9:10 am
That hurts every man’s soul. I’ve seen a toilet look a lot worse though: a mixture of dried latex paint, crap, and some other unidentified materials all mixed together into a big stinky nasty melting pot. It took some work.
As a side note, you’re probably going to have to replace the fill valve in the downstairs toilet eventually. Those balloon’s have a tendency to break at the valve shutoff mechanism and cause the toilet to start running. And it will go forever if you don’t do something about it. Just thought I’d mention that.
April 19th, 2006 at 9:16 am
oh jeez, that completely sucks. and in so many ways. i have nothing but sympathy.
April 19th, 2006 at 9:24 am
Oh man. That is awful. I had something similar happen once, at first they told it was sewage that backed and began shooting out the drain in my bathtub/shower, but like you are explaining, they later told me it was not poop, just dirt. Thank god. Luckily for me at the time this happened I lived in apartment, which means the time to get someone out ther was bad, but in my case the Whip thing worked. No digging. Oh god. Good luck.
April 19th, 2006 at 9:32 am
Blurb,
I’m so sorry this happened. I wonder if Leta’s new ability of drawing a 6 is in preparation for her to spell out triple 6 - to describe the day you had.
My boyfriend and I had a similar day yesterday. He found out that he has to have both of his hips removed (he’s 30) and then he went home to find raw sewage in his basement. Simpatico!
I hope it gets better soon.
April 19th, 2006 at 9:34 am
I had a guy out a couple of years ago who started pulling out grocery bags full of roots from our drains. He was extremely proud of holding the record for pulling the longest root. I was totally on-board with the Root Guy because he was apparently quite good at his job and because I thought it was a hilarious feat. Long story short, he did a good job and didn’t ever have to come back. I hope your miserable situation at least provides you that satisfaction… that it wont be back anytime soon.
April 19th, 2006 at 9:40 am
Been there. Done that. Tell Heather to hang in there. The hell will be over at some point.
But since it happened, I’ve never taken a flushing toilet for granted. Always glad to see the water swirling away.
April 19th, 2006 at 9:51 am
Oh you have my sympathies. I hope it all works out ok.
April 19th, 2006 at 10:22 am
My guess is that Leta’ drew one too many 666’s and it summoned the shit(-like substance) demons. Yes, let us all blame the adorable toddler.
April 19th, 2006 at 10:28 am
oh, yes, that so sucks! We have a 110 year old house in the country - so we have OUR OWN SEPTIC SYSTEM. And just this past Saturday, the drain field started to fail. Of course my husband says it is all the fault of “my” daughter who takes 45 minute showers. But I totally agree with the person who said if you plan renovations something will happen to screw it up. We are in the middle of completely redoing the kitchen. Life just kicks my ass sometimes.
But, at least I’m not dealing with root-canals and crowns, too! I really sympathize with that - I’ve had 4 of them and they are NOT FUN.
Good luck.
April 19th, 2006 at 10:32 am
oh man. i’m so sorry, guys. we had a similar problem recently, but after snaking all seems well. still, just the snaking (which took perhaps 1/2 an hour) cost us $350.
i think you both should put up a call for donations to the Armstrong Family Pooper Fund. i’d give!
April 19th, 2006 at 11:07 am
Home ownership rocks, doesn’t it?
We have an old farmhouse with a septic tank and a well. One day bathroom utilities are not draining, so I go outside and notice a pool of water in the grass behind the bathroom. Bring out husband and point to said pool of water. “That’s not right,” I say knowingly.
“Oh, that’s just a spring,” he says heading back towards the house.
I grab him by the collar and bring him back. “We have lived here for 15 years and there has never been a spring there before. That ain’t going to wash.”
Husband grudgingly goes to rental shop to pick up roto-rooter snake which magically evaporates new “spring”.
Tell Heather to cry all she needs to. It’s a great stress reliever.
You should have seen me when I saw the house we were trying to sell right after the creek rose and flooded it– the day before we were to close with buyers. Buckets of tears, I tell ya.
April 19th, 2006 at 11:09 am
Have you looked into your Home Owner’s insurance possibly footing some of the bill?
April 19th, 2006 at 11:13 am
I forgot to add: this is why I now own a condo. No plumbing worries like what you have, no yard work to do. Much more money to spend on decorating.
April 19th, 2006 at 11:23 am
All was okay until you said Heather was crying. I have PMS and I quit smoking so I’m edgy, and that last line put me over into my own cry. (How pathetic am I?) Many sympathies to you. I hope it all gets solved very soon.
April 19th, 2006 at 11:27 am
Wow… I’m going in for a root canal today
Now i’m worried about my plumbing.. hope it’s intact when i get home.
Sorry to hear about yours.. that sucks, and it sounds like it just keeps sucking to a larger degree.
April 19th, 2006 at 11:42 am
Oh Blurb, that just sucks donkey balls. It really does. Husband and I are currently facing an atrocious bill involving our flooding basement….which has to be fixed if we ever want the inlaws to visit….then again!
April 19th, 2006 at 11:44 am
Leta drawing sixes. Heh heh heh.
April 19th, 2006 at 11:53 am
I have always been terrified of toilets. I have my theories as to why. I once saw a cartoon where some little kid flushed himself. I was probably 4 or 5. It scared the shit out of me only not literally because after that I was afraid to do number one or two on a toilet after that.
Around the same time, my parents began flushing my dead goldfish down there as well. Since I was raised catholic, I kept thinking that they stood a pretty good chance at rising from the dead right at the very moment I sat down and swimming straight up my ass.
And then there was the time I fell on some railroad ties. I landed spread-eagle right down onto the wood. I cut myself all up. The first time I peed after that, it burned so badly I screamed. I didnít pee for an insanely long time after that. My mother had to dip my feet into hot water to get it to happen.
My mom actually sought medical head help for my toilet behavior. (Oh the jokes are a freaking blast now.) Toilets scare me. I have issues.
To this day a clogged toilet, even a mere grumble from below, will send me into a neurotic, face-slapping, tongue-swallowing frenzy. Tobyjoe has to take care of anything toilet related.
If something like this happened to me, I’d gather up the cats, open the front door, exit, and torch the place.
Poopers are freaking scary.
April 19th, 2006 at 11:53 am
I can’t believe I just admitted all of that on someone else’s Web site. Perhaps it’ll cure me. Yeah.