My Lawyer Advised Me Not to Respond
May 29th, 2007Heather posted a very damaging picture of me:
dude can play a tune on Flickr (Read the comments as well)
It should be noted that this photo of me playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star was the only way to make the children stop with the monotone note playing at 350db while we were all trapped indoors, blood pouring out of every orifice as we writhed on the floor in pain and misery. Also noteworthy is the fact that the cabin contains not one, but TWO recorders. I defy anyone to survive that kind of aural onslaught, much less have the raw courage to grab a recorder from a child and play a quick tune from their toddlerhood to calm them and force them to realize that they’re never going to play the recorder with such sensitivity and passion. So I took one for the team. It should also be noted that I played drums/percussion throughout middle and high schools, negating woodwind stigma that has haunted band geeks for decades.
I wish I could say that I played recorder through about 17 guitar pedals and a Marshall stack or two while wagging my mushroom and acid addled head, but I only know the C scale due to forced recorder time in the fourth and fifth grades. Any Ian Anderson similarities ended with the final year of cursive writing indoctrination and the playing of little league football.
To those who have strange primal urges towards the image that I’ll be suing my wife for posting: I later discovered that the recorder pictured has 100k volt tazer functionality to thwart closeted art/band fag bashers. o
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May 31st, 2007 at 8:05 am
But that’s PROPER football. But there is Little League Football. Just Google it.
May 31st, 2007 at 8:23 am
Patty, I played football in a northern Utah league from 4th to 6th grades. That’s three seasons of 8 games each. We had uniforms, pads, helmets, coaches, playbooks, the works. I have no idea what you are on about unless you are from Texas.
Texas is in its own league of football.
May 31st, 2007 at 8:57 am
Last year you created the Clog Army. Perhaps you could do such a justice for the Band Fags/Geeks? I played the flute, but then I took up flags (colorguard) only to go to drama. You don’t understand emo until you have been in the high school drama and/or band…At my high school I was the only band that was cool were the bagpipers (and drummers). Maybe because everyone wanted to know what they wore under their kilts.
May 31st, 2007 at 8:58 am
I wish life had an edit button
May 31st, 2007 at 10:26 am
Yeah, we were all Drama Fags until 3 varsity cheerleaders and some senior drillteam members decided to join the department. Then we were the luckiest guys in school.
May 31st, 2007 at 1:30 pm
i played the recorder, the flute, and the clarinet. and i can’t tell you how many times people say, upon learning this, “this one time at….” i can’t even say the whole thing without wanting to retch.
June 1st, 2007 at 7:34 am
I think it’s hot.
June 2nd, 2007 at 11:16 am
The recorder is bush league. You don’t think you know real pain until you’re the kid that played bass clarinet for 2 years in middle school.
I think we can agree that there is nothing sexy about the clarinet (or oboe, recorder, etc), but this, the bass clarinet, looks like a special needs saxophone and, as my mother once said, sounds like a dying water buffalo. at least when I took to it. I’m not sure where she got off making that kind of comparison, seeing as we lived in CT - not exactly an abundance of water buffalo roaming around, but my gut says she was probably right.
June 11th, 2007 at 9:54 am
I got a feva. And the only cure… is more recorder.
June 12th, 2007 at 10:41 am
Offer no apologies, Dr. Blurb. I am 34 and can still play a mean Chariots of Fire on the recorder! Kick it old skool.