With Some Difficulty
October 18th, 2007Heather’s written about her miscarriage here. I’d say “our” but I’m not the one going through the physical part and it seems a bit of a sham to call it like that. Still, I’m very upset and it’s been a difficult week for us. I’ve tried to be positive and logical.
As a nerd note, if the above link doesn’t work or dooce is down, we’re on it. If dooce is down, it’s very likely this site will be down also, so please bear with us. We’ll be upgrading the server tonight, so things should go a little better tomorrow and hopefully we can open up comments on dooce.
Heather really wanted to share this experience, as we’ve discovered that this happens far more than is made public. Family and friends have shared their experiences and in doing so helped us understand that miscarriage is far more common than either of us realized.
I’ll leave comments open here for as long as I can, but they may be turned off immediately if the server is still getting throttled.
Thank you all so much for your kindness. It means the world. o
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October 18th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Jon and Heather,
I hope you know by now that Donna and I would do anything we can to help. Just let us know. We’re thinking about you guys a lot right now.
October 18th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
I’m so very sorry for you both.
Thinking of you.
October 18th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
I feel for both of you. We’ve been there too and so have our friends/neighbors. There’s not a lot that can be said to make it any better.
So just know that others have made it through and you two can also.
October 18th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Sorry to hear this, we’ve been there before as well, and no matter what the logical reasons are for it, it is still very tough. Things will get better though.
October 18th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
My heart goes out to you and Heather. Hopefully all the positive energy from those who love and cherish your family will speed the mourning/healing process and give you strength and peace.
October 18th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
I’d love to say it all happens for a reason, but in times like this, it sounds so lame I can’t stand it.
It’s times like this that show us our partners and what we are all capable of handling. It sucks and I’m really sorry man. Just keep supporting each other and give that kid a squeeze to remember what life is all about.
Her pink shoes
October 18th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
I am sorry to hear about your loss. *Sending good Karma and hugs*
-Mel
October 18th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
I’m so sorry, for both of you.
Take time to heal… I’m thinking of you guys.
October 18th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
Being common doesn’t make it any less painful. I’m sorry for you guys.
October 18th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
thanks for talking about this publicly. it feels very brave. you are right that miscarriage is often kept a big dark secret and it shouldn’t be that way.
October 18th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
I am so very sorry for your loss. The same thing happened to me…twice. I know how devastating it is. It does happen more often than anyone realizes - but, many/most go on to future healthy pregnancies. Hope and
Hang in there.
October 18th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Heather and Jon
I am so sorry this happened, I cannot imagine the pain. Sending thoughts of encouragement as you grieve your loss.
MH
October 18th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Being common doesn’t make it any less painful. I’m sorry for the loss.
October 18th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Jon and Heather,
This is heartbreaking news. I can’t imagine what you both are going through (getting pregnant was tough for my wife and I, every oncoming period for two or three years feeling like a funeral — we had to use IVF, eventually — but it worked out in the end, so I don’t have any basis for comparison).
My thoughts are with you both.
~Chris
October 18th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
I know neither of you know me but of course I feel like I know you, and so today I have been very sad thinking of what you are going through. I can’t imagine what the pain must feel like.
October 18th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
I’m very sorry for your loss. Hang in there.
October 18th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
Jon and Heather, I’m really sorry to hear about this. My wife and I know from experience what you are feeling. This will take time to heal and I just hope you will have the power to go on, so I wish you all the strength.
October 18th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
I am really sorry you had to go through this. Although it’s heather who goes through this phisically, emotionally, this is your miscarriage too.
I had one too, similar to heather’s but at 12 wekks. This is very common. In my group of Moms, 3 Moms have lost pregnancies at early stage since august. I think the statistics are one in every 4 pregnancies ends up in miscarriage.
Take care of each other.
October 18th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
I’m sorry. I sent heather a story via email before I saw that you opened comments. I hope she gets to read it. I would post it here as well, but it’s entirely too personal and it’s not my story to tell.
I am very sorry for your loss. Pour yourself a good glass of bourbon and give each other hugs.
October 18th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
It’s the saddest, most disappointing experience when all you want is to be a parent. It’s important to move on from it, but it’s important to remember it, too. Stay close to each other - it’ll make all the difference.
October 18th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
I’m sorry for your loss. Your family is in my thoughts. Take care of yourselves.
October 18th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
take care guys, my thoughts/prayers are with you..
October 18th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
I sent Heather an email but I’m sure she is being deluged with them. Basically I said that my thoughts are with you both. A friend of mine miscarried this summer, but as so many others have said, just because it’s common doesn’t make it any easier to go through. Hugs to you all.
October 18th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
Much love and metta to you both.
October 18th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
my heart just broke into a million pieces and have been worried since heather’s post earlier this week.
take all the time you need for this, and i know Leta will have a little brother or sister before too long
hugs from australia