I am Married to an Ox
November 5th, 2007Me: “You need to put some more liquid in that smoothy smoothie mix. Can you smell the blender? It’s too thick for the blades to move.”
Her: “Shut up. I make these all the time. You don’t know what you’re doing.”
Me: “All I’m saying is that you need more liquid in there.”
[takes a spoon and scoops a healthy dollop, holding it up]
“Look, it’s too thick. You’re going to burn out the motor. It smells like slot cars in here.”
Her: “Slot cars? What the hell is that?”
Me: …
Her: “I know what I’m doing. Leave.”
Me: “Do you have a contingency plan for what you’ll do when the blender is on fire?”
Her: [rolls eyes]
Me: “Come get me calmly when it blows up.” [leaves kitchen]
Time passes. Cursing from kitchen. Smells of burning make their way through the house. More cursing. Back door opens and closes. I am silent.
Her: “Hey the smoothies are ready.”
Me: “Ok, be right there.” [enters kitchen to find blender is gone]
“Where’s the blender? What happened? It smells like ass in here.”
Her: “Whut?”
“…”
Me: “Where did you put the blender? Is it close to anything flammable?”
Her: “…” [blinks repeatedly]
Me: “You are more stubborn than an ox. A Mormon pioneer ox.”
* * *
This morning I find this out back:
click image to see larger version
She’s holding her ground despite being wrong. I can fix some things, but I can’t fix stubborn. o
November 5th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
You are CRACKIN’ me up….
November 5th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
So who gets the new blender for Christmas?
November 5th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Haha I love when people act like this. I do this sometimes and feel stupid while doing it but have already taken my position and to budge would be treason. Reminds me of the scene in Running With Scissors when the two kids bust up the ceiling and the house owners response is “I think it brings a much needed sense of humor to the kitchen”. Non sequiturs should beget non sequiturs; its like fighting fire with fire.
November 5th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
That was awesome. I too am married….
November 5th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
http://digg.com/celebrity/I_am_Married_to_an_Ox/blog
November 5th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
I love the “whut?” haha. Also the blenders many different ways to mush stuff….it can Liquify! And Grind! Most just say 1 to 5.
November 5th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
if that’s not love i don’t know what it.
November 5th, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Seriously…how long have you been married?
Really. Please believe me…they are right…they are always right. Even when they are wrong…there right. Just smile and tell her how good the smoothie was.
And look at the bright side…Waring make a stainless steel blender. The Waring Commercial Extreme!!! The only thing possibly better than buying one is having your wife provide you the excuse to go buy one. Well maybe if Apple made the iBlender…that might be better.
Seriously the Waring will liquefy a roll of pennies. Sure it’s a car payment. Maybe then she will listen.
November 5th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
I learned they are right way before the ceremony. Enjoy your blender shopping!
November 5th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
sorry bad link before:
http://digg.com/celebrity/I_am_Married_to_an_Ox
November 5th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
I think it’s the “it smells like slot cars in here” line that seals the deal on this one.
November 5th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Sounds like you need to get one of these puppies (designed in Orem, UT).
http://www.willitblend.com/
November 5th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
I second willitblend dot com.
I’ve had the analogous conversation regarding the garbage disposal. The slot cars comment is great especially considering I’m sure she had no clue what you meant.
Although, word of warning, never ever ever again refer to you wife with the word “ox” in the statement. You are lucky to be alive right now.
November 5th, 2007 at 2:34 pm
So she’s wanted a reason to get a high quality blender for a while now,(I know I do)what’s the big deal? lol
November 5th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Tee Hee maybe it was a grand plan to get a super duper heavy duty blender!?
And just think what great strength of character she has to be able to argue a wrong point so voraciously!! haha
November 5th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
I am partial to the Cuisinart: http://www.cuisinart.com/catalog/product.php?product_id=2&item_id=7&cat_id=1
November 5th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
I can’t fix stubborn either….
November 5th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
OK, after 30 years of breaking blenders, I got a Waring commercial “Margarita Madness” blender. I’ll earn my 50th anniversary because of this puppy. http://www.abestkitchen.com/store/margarita-madness.html
November 5th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
This may be my favorite thing you’ve ever posted.
November 5th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Mormon Pioneer Ox… STILL LAUGHING HARD!!!
Oh and somewhat on topic, is it true that Donny and Marie Osmond are Mormon? I NEVER knew that.
love these back and forths… it’s great.. on dooce’s site..who was who? Are you the 130 iQ?
November 5th, 2007 at 5:28 pm
The problem is not the wife. The problem is the blender. An Osterizer?? Seriously? That 1970’s blender with zero horsepower? Those blenders smell like smoke if you so much as look at it wrong. You need to get a kick ass blender. Like a Blend-Tec or a Vit-a-Mix. These blenders don’t need no water to work. I have one and it does EVERYthing (expensive but so worth it). It even liquifies stubborn.
Check it: http://www.willitblend.com (Blends an iPhone!? Say it ain’t so!!)
November 5th, 2007 at 5:34 pm
Being give the option to “mince” by a kitchen utensil is truly brilliant.
November 5th, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Hmmm… I’m suspicious. That blender is neither mid-century in appearance nor modern. I think it’s 80’s housewife sensibilities were offending her taste. I say, destroyed on purpose.
November 5th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
We have that same blender. It sucks ass. Heather did you a favor. We have that exact same blender at home. I have been campaigning for a new one for a while, but Mr Frugal is rather attached to it (or rather the money we would spend on a new one). Hmmm. Maybe it should be his next birthday gift.
November 5th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
Ooops. I repeated myself. That will teach me to proofread before I post.