I am Married to an Ox
November 5th, 2007Me: “You need to put some more liquid in that smoothy smoothie mix. Can you smell the blender? It’s too thick for the blades to move.”
Her: “Shut up. I make these all the time. You don’t know what you’re doing.”
Me: “All I’m saying is that you need more liquid in there.”
[takes a spoon and scoops a healthy dollop, holding it up]
“Look, it’s too thick. You’re going to burn out the motor. It smells like slot cars in here.”
Her: “Slot cars? What the hell is that?”
Me: …
Her: “I know what I’m doing. Leave.”
Me: “Do you have a contingency plan for what you’ll do when the blender is on fire?”
Her: [rolls eyes]
Me: “Come get me calmly when it blows up.” [leaves kitchen]
Time passes. Cursing from kitchen. Smells of burning make their way through the house. More cursing. Back door opens and closes. I am silent.
Her: “Hey the smoothies are ready.”
Me: “Ok, be right there.” [enters kitchen to find blender is gone]
“Where’s the blender? What happened? It smells like ass in here.”
Her: “Whut?”
“…”
Me: “Where did you put the blender? Is it close to anything flammable?”
Her: “…” [blinks repeatedly]
Me: “You are more stubborn than an ox. A Mormon pioneer ox.”
* * *
This morning I find this out back:
click image to see larger version
She’s holding her ground despite being wrong. I can fix some things, but I can’t fix stubborn. o
-
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November 6th, 2007 at 11:09 am
One hasn’t truly lived until one’s olfactory system has been baptised with the heavenly fragrance of rabid slot car racing. If I still had my set, I’d gift it to Heather. Thanks for the morning laugh!
November 6th, 2007 at 11:22 am
Stubbornness is bi-sexual. My husband is the Mississippi River Delta Boy of stubbornness. Like Rodney Crowell says, he’d “argue with a parking brake to show ‘em who’s the boss”.
November 6th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
What’s your smoothie recipe?? Are there any blenders that don’t leave airbubbles in the smoothy? I use a cup of oj, 1 cup or so of fat free milk, 3-4 oz tofu, two scoops EAS whey protein, a nanner and a handfull of frozen blueberries. My husband doesn’t like the air bubble foam stuff that forms on top. I tell him people pay for foam at Starbucks, just drink it, already.
November 6th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Maybe I should tell him to go stand outback…
November 6th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
OMG dude! This totally cracked me up! Thanks for making my day. I now know I’m not the only stubborn female in the world.
November 6th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
I guess this is what happens when an Oster blender meets a pair of Crocs?
November 6th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
All around the U.S. people are waiting for an opportunity to use “it smells like slotcars in here”…
Myself included..
November 6th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
This is so like my husband and I… lol!
November 6th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
Stubborn nonwithstanding, “smoothy” is definitely actually “smoothie.”
November 6th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
@rachel, fixed. Unlike stubborn wife.
November 6th, 2007 at 6:36 pm
I was nearly rolling on the floor with laughter, you sir have made my night.
November 6th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
We just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary mostly due to my husband’s motto: A happy wife, is a happy life.
November 6th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Slotcars — too funny!
But which animal is the one that falls a week behind on updating his wife’s banner graphic? (And is that creature a member of the Chinese zodiac?)
Remember, this is kinder, gentler busting. Or would you prefer to be gored by mormonox pioneeriensis?
November 6th, 2007 at 10:21 pm
SMOOTHIE? Why are you people making SMOOTHIES?
Do you wear velour pantsuits too?
Fussing over SMOOTHIES? I hear the Pacer is an excellent
automobile. And that kid Rod Stewart can SING!
And how about those nifty things called Post-It Notes,
made by rocket scientists I hear.
MILKSHAKES are the ticket these days. Stick to Moose
Tracks ice cream, pour in the statins
and your marriage and your kitchen appliances
will last decades as you will both be too happy
with REAL ingredients to fuss over petty quirks.
Your blender was killed by a SMOOTHIE.
Save the blenders, make milkshakes!
November 7th, 2007 at 10:55 am
Milkshakes!? Yeah, right - for your household, I would think margaritas would be the ticket. And I vote with all those above who think you deserve a better blender.
November 8th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Slot cars! My dad owned an RC racing shop back in the 80s - and he had a HUGE slot-car track, which is no in pieces in my parents’ garage. He can’t bear to get rid of it!
I haven’t heard about one of those things in ages. GOD I loved my pink slot car, but I flipped it on every. single. turn.
November 8th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
You just called your wife an Ox on the internet!
I’m suprised you lived to post this!! LOL!
November 8th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
I recommend the Vita Mix. It’s expensive, but it has a 2Hp motor, and if you overwork it (which my husband has done a couple of times) it just shuts off until it cools off. But for the most part, it’ll puree everything, even whole apples.
November 8th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
i have the cuisinart someone suggested - it’s about to blow too. i’ve heard the vitamix is great too.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
mmmm…slot cars…the scent of the 70’s
November 8th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
People from Memphis (Bartlett) don’t say whut…..
Whut do you mean, saying that???
November 9th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
I cracked up at this post and immediately sent the link to my boyfriend, knowing full well it would cause a “who’s more stubborn” debate.
November 9th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
You are my hero. Keep fighting the good fight!
Best regards,
Croc wearer in Atlanta