Because She’s Awesome
December 13th, 2007Because I couldn’t say it on the phone | dooce®
You’ve probably already read this. If you haven’t, it is a must read if you are considering, have considered or have thought ill towards therapy and medication of mental conditions. Get help.
My wife is amazing. o
Tags: depression, dooce®, heather, mental health, therapy
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December 13th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
She is indeed.
December 13th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
Just as you continue to support Heather, my beloved has helped me through the dark more than once, and still helps me fight the grey.
You are amazing as well.
December 13th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
She really is!
Jules
December 13th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Both you and your wife are amazing.
December 13th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
Your wife IS amazing. And you yourself are amazing for being able to support her through the worst of it.
Thank you both for opening your lives to your readers. I am sure that it will give many people hope, and lead others to help.
My own amazing wife has also supported me through more than one crisis.
December 13th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
I think I’ve said it before but I think you’re as good at being supportive as my spouse. And I’m sure Heather appreciates it as much as I do.
December 13th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
Yes, she surely is… but no less amazing than you. Having slogged through the swamp of depression more times than I care to admit, I am in awe of (and in eternal gratitude to) the caring and supportive people in my life.
I often think it’s harder on our loved ones than it is on us.
December 13th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
I posted this comment at Dooce, thought I’d post it here also. BTW, Jon how is your mental health?
All these comments and I found ten that could be identified as men. Talk about striking a chord. . .
Sometimes I think there a lot of people that look for medicine to “help” because they’re to lazy to take responsibility for their lives, or maybe their attitude about life.
Why wasn’t a similar chord struck with men?
Please don’t flame me, I know how serious this subject is; I was hospitalized three times, unresponsive to medication and even went through shock therapy.
It just seems, esp. in UTAH, if you’re a woman you are almost expected to be on medication. But for men, there is still much a stigma attached. If I hadn’t received help I’m certain I would have killed myself.
But very few people know what I’ve been through, only CLOSE friends and family.
December 13th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
She, indeed, is amazing. As are you. Her actions will effect at least one person who suffers with depression…and it will pay forward from there.
December 13th, 2007 at 7:32 pm
I left a comment earlier thanking Heather, but I meant to include you as well. While I was going through the dark pits of depression Hell, my boyfriend read both of your sites, and it really helped him. He was able to support me in getting help, but stop blaming himself for not being able to “fix” me himself. The whole period of time was so hard on him, but you helped a lot. Thank you both for your candor.
December 13th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
I agree! I posted a blog linking to her article today, also. It’s an important article for EVERYONE to read.
December 13th, 2007 at 8:19 pm
Thanks to both of you. I just had a conversation with someone I (previously) really admired about my issues with anxiety and depression, and he pretty much told me I should suck it up and get off my meds.
It took me so long to accept that this was a disease I have to get help with…It’s still hard to hear that argument, the one that kept me from getting help for so many years.
Thank you both for sharing your experiences and helping a lot more than you probably realize.
December 13th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
I’m glad both you and Heather are so open about this issue. I applaud her posting, and I hope it makes a difference. As someone commented on Heather’s blog, I’m also really curious to hear about this from your side. My significant other also suffers from depression and anxiety and is on medication. Sometimes he’s ok, sometimes not. I guess you could say that he has better days than others. What do you do to help Heather when she’s having a bad day? *Can* you help? How do you remain strong for her?
December 13th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
Jon,
Speaking as they psycho in the relationship, I don’t know how you husbands deal with us, but YOU are truly amazing too and we couldn’t do it without you.
What Heather did today by posting that blog today with the broadcast power she has and the following she has, just made history. And from what I can tell from reading a very few comments, might have changed a huge amount of lives.
My husband and I are divorced now, but remain friends and have learned that we could’ve saved ourselves a divorce and more by just communicating.
Thank you both!
December 14th, 2007 at 2:13 am
mental health is just the same as you had a broken leg.
a few years i turned diabetic was put on pills but they didnt work well. i had very “dark” dreams at night and some mood swings—my Dr. put on insulin and what a difference, sure i have to “shoot up” but life is better to handle.
so—YEAH for you both
December 14th, 2007 at 8:21 am
I suffer from a form of agoraphobia, anxiety disorder, and depression. Through some really shitty times, my ex-husband either simply checked out or made things worse. Things would have been a hell of a lot easier for me had I been married to someone who was the slightest bit supportive. Having this in your day to day life had to have been rough, it speaks to your patience and committment that you chose to hang in.
Have you and Heather ever considered writing a book together on this subject or doing any public speaking?
December 14th, 2007 at 9:55 am
You both are amazing. Her post was well written and thought out. I have never seen such harmony with repliers either. Everyone seems to agree.
You get a pat on the back as well though. I only hope my other will be so understanding and committed to helping me deal with my future with mental illness. I can only imagine how hard it has been for both of you. It’s nice to see examples of people that can and do work it out.
Thanks to both of you.
December 14th, 2007 at 9:57 am
Your wife is amazing. As are you, Jon, for the support and understanding that you give her every day.
My ex-husband gave me none of that. I went through my darkest period while he and I were married. After our separation, I met a wonderful man who supports me and understands me and helps me get through the day to day. It’s always nice to have a shoulder to lean on.
December 14th, 2007 at 11:03 am
You are both amazing. Thanks for sharing your lives with us.
December 14th, 2007 at 11:12 am
so are you Jon, for sticking out ..
kudos to both of you …you and Heather rock!
(Leta and Chuck are pretty cool too :0) )
December 14th, 2007 at 11:35 am
Yay, Heather!
December 14th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
Hi Jon,
At least one of the currently 800+ commenters on Heather’s post requested that you write something about this experience from your perspective. I’m seconding that motion.
I grew up with a depressed parent (my mom) and eventually found my way to being in love with a depressed man. (We’re not together now but we’re still very close.) And it is exhausting, being that partner.
Because it’s not about us.
Except it’s hard not to feel hurt when our love is needed — so badly — but rejected. When we can’t make it better for them. When we have to watch, helpless. Or when we try to help, and still fail, and then seem to make it worse.
When we’re ducking from milk cartons.
So, yeah, I’d love to hear more about it from you. Especially now that you’re both on the other side.
:)k
December 14th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
Stephen Fry - an immensely gifted British actor who was clinically diagnosed late in life with bipolar disorder - made a gut-wrenchingly honest documentary called
“The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive.”
Link: http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2006/jul/21/mentalhealth.broadcasting
Like many other sufferers, Fry has resisted medication and bought into the temptation that Heather describes: the belief that if one takes medication, one will lose a part of oneself.
I am not listing my full name but feel compelled to mention that without the therapy I received for five years in my mid to late twenties I would very likely be dead from suicide. I didn’t understand my aggressive and exaggerated responses to normal stimuli were caused by PTSD. At the time, I didn’t even know what PTSD was. People who are perpetually exposed to violence and chaos - even with periodic lulls - are in a heightened state of awareness caused by constant adrenalin surges. These surges can actually permanently alter one’s brain chemistry. Like a soldier back from a war, I still find myself in flight or fight mode and have to work at this. I will have this all of my life. (PTSD is very difficult to treat.)
Though I probably could have used it, I didn’t go on medication. (My shrink didn’t recommend it at the time.) I have had numerous physical therapies to help me release tension and rebalance my head. Meditation and empowering exercise is a necessary staple of life. (As Heather has mentioned before though, for clinically depressed people, medication is a staple.)
Living with anxiety, depression, and irrational but visceral fear is like having a writhing python inside of your body. It’s an unbearable, intolerable, shameful - and unnecessary - mass.
December 15th, 2007 at 10:20 am
both of you are amazing. Heather’s post inspired me to tell my doctor yesterday that I have been running through the middle of my depression. the part that three years ago led me to isolating myself from my friends and family, those who cared about me the most. it was the darkest time of my life.
I am now starting back on the meds that helped me at that time, so I can be there and me again. Not this person who doesnt’ want to get out of bed in the morning.
December 15th, 2007 at 11:28 am
Heather and Jon: BEST POST EVER!
I’ve been there. That deep black horrible place. Thanks to the unwavering support of an incredible partner and modern chemistry, I am no longer a shadow - but pleasantly human again.
Jon, thank you for being such a great husband to Heather. Thank you both for being so forthcoming and brutally honest to The Internet.
The multitude of comments on both sites truly shows that as much as we may feel we are, we really are not alone (just hiding under the covers a lot of the time). Nor should we be ashamed. Yay to everyone for being brave enough to share so much of themselves.
Armstrongs, you are literally saving lives by the minute. Bless you.
December 17th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
I was moved to tears by Heather’s post. I am struggling with depression, and more recently with wicked anxiety. That post couldn’t have come at a better time, as I’ve been putting off seeking help via therapy. I feel empowered to do it now, because of Heather’s post. Thank you, to both of you for being candid about such a difficult topic.
December 17th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Dude, you are amazing for accepting her and doing everything you can to help her…that to me is the perfect marriage and I love that you both use what could potentially be a massive problem, as something that strengthens your relationship.
I am yet to find a guy that takes all my shit and accepts it and helps me, I know that he’s out there so I just keep waiting.
December 17th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
Aw, come on, Jon. That is so 2004.
I know her powers. One false step and you’re a pile of ash.
December 20th, 2007 at 7:01 pm
Hippos are amazing http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mhippo.html
December 22nd, 2007 at 7:48 am
Heather is amazing but no doubt about it too, you are also amazing.
Not to generalize, but I’m not sure many boyfriends/husbands would stick around for the roller coaster ride even though your stories show that it is clearly worth it.