Comments on: How I Do

By: Andrew

Andrew — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 04:29:40 +0000

Very nice to read and it all sounds cozy.
Were there ever times when it all felt too much? The “it’s all about me” side of the illness overwhelming?
With three young kids (2,4 and 7) and being the only source of family income, I simply cannot get enough sleep to get through the next day. I simply cannot find ‘me’ time. I simply cannot exercise and eat properly to keep myself from spirally down the same slippery pole of depression as my SO. I’ve about had enough. What does one do, as a person living with someone with depression, when this stage is reached? I’m supposed to be the rational one who has it together! I fear this quality is slipping fast.

By: Tez

Tez — Sun, 18 May 2008 18:20:17 +0000

Jon, thank you so much for this. I still have a lot to learn about myself and my girlfriend.

By: Liz

Liz — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 06:35:40 +0000

No one will ever write me but here is my take. Women even depressed women will still communicate more then men about their programs unless they are also a narcissist and or alcoholic.
To live with a man who would lay in a bed for four to six days continually only getting up to go to the bathroom and eat is not normal. They need to see it is not normal. Add to this a spouse doing this and keeps to their own room, won’t work or do anything not even on a good day. Try having it be the one who holds all the money coming in and they refuse to pay the bills, refuse to move out, refuse to get help and everything is everyone elses problem.
When their own kids will not come home even ( especially ) for a holiday because they destroy it all the time and they have no relationship at all with their spouse as if their spouse does not ecist it is time to find a court room. Imagine they are bi polar not just depressed and deal with that all month or add secret addictions to it because they refuse to take meds. This is a person you stop being compassionate for and stop listening because they don’t take anyway accept to say go away.
Health problems also build up with this man he has blood clots in one leg, sleep apnea now and diabetes and eating like a horse up in the middle of the night he has gained tons of weight so it is more like some slow suiciide but mental health and his doctor say there is nothing you can do about ths person. Divorce them, they get half of everything and a manic will blow it all in a matter of months. When they also have a family history of this and no one tells you before marrying them it is too bad you can’t sue them for lying. This is a self centered person and I feel nothing for someone who is mentally ill like this doing nothing to care about anyone but themselves.

By: junglegirl

junglegirl — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 10:22:49 +0000

Raw food diets have helped nearly everyone (very much including myself) who suffered from debilitating depression to reclaim their well-being; eliminating depression for as long as they remained on raw food. It is really a very helpful healing modality to consider.

By: Swifty

Swifty — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 07:44:06 +0000

Outstanding. My husband will appreciate reading this. Thank you for sharing, and being so open. I struggle with depression, and have for years, but didn’t realize that’s what it was. It became my normal. I’m still in the process of finding out what works for me.

Thank you again, for your candid words.

By: Emily

Emily — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 18:24:27 +0000

Thank you for this, it gave me the courage to get my husband into treatment for his illness.

By: liv

liv — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 07:30:56 +0000

i’ve read this post a number of times and keep coming back to it because i suffer from a low grade random setting in sort of depression and love more than one person who is consumed by it. reading you is like having a voice in the dark. i really appreciate your words, and the love that you have for your family amazes me. you’re a good man.

By: Mell

Mell — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 03:27:55 +0000

I knew you would understand what a day in my life was like. Unfortunately, my former spouse wasn’t as committed to being well as I was to him being well. I wish you luck. I couldn’t make it, I truly hope that you guys do.

By: LostHusband

LostHusband — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 17:13:54 +0000

At what point does the piling on of meds become counter productive? When I look back at the years before my wife started bi-polar meds, she seemed more happy and stable than she has been on meds. She doesn’t see it that way. I do. The physical side effects only seem to exacerbate her depression, resulting in an endless cycle of ups and downs. I admit that when she is on the “up” cycle, she does seem to be her best self. But the tolling effect of the inevitable “down” cycles causes me to wonder if the meds are really worth continuing in any form. Her general instability, which I attrribute to the meds, has reached the point that I am more concerned about her physical well being than her mental state. I am truly at a loss.

By: Kendra

Kendra — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 22:49:45 +0000

It is nice to know that there are guys out there willing to love someone who has depression. I started reading Dooce because I could relate to her so well with the ups and downs and hearing your side of the story really gives me faith that there are heterosexual males that understand we just want someone to listen. And you are correct in the fact that males are not the only ones who want to fix a situation. My mother tries to give me advice on how to feel “happier”. She had to learn to just listen (sometimes she still gives me advice because she is my mother and that will never stop).

I always wondered how you handled the situation and I applaud you. Both of you are very lucky to have each other.

Thank you for giving us who are still single hope.