Stress, Depression & Me
February 29th, 2008Since coming out yesterday as being on Prozac, I thought it might be good to answer a few questions that were in the comments. Before I go there, I’d like to thank you all for your support and encouragement. I’m not sure I’d be doing as well without this site and without amazing readers. Thanks so much, it means the world to me.
Another thing you should know is that I’m seeing a therapist again and it’s going well. Talk therapy is really a good part of getting better.
I’d like to mention that yesterdays post is supposed to be funny. As such, there are a lot of other things going on that I’m not going to write about publicly. It is those non-public things that are larger contributors to my state. And specifically, my response to those non-public things.
Questions:
The first was along the lines of: “So you have stress. Big deal. Everybody has stress. You are saying that stress lead to depression? Give me a break.”
I’ve done a ton of reading over the years about this both for myself and to help me understand the best I can what Heather goes through.
I’d suggest the Mayo Clinic as a great place to start:
Chronic stress: Can it cause depression? - MayoClinic.com
There are a ton of links off that page to all kinds of self assessment pages.
I’d also suggest this page, which I found through a search awhile ago:
Do You Love Someone Who Suffers From Depression?
You may not agree with everything that is said, but the part that most resonated with me:
“Sometimes the spouse of a depressed partner becomes depressed as a result of living within a “depressed lifestyle” for too long. Depression is said to be contagious and can become a shroud over the spouse or family. It’s also vital to consider that depression may not only be genetic, but it can also be taught. You heard me right. For instance, our children’s most powerful classroom is the home. Both “Nature and Nurture” contribute to depression.”
The second most common thread seemed to be a kind of “how do you get from stresses of living to depression?”
As I said above, it is in my response to situations. The other thing that I think is going on is that the continued level of stress is high and I’ve been unable to fully relax and destress. There is interesting research around stress and serotonin.
Behavior: The Neurobiology of Depression (Look down the page a bit for the subheading “Stress and Serotonin”.)
Of note:
We are not saying that stress “causes” depression in people. Rather, stress is very likely interacting with an inborn genetic predisposition, such that, in some vulnerable individuals, a stressor can precipitate a mood disorder (i.e., vulnerability + stress = depression).
“This suggests that a chronic or severe stress (e.g., loss of a spouse, serious illness or injury, history of abuse) may cause similar neurochemical changes in vulnerable people, therefore triggering episodes of depression.”
Which leads to my final response around the question that stress is causing a physical manifestation of illness, i.e., “mystery illnesses”. I believe this is the case. I believe that I’ve had this happen in the past, where I’ve been down for more than a few days and it always is due to major stresses and changes in my life. It has gotten much worse as I’ve gotten older and the stakes have gotten higher. I believe that in the summer of 2006, the lawsuit and the cost for us financially caused my two week mystery illness.
I’m doing this to help myself. If this seems maudlin or overwrought, please forgive.
If you have other questions, please feel free to ask in the comments. I’ll probably do posts answering the most common threads. o
Tags: depression, stress
-
This entry is filed under health, personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You may leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed. Please read the Terms of Service before leaving a response.
February 29th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Good on you for taking care of yourself. The only person who really knows how you feel is you - so only you are in the absolute best position to determine what helps you feel better!
You seem like a wonderful person who has been very responsible throughout a lot of difficulties. That takes its toll.
As for stress - I think it always finds a way out, no matter how much we try to suppress it and just get on with things. It waits patiently, but it always gets you in the end. I should know - I end up growing scales in times of extreme stress. Not a good look.
February 29th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Jon,
I also have had an on again off again affair with depression. I’ve got an interesting perspective being affected by it and also being a Dr (a chiropractor-make any comments felt necessary I’ve got thick skin)that treats patients on a daily basis. First and foremost is find what helps you best,if its a pill go for it. You seem like a very inetlligent well read person so I encourage you to try many things especially those outside the “traditional establishment”. What i’ve learned as a clinician is that every persons presentation is different and symptoms and chasing them leads you in the wrong direction….Find the root and you can help learn to manage things so the symptoms come less often. For me its a lot of things. Eating well (lots of veggies-look up anti inflammatory diet),cut out sugar,exercise, meditate (find alone time for you only),laugh and cry when you feel the need, get sun, and remember you and all people are flawed. Where I went to college had a philosophy “a well rounded person is sound in SPIRIT,MIND and BODY” find a way to incorporate that in your life with all the demands you’ve chosen to put on yourself. And oh yeah smile there are already too many grumpy people. Please feel free to contact me if necessary.
John
February 29th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Yep to comment # 9. No truer words than “I’ve come to realize that there is no such thing as “normal” and we all have to do what works for us to cope with the life we’re dealt.” have been written. Take care of you and your family. No one in this world knows how to do that better than YOU.
Thanks for being who you are and sharing with your readers the way you do.
February 29th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Good on ya, Jon. Be well.
February 29th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Jon–
Again, I think you totally rock. Having intimate knowledge of depression and living with a depressed partner, I know what’s up. Take care of yourself–you must.
February 29th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
i would love if you could explain how therapy is going well. I just started it and it is just so painful. I think my last session was the best and I cried the whole hour home and just felt suicidal until I went out on a date…so it kinda really sucks that that is a good session.
February 29th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
great informative links, thanks!
i think you’re right on the right path
good luck!
February 29th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
You inspire me.
February 29th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
We do what works. We do what we know how to do. Now.
Perhaps it’s medicine. Perhaps it’s exercise. Perhaps it’s prayer. Perhaps it’s burying our head in someone’s lap and crying for hours.
I don’t get people who judge and condemn others for doing what they need to do to get by. Life is hard. What looks like nothing from the observer can be an unbearable hell to the person going through it. The exact opposite it true, too.
Anyone who can’t simply say, “Good for you, do what you need to do,” is simply frightened by their own stuff. And watching someone confront their shit, when you’re hiding from yours is threatening. Perhaps some will become unthreatened and welcome the opportunity to look more critically at their own reflections.
February 29th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Jon,
I think being aware of yourself and the things that you are experiencing in your life (emotionally and physically) is a very difficult and incredibly powerful tool. It strikes me that you have both the awareness *and* the desire to make positive changes in your life.
I admire you openness and candid approach to life.
Pat yourself on the back for having the courage to face your own personal demons. I wish you the best in embracing them, and the strength to continue putting one foot in front of the other.
“The journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step.”
Be well.
Lisa
February 29th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
I’m so happy for you that you’re taking care of yourself. I just have one question, that may have already been asked but I haven’t read every comment - has the medicine helped?
I’ve actually been in counseling for a few months, and medication has been suggested but I pushed back, mostly because I was afraid that either a) it wouldn’t help, or b) the side effects would not be worth any benefit. So I just wondered, if you’re willing to share, if the medicine has helped you.
Thanks for sharing things like this, I know it’s personal and hard, but it helps others who may be in similar situations to see good things can happen
February 29th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I just wanted to be clear - I don’t think anyone really harshly judged Jon for admitting he was going on Prozac. I think most people just wondered why stress = depression. Because while Blurb and Dooce have done a lot for those people that ARE depressed and CAN Relate, they do have readers that CANT and are CURIOUS - Not Judgemental.
Reading both Heather and Jon - they wouldn’t have posted it if they didnt’ 1) realize it was going to cause some debate and 2) they didnt want to talk about it.
February 29th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Jon - Thanks so much for sharing. It is all such an interesting topic to me. I haven’t had a chance to read everyone’s comments, so I’m not sure if someone already touched on this…
I’m not by any means anti-drug. I understand they help people and change lives dramatically (for the better!) But I’ve always wondered about their long term affect on our society. What I mean is, with the increase in drug-focused “fixes” to things like depression, are we losing our ability to cope? What did people do “pre-Prozac”? Were we, as a people, more miserable? Higher suicide rates? Or did we have a stronger coping response? I have read Heather’s posts about the same topic, and understand completely that drugs help. I’m just really truly interested in your opinion on those questions.
Thanks again for opening up, it has really created an interesting topic for discussion.
February 29th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Your candor is reasonable, not overboard with the melodrama. Your modesty and sense of humor balance so well, both of you. Thank you for the research links, and know that, as much as this is a part of your healing, your and Heather’s writing is a part of mine.
Carry on!
February 29th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
stress affects mood. its obvious to any of us with mood disorders. great posting.
February 29th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Great post. Thanks for the poop on depression etc. And again if you can’t laugh at yourself about all of this, you would even more stressed and even more depressed. I think your post yesterday, creatively spoke volumes to many of us. Making us laugh, think, question and commiserate because I believe the people who read your blog genuinely care about what youihave to say and how you see your world (a good reason for some of us to goof off at work!).
A lot of people think that men don’t get depressed. I think that may makes it even harder for men to come out from under the big blanket of misconception.
Some days are good……some other not so good. We all have our blessings…..it’s very clear you and Heather are committed to your growing relationship and family. That’s damn good stuff!
It’s nice not to be alone…….
February 29th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
No questions from me about this; it’s personal and your sharing is good, to whatever extent you choose to share.
I did want to ask you to elaborate (in a future post) on something you mentioned earlier. You said that you got very stressed out before vacation and were a bit unlikeable, and that your dad did the same thing before family vacations when you were a kid. My family was the same way, and I struggle with it myself. It helps me in my relationship with my Dad now, because I can relate to the self-loathing that follows those little outbursts. Thankfully, I’m a woman so it’s easier for me to say “I’m sorry, I hate it when I do that” and move on, and I’m married to a man who makes it easier on me and has heard my self-analysis enough to know what’s going on, whereas my mother inadvertently made the situation worse. Self-awareness usually eventually makes the problem better because it’s less and less frequent…but living with self-aware people can be a trial….
A tangent from your post, I suppose…the connection is in the stress-focus.
February 29th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Jon,
Don’t let any of these guys get you down. It’s obvious by reading the comments that you have a ton of support from people you don’t even know, but unfortunately anonymity can bring out the worst in some people.
Focus on the positive folks and ignore the negative folks. That in itself should help brighten up your mood, which in turn might be a small step in making your happier and healthier.
February 29th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Good for you. Do what you need to do, and never feel the need to justify that to the internet. Thank you for your continuous openness about this subject. It’s unfortunate that people still don’t understand depression, or the effects it can have on all those around you.
February 29th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
The stigma attached to depression is getting old. Can you imagine a world where people thought if you had cancer you should just be able to “get over it”? It’s absurd! Depression just plain sucks and can bury you. For me, taking that little pill everyday is what helps me to lead a quality life and to be able to be there 100% for my husband and daughter. (I think I could probably use a little therapy on the side too.) Kudos to you for taking care of yourself! You will be amazed at how much better you will start feeling. Life will begin to take on new meaning.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Stress can have an awful physical manifestation. I dealt with that for years until I finally figured it out. Good for you for taking the steps to get better.
And I totally got that humor in the presentation.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Your having the courage to discuss it so honestly and openly quite likely saved someone’s life today. Imagine a world where this didn’t get swept under the rug. Thanks to you, maybe that world doesn’t have to be imaginary after all.
Thank you seems so inadequate.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
I went on a date recently with a guy… I’m very vocal about the fact that I’m on Paxil, in fact, I rave about it to anyone who’ll listen. I finally found a drug that works for me, and I feel like myself for the first time, like, ever.
So this guy that I’m on the date with says “Oh, I don’t believe in antidepressants. I tried them once when I was 14 [15 years ago!!!] and they didn’t work for me and blah blah blah suck it up I’m way above all that.”
I did not hit him in the face. I should have hit him in the face.
I wasn’t suicidal (recently) before I started taking antidepressants, but I can still say that Paxil has saved my life. No, better, it’s GIVEN me my life. I have a life now, whereas before, I was just getting by.
So fuck the naysayers. They’re assholes.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
There is nothing maudlin or overwrought about your post, and anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong and maybe evil. Do whatever you need to do and I wish you well.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Because I started with today’s post, I knew that the presentation was meant to be funny. It was and I laughed….but it’s laughter through tears. Any talk of depression hits too close to home, I guess.
Sak says it all. Please know that so many of your readers are die hard fans of you and Heather and your family. We love your successes and share the pain of your struggles.
You are a success story.