Stress, Depression & Me
February 29th, 2008Since coming out yesterday as being on Prozac, I thought it might be good to answer a few questions that were in the comments. Before I go there, I’d like to thank you all for your support and encouragement. I’m not sure I’d be doing as well without this site and without amazing readers. Thanks so much, it means the world to me.
Another thing you should know is that I’m seeing a therapist again and it’s going well. Talk therapy is really a good part of getting better.
I’d like to mention that yesterdays post is supposed to be funny. As such, there are a lot of other things going on that I’m not going to write about publicly. It is those non-public things that are larger contributors to my state. And specifically, my response to those non-public things.
Questions:
The first was along the lines of: “So you have stress. Big deal. Everybody has stress. You are saying that stress lead to depression? Give me a break.”
I’ve done a ton of reading over the years about this both for myself and to help me understand the best I can what Heather goes through.
I’d suggest the Mayo Clinic as a great place to start:
Chronic stress: Can it cause depression? - MayoClinic.com
There are a ton of links off that page to all kinds of self assessment pages.
I’d also suggest this page, which I found through a search awhile ago:
Do You Love Someone Who Suffers From Depression?
You may not agree with everything that is said, but the part that most resonated with me:
“Sometimes the spouse of a depressed partner becomes depressed as a result of living within a “depressed lifestyle” for too long. Depression is said to be contagious and can become a shroud over the spouse or family. It’s also vital to consider that depression may not only be genetic, but it can also be taught. You heard me right. For instance, our children’s most powerful classroom is the home. Both “Nature and Nurture” contribute to depression.”
The second most common thread seemed to be a kind of “how do you get from stresses of living to depression?”
As I said above, it is in my response to situations. The other thing that I think is going on is that the continued level of stress is high and I’ve been unable to fully relax and destress. There is interesting research around stress and serotonin.
Behavior: The Neurobiology of Depression (Look down the page a bit for the subheading “Stress and Serotonin”.)
Of note:
We are not saying that stress “causes” depression in people. Rather, stress is very likely interacting with an inborn genetic predisposition, such that, in some vulnerable individuals, a stressor can precipitate a mood disorder (i.e., vulnerability + stress = depression).
“This suggests that a chronic or severe stress (e.g., loss of a spouse, serious illness or injury, history of abuse) may cause similar neurochemical changes in vulnerable people, therefore triggering episodes of depression.”
Which leads to my final response around the question that stress is causing a physical manifestation of illness, i.e., “mystery illnesses”. I believe this is the case. I believe that I’ve had this happen in the past, where I’ve been down for more than a few days and it always is due to major stresses and changes in my life. It has gotten much worse as I’ve gotten older and the stakes have gotten higher. I believe that in the summer of 2006, the lawsuit and the cost for us financially caused my two week mystery illness.
I’m doing this to help myself. If this seems maudlin or overwrought, please forgive.
If you have other questions, please feel free to ask in the comments. I’ll probably do posts answering the most common threads. o
Tags: depression, stress
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February 29th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I really admire your courage in talking about it publicly. You remind me of Heather, in the best way.
Taking your own stress levels, happiness and life in your hands and having some measure of control over what you can do to help yourself is bound to be a good thing. I think it takes someone very strong indeed to admit when they need help, and to be willing to get it.
I know I’m just an internet stranger, but I read you and Heather’s websites often, and my heart goes out to you nonetheless. Hugs to you and your family.
Also… your presentation was funny indeed. In an “it’s funny cause it’s true” kind of way. Put like that though… the sheer magnitude of things that has happened in your lives in the passed few years… yeesh! Uncle already!
February 29th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
#9 really did hit the nail on the head.
February 29th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
I got that you were trying to be funny. Better put, you were funny. Some people don’t get that because they don’t have “your kind” of a sense of humor. That’s okay, I guess. I personally howled when I saw George! as a portion of a slide.
Situational depression can totally happen, and as with you, as I’ve gotten older I have more at stake and it hits home more. You just don’t bounce back as quick from things, even though you may have a better perspective on life.
So, kudos to you and your family. Hang in there, it sounds so much like you are doing exactly what’s needed to get things back where you want them to be.
February 29th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Crap Jon, I wrote you this great comment, and then hit a wrong key and lost it all. I liked your presentation. I thought it was funny.
Here are my questions;
Is the Prozac helping?
What the hell did GEORGE! do to you?
Have you considered that it is ok to come to the decision that a pet is not a good fit for the family, and it is ok, and a good choice for the pet to find the pet a new family who is more ready to handle the particular pets temperment and needs?
Have you had Coco checked for neurological problems? Problems with controlling toileting behavior are often a symptom of a neurological problem in a pet.
Have you considered “puppy prozac” for Coco?
Have you been to dog obedience classes?
February 29th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I hope you realize how much some of us appreciate you and Heather coming forward with your experiences with depression. It’s courageous. And for readers like me who suffer too, It’s unbelievably comforting to know I’m not alone.
February 29th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
hugs to all. i am currently dealing with my second bout of depression and take 50mg of zoloft (generic) per day to function normally and to not cry over silly things like what type of pizza we are going to be ordering tonight, which I was doing every third day before I started the zoloft. The decision was not taken lightly, but every day I am grateful that I talked to my doctor.
February 29th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I’m glad you’re getting help and feeling better. That’s what counts. It’s not for others to pass judgment until they’ve walked in your shoes. I really enjoy both yours and Heather’s sites. I think both of you do a great service when you talk about this and allow this kind of dialogue to happen. Thanks.
February 29th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Good for you, Jon. I had what some call “situational depression” for most of 2007, and I basically knew something was seriously wrong with me but didn’t have the knowledge of what, or how to fix it, or the courage to do so. I just don’t know anyone with depression, or at least no one who has ever shared their illness with me. I’ve read Heather’s accounts over the years, but they were just so dark and severe that I didn’t connect with it. I appreciate you sharing this. It helps everyone, even the critical MF’s who think they know everything. Eventually they will remember your story because they are living it. The Armstrong’s rule. Even Coco. That little shit.
February 29th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Echoing alot of what people said. You know how many readers Dooce touches - and now how many lives you touch - here I sit in a small town north-east of the border and I log on every day, many times a day, to see what both you of have written. You both touch many many lives with your words. I hope you realize how you enrich my life, just with your words and pictures. I think you are incredibly smart, Jon. I am SO glad that you have seen what all this stress was doing to you, and you seeked to try and make it a bit better. My BIL has bipolar dx. He has known my SIL (my husbands sister) since they were 17. They are in their 40’s .. 3 children later, and he just was dx about 5 years ago. I kept saying to my sil you have to help yourself too, all this stress and caring about him will kill you. She looks well over her age. But she is finally gaining control and is on meds. You HAVE to take care of yourself to be able to take care of the rest of your family. You are very very kind (both of you) to make this very public, because mental illness is SO prevalent, but still not widely understood unless you know someone who lives with it. I wish you and Heather nothing but peace, harmony, better vacations :0), and lots and lots of hugs coming your way because you are both totally awesome!! (btw .. ENT thinks I have had a chronic infection in my nose, perscribed antibiotic cream for now, then he described the nettie pot that you had told us about and I was proud to say yes, I HAVE heard of that .. )
February 29th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Thanks for blogging this, Jon. After battling depression for many years, I finally started on Zoloft about a month ago and the results have been a breath of fresh air. I’m much easier to be around, and my wife is very appreciative. I know the side effects can be pretty wicked, but I hope things continue to improve for you.
Fuck the nay-sayers and do what you’ve gotta do.
jason
February 29th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
I think it’s pretty impressively brave. Can I inquire as to what made you decide it was time to do it? Was there a specific point or was it just a culmination of events?
February 29th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Some diseases are “accessible” to those who don’t have them, such as asthma to someone who’s been desperately winded or near-drowned — they can imagine it and empathize. Depression is not one of these accessible conditions; people who have never had more than “the blues” often can’t fathom depression any more than a 16-year-old boy can comprehend erectile dysfunction.
The unaffected misinterpret the symptoms of depression as negative qualities (laziness or self-indulgence) and gin up disdainful responses. I don’t know which is the more objectionable, the dismissive attitude these people convey or my jealousy that they’ve been spared.
Here’s what I do know: Having climbed out of the pit often enough to feel like Spiderman, I feel a) humbled, and b) near invincible. I may be no hyper-achieving high-wire act — and don’t care to be — but I can marshal inexorable willpower and faith and sense of self. I’ve had to do so simply to get out of bed day after day until I arose from my sickbed. The unaffected cannot imagine the strength that I can now apply to my life’s goals. I can grind through mountains that would crush them.
And now, for cinema pop psychotherapy: I like the Louis Malle’s film Damage wherein La Binoche says coolly, “Damaged people are dangerous; they know they can survive.”
Here’s to damage.
February 29th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
i always applaud others for speaking out on their health and what they are doing about it. i’m on prozac as well…have been for almost two months now. i have generalized anxiety disorder. i eat right, i exercise, i see a therapist, but something extra was needed.
there’s such a negative stigma behind needing SSRI’s….not fair…
February 29th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
In my early twenties, a traumatic experience brought on anxiety attacks. I thought I was dying. I somehow managed to figure out what was wrong me on my own, and did actually “suck it up” and they eventually stopped. But now, 15 years later, I found that my husband’s impending deployment (he’s career USAF, this is not a new thing, but any mean) put me into what I’ve seen here described as “situational depression.” I recognized it for what it was, even if I didn’t know it’s name and talked to my doctor and got help. (Side note: LEXAPRO!!!! It was my miracle medication!). I didn’t understand why all of the sudden I needed it, but I sure as hell was happy that it was there when I did. Reading your posts and others’ comments, now I know what caused it and hopefully I won’t have a need for it again. But if I do, rest assured that I will start again without a moment’s hesitation or shame. In fact, like someone else mentioned, I couldn’t stop telling people what an amazing experience I had with it. And like others, I get so tired of folks saying that anti-depressants are somehow a “danger to society.” Whoever mentioned insulin nailed it–I always use blood pressure medication as my example. Why not help yourself? Why be miserable and unhappy? Why chose to go through life like that?
Thanks to honest discussions like yours, Heather’s and Dad Gone Mad’s, hopefully more people will come to understand this type of suffering IS NOT NECESSARY and will take whatever steps they need to get help.
February 29th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Hey Jon,
great post.
My comment is a repeat of (#8- Randy) in regards to SAD. Has that come up at all for you at all? I know this Utah winter is kicking everyone’s ass and I know you mentioned here somewhere that being on the beach in Ca was pretty amazing. Just wondered if you might have looked into it.
You both should be so proud of yourselves. Looking at things and taking the necessary steps to try to stay ahead of it.
February 29th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Go with the flow, do what you have to do and be happy spring is on its way.
February 29th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Everyone told me I was doing it wrong when my daughter refused to be potty trained. Even now, she’s 4 yrs old, and she’s terrified of pooping in the big potty. But we’re working on it gently. She loves wearing underpants and keeping them dry. It’s just that damn poop thing.
Everyone told me that all women freak out with a newborn and you just have to get over it. Even after weeks of not sleeping or eating, they said I need to man-up and get it done.
Everyone told me that everyone has debt and not to worry about it. It was swallowing us whole. We’re finishing up a credit consolidation program.
Everyone told me that the baby weight just falls off on it’s own and sure, some exercise would help, but chasing after a toddler will burn more calories than anything.
Everyone told me to just put the vegetables on her plate and make her starve if she didn’t eat them. (They have NO IDEA what stubborn is, btw).
So- I don’t give a flying rat’s ass what other people “think”. If they’re so fucking brilliant, tell them to get their own lives under control before they start dictating in someone else’s. And while they’re at it, where’s that damn cure for AIDS????
You have my utmost respect for seeking prof. help. Most men don’t.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
ok….so i don’t want to sound preachy (i’m a yoga teacher) but i think it would be wonderful if both of you would give yoga a shot. i too suffered from depression brought on my response to stress…(mainly returning to college in mid-20’s, working a full time job, and putting myself through full time undergraduate program all at the same time) i’m a big internalizer, bit of a martyr, big on empathy and so i tend to carry the weight of others sorrows. the yoga helped me to destress, and lay some of those burdens down. i’ve since gone through many troubling times…being laid off, losing a hugely important relationship, issues with my parents, moving far away from my friends/support, decision to quit my job and go freelance, being very poor for a while after that, a miscarriage (some of this concurrently).
my point is that with the yoga, it hasn’t spiraled out of control into a pit of despair. just try it. commit to doing at least 3 classes each…preferably 10 before you decide if it is or isn’t for you…talk to the studios and get a feel for the right style of class for you (i’d be happy to help you figure it out if you’d like). and i would recommend taking a class in a studio environment, rather than doing a dvd or something. there are clinical studies proving that yoga can increase certain neurotransmitters related to depression (GABA for example).
and the thing with yoga is that there are SO MANY different styles, that i can pretty much gurantee that whatever *idea* you have about what yoga is…you are right and you are also totally wrong. there is a yoga for everybody. plus it will help your snowboarding!
i guess i believe in a multi-pronged approach to healing…a cocktail if you will :).
you are much loved by this little cyber-community you two have created, and i think we would all do anything we could to help you feel better.
February 29th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
As the daughter of a woman w/bipolar, these things are not only VERY difficult to “tease out” and tackle through the years, but van deeply a/effect family dynamics in a myriad of ways. It is BEYOND commendable that you are both not only talking about this publicly, but talking about it and dealing with this together. I can promise you, that the united front you are building now, will only enhance the loving environment in which you are raising your wildly adorable daughter (and puppies!)
You two are the highlight of my every day (true story) and I fully support your freedom to make whatever choice works for your life!!
xoxox,
S
February 29th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
I battled anxiety and depression for many years. Many people don’t understand that anxiety and depression are closely linked, especially when sleep deprivation comes into play. One of the ways your body makes more serotonin is by sleeping. Often when you’re stressed, you don’t sleep. If you can’t make more serotonin, it’s bad news. This might not be what you’re going through, Jon, but it explains the connection for some people.
I’m proud of you for sharing this with everyone.
I also laughed at parts of the presentation, particularly the mention of George!
February 29th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
I hate that you’re going through a tough time but good on you for being so open about it. Stress and depression can wreak havoc on your physical well-being. I know - I experienced it first hand. I wonder where my experiences would rank on your presentation - divorce, moving, losing my job and not having any family closer than 900 miles to help me through it. Oh yeah, all of that happened within a few weeks of one another.
People are quick to discount the mind body connection but as you know, it is quite real. I had insomnia, joint pain, migraines, my hair was turning grey - and I was just 34 years old. I felt like I was 80. But enough about me. The point I am trying to make is that you have to take care of yourself the best way you can even if it involves taking Prozac.
February 29th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Thank you so much for writing this. I’m going through something similar and only a few understand. All the best!
February 29th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
I would like to second the questions about SAD and the questions on #54… especially about Coco.
It’s interesting, I grew up in a “pick yourself up by the bootstraps and move on” type of family, and that’s what I do. But when I read that link about “the wife doing 80% of the work” it really rang true for me… and now I’m wondering… is my husband depressed? He has been diagnosed with low testosterone… and takes medication for that. But I’m the one who works full time. I cook, I clean, I pay every bill. He stays at home with our son (a big job, I realize) and plays video games. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to pieces, but now this has me wondering. He really has a hard time being motivated to do much. Could he be depressed? He’d never admit to being depressed… but… hm… ???
February 29th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
How does Heather feel about this? I hope she doesn’t feel guilty for “bringing you down”. I’m sure you don’t feel like this is because of her. You guys are so great together! So sorry either one of you have to go through rough times.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Good for you for taking some action. That’s why tons of people don’t get help is because they get stopped by something and continue to beat their head against a wall instead of trying something new. (I know this from experience.)
You could also try acupuncture, it does great things for stress. I shattered my elbow 2 years ago, had 4 surgeries, a pain med addiction and stay in the local mental hospital for that, and some major depression along with it all. I honestly don’t think I’d still be alive without the acupuncture. It helps unwind the system and calm everything down a bit so the body can function like it’s supposed to. They actually ran a neuro-transmitter test on me and could clearly see why I felt like shit, and now I’m on supplements so I don’t feel so crappy anymore.