Coffee is for Closers II

It doesn’t stop.

Yesterday, I discovered that Nissan is doing a 3.9% – 4.9% financing deal. That’s 2% better than my bank. I call the dealer by my work.

“Yeah, come drive the truck. We have a ton of these on the lot.”

“Great. And you’ll do 4.9% for 60 months?”


So I go over to drive the truck. Upon arrival, I mention the sales guy by name and 3 different people tell him that he’s got a customer. I see that he’s on the phone, so I decide to walk the lot.

What greets me, like one of Ozzy Osbourne’s dogs taking a shit on an antique rug, is a sticker next to the manufacturers sticker. It says, “Dealer Markup: $5,000.”

Like every good consumer before me, I’ve done my research. I know for a fact that this is a tactic to bend over unsuspecting consumers and stick all kinds of things up their asses. I start to laugh.

I go back inside after perusing the 6 trucks they have on the lot. Now my sales guy is motionless and staring at a terminal. I decide I will stand for 30 seconds and bail if no one talks to me. 8 seconds later, a guy in a suit asks me if I need help. I say I’m here to look at a truck. He says, you need this salesguy. I say I know, I spoke with him earlier. Suit guy gets a look on his face that says my sales guy might not be employed too much longer and tells my sales guy that he needs to help me. Now.

My sales guy looks like he just woke up and threw on the Billabong oversized hoodie. He’s not dressing like the other sales people. I think it’s a move to appeal to younger buyers. It doesn’t work. We go outside and start talking about the truck. The first thing he mumbles is that he’s sorry I was kept waiting, that he forgot I was there. I don’t say anything.

Then he starts right in about financing and how all the trucks are 4.9%. I tell him I’d like to drive a truck today. He doesn’t respond to that, so I decide to ask about that $5,000 markup.

“So that’s your asking price?”


“You have to be kidding me. People pay that?”


I point to the manufacturer’s sticker and say, “We start UNDER this price and go up from there. It all depends on how much over invoice you are willing to negotiate.”

“Look, that’s our price. That’s our business.”

“And you have people paying that?”


“You have some stupid customers. I won’t be paying anything over the Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price.”

Seeing that I’m not going to roll over on him, he takes a different tack. “How much do you want your monthly payments to be?”

I’ve done my research and know that the truck he’s talking about cost $8,000 less than his asking price. I’ve seen the loan calculator and seen the various interest rates. I know right where I need to be to get the deal. I tell him. He stops cold.

“I can’t do that.”

And I can’t take two fists up my ass