Election Night – Semi-Real Time

6:51 pm MST — I have to semi-real-time blog the election results. I get permission from Heather. We’re watching CNN and MSNBC. Tivo is recording Real World and the sundry programs, some featuring what may be the final days of Ken Jennings on Jeopardy.

The early results are making us queasy. It’s not that the other guy is winning as much as it is the unknown. Unlike Clem Snide, right now we don’t love the unknown.

6:54 pm MST — God damn Robert Novac! Get his traitorous ass OFF MY SCREEN!!! Ok. Maybe that was strong. Everybody is live everywhere. It’s time for pizza.

6:56 pm MST — Panic!! Heather has to verify that Manhunt is being recorded. With a few frenzied Tivo clicks, we are back to the news. Thank God. Manhunt is important to retaining the balance required by our watching of America’s Next Top Model. Heather is now pontificating about pizza and likening it unto the nation at large. Apparently the mushrooms are skewing Democrat.

7:07 pm MST — I’m re-reading my earlier entries. Not so good. Must hold shit together. Particularly in regards to Robert Novak. I realize that I’ve mis-spelled his name. I’ve also realized after fretting about it all day, that my ballot had no hanging chads. We had butterfly ballots, but only one wing of the ballot was votable.

Bob Woodward just used the words “Valium Cooler” on CNN. I think that would be a great beverage. Why hasn’t good old American know-how pioneered a beverage combining the technology of Valium and the technology of booze?

On the other side, Bob Woodward pronounces mature “muh-toor” instead of “muh-chure”.

7:16 pm MST — After a channel change to MSNBC, Heather feels that the announcement that she is kissing the dog in support of John Kerry be made. She also mentions a threat. A threat that we’ll have to watch Manhunt tonight “in between” watching the results.

7:21 pm MST — Captain “I hate fags while I gave Richard Nixon head” Pat Buchanan is talking like he’s hopped up on meth, including the annoying diaphragm tightening nasal wheeze. Everybody is still saying it’s too close to call. I’m wondering if this house has enough legal representation to get us through the election.

8:13 pm MST — We’ve tried to avoid the returns. Jeopardy is showing a “best of” episode. Where is Ken Jennings when we need him? I’m getting a headache behind my left eye. It’s time to medicate.

8:43 pm MST — For those about to care, we salute you. Utah has been called for Bush. Chuck is not surprised. Thanks to God, Amendment 3 will pass. The Mormon church endorsed “traditional marriage” and the sheep in the flock heard the call. There was an ad here with Alan Osmond and his brood. It was horrific. Conjuring the worst dress standards and art direction, they are a ringing endorsement for bigotry and state mandated prejudice. I predict the anti-gay legislation will be overturned in 5 years. It will cost states a lot of money and God won’t care. And the world will still turn. And the terrorists won’t have won.

Heather is engrossed in Manhunt. I’m engrossed in refreshing CNN.com and a host of other sites, pushing the iBook as hard as it’s little G3 processor will go. Chuck is sleeping. I’m in denial. Manhunt is really funny.

10:34 pm MST — Florida has been called for Bush. An entire state sighs.

10:35 pm MST — Looking at the maps on various web sites, I wonder if the Republicans will carry as many Senate and House seats as they are showing. If the Republicans do carry the day, what will they do with their power? From the results I’ve seen, it’s not like 1994, when the mid-term elections swung towards the GOP. It’s not like they have a clear mandate.

It’s looking disappointing for those hopeful for change with a new President. I don’t want to give up hope, but at this point, one must ask oneself what will happen if Bush wins? Will the world end? Probably not. I can’t help but ask what if Dean had been more favored by the Democratic party?

I believe Ohio might be the trouble spot this year. Maybe.

The other thing that struck me tonight was that the youth vote wasn’t really strongly courted by an actual candidate. Not like Clinton courted it in 1992. Sure, Kerry went on The Daily Show, but watching Drew Barrymore’s documentary for MTV was pretty brutal. Wes Clark pretty much shoved her aside when it appeared that the real media had questions for him. If that didn’t underscore the candidates lack of motivating the younger vote, I didn’t see another moment more evident in the mediasphere.

When I was younger, I remember wanting Dukakis to win, but just seeing how he wasn’t a campaigner made it obvious that Bush Sr. was going to ride into office on the coattails of Ronald Reagan. Dukakis didn’t mount a strong enough campaign.

Perhaps the thing that I have to wonder about is that this country seems to have shifted to right. So much further than people thought in 2000. This will be an interesting election for the history books. Either way, I feel pretty good that I had this minor pulpit from which to spout off. Thanks for indulging me and thanks for your comments.

I’m fading here (having a kid will do that to you) and this will likely be my last post of the night.

Stay strong.