This sign downtown caught my eye. I didn’t even notice that my initials were contained in the letterforms until I pulled it up in Lightroom. That’s how out of it I am right now.

I’m not out of the woods. Not by a long shot. Yeah. It’s not lost on me that Friday was an anniversary. Not lost at all. That’s all I’m saying.

* * *

Affirmation: If I show vulnerability, I am not weak.

  • Tanja Gommers

    And just so you know JA means YES in Dutch! Has to be a good sign. You are doing great, keep on breathing and navel gazing, this too shall pass and you WILL find your (own) way and it will be better than you could have ever imagined. The closer you get to your innerself the easier and better life becomes, promise!

  • Amy Jacobs

    Sorry Jon…that can’t be easy at all. You can do this! Hang in there.

  • Beth Rich George

    Hang in there. That’s all I can come up with right now, but I say it with all the positive emotion one can muster over a keyboard.

  • Alexa Bucz

    Being vulnerable = being REAL…

  • Heather Olson

    I’m sorry. Creepy internet hugs to you.

  • Leann

    It takes courage to be vulnerable. Can’t hide and be open at the same time. Go for it!

  • mihow

    I do this thing with anniversaries, particularly ones out there that make me sad. I add an overlap, kind of like folding a blanket on time. This isn’t going to make much sense! I know this; but I’m going to try and put it into words anyway. I hope I don’t sound crazy!

    I have this thing with time. It can be divided into hours, minutes even. If the (painful) event is closer, I overlap down to the hours. Basically the first point in time, where you can fold it and say, “It’s been 24 hours since it happened. I got through 24 hours without him.” Fold time. “It’s Friday. A week has gone by since my heart broke.” It’s like punctuating heartache with the intention to heal.

    Maybe it’s one that was supposed to be something, like a due date that never came. That date comes around, you add a crease in time. And you get a little stronger with every fold. Soon, there’s so many folds you don’t need them anymore.

    Each overlap makes you feel a little less frantic and uneasy. That pit of acid in your stomach doesn’t punch you nearly as hard every time you face the date, person, event.

    I hope that on Saturday you were able to add a fold in time. You survived it. It’s probably still very hard, but if you guys don’t work things out, next year, you’ll add another fold. And before you know it, you’ll have another anniversary to add to the timeline, a positively wonderful one. And things won’t seem as hard anymore.

    I so hope things work out for you both. But if things don’t, you’ll find softer ground soon.

    • blurb

      This is a great way to work through difficult . There’s a kind of Murakami, Neil Stephenson thing with the visualization of the folding and creases. Thanks for sharing this. I’m going to marinate on this for awhile.

  • LA Single Girl

    Aaaahhh anniversaries L
    For me, the hardest day over the past couple of years has been Thanksgiving. They say that holidays are the worst and that sounds like something that is just said too often. But it’s true—nothing like spending Thanksgiving doing laundry and eating a regular, plain old meal to make you cry over your spilt milk.
    Pain is painful, yes.

  • terrytoons

    ” It’s like punctuating heartache with the intention to heal.”

    That might be one of the most amazing and beautiful things I’ve ever read. Thanks, Mihow.

    And Jon, those milestones are the hardest. Just don’t take them as an opportunity to woulda, coulda, shoulda all over yourself. Sending positive thoughts to you and your family.

  • Britta Best

    And it is really cool, because “Ja” means “Yes” in German!! :-)

  • Nina

    My version of ADD means I have no sense of time–I think of it as a superpower when it comes to anniversaries of any kind.