My Lawyer Advised Me Not to Respond

Heather posted a very damaging picture of me:

dude can play a tune on Flickr (Read the comments as well)

It should be noted that this photo of me playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star was the only way to make the children stop with the monotone note playing at 350db while we were all trapped indoors, blood pouring out of every orifice as we writhed on the floor in pain and misery. Also noteworthy is the fact that the cabin contains not one, but TWO recorders. I defy anyone to survive that kind of aural onslaught, much less have the raw courage to grab a recorder from a child and play a quick tune from their toddlerhood to calm them and force them to realize that they’re never going to play the recorder with such sensitivity and passion. So I took one for the team. It should also be noted that I played drums/percussion throughout middle and high schools, negating woodwind stigma that has haunted band geeks for decades.

I wish I could say that I played recorder through about 17 guitar pedals and a Marshall stack or two while wagging my mushroom and acid addled head, but I only know the C scale due to forced recorder time in the fourth and fifth grades. Any Ian Anderson similarities ended with the final year of cursive writing indoctrination and the playing of little league football.

To those who have strange primal urges towards the image that I’ll be suing my wife for posting: I later discovered that the recorder pictured has 100k volt tazer functionality to thwart closeted art/band fag bashers.