I wrote this piece yesterday, hoping to finish up this morning. I was waylaid by a cute baby. Most of what I’ve written will likely be moot as the debate unfolds and even this morning there is talk of a Blue Dog breakthrough (CNN, Politico, Fox). If you read nothing else, read this opinion piece in the New York Times (here) that outlines what the reform looks like right now and why, even if you have coverage now, you should want to see reform.

I take some time to enjoy my new baby girl and the healthcare debate appears to go to shit, hijacked by a stupid overreaction in race relations (by both sides, but I assign a higher fault the people who are supposed to be professionals: the cops) and a media desperate for ad impressions. Obama was right to say that the police acted stupidly. We pay them to carry guns and not act petulantly or expect a level of obsequiousness when confronted with the reality that a perceived burglar is in fact present in said burglar’s own home and regardless of what is going on in front of them. Christopher Hitchens over on Slate has a pretty good response (here) and one that I agree with; in short, a person, regardless of skin color in their own home can overreact as much as they want and should not be arrested. Cops did themselves no favors. Gates did himself no favors. I’m not sure this is a teachable moment in a high and lofty way as much as it is a teachable moment in how stupid people can be. That said, on to the greater issue at hand.

Not a single conservative has mentioned with any authority why we shouldn’t reform health insurance in the United States. Not one. Even my ultra-conservatives here in Utah. Still, it appears the more conservative of the Democratic Party are holding meaningful reform hostage.

There was an article on Slate.com a few months back that talked about foregoing consensus altogether. I’m not sure that’s where Obama wants to go in this fight. In my quest to stay on top of the near daily health care swings and sways I found a few articles I’d like to share.

Krugman in the New York Times talks about it here as does Steven Pearlstein of the Washington Post here. Both were linked from a fantastic article on Slate, Why You Can’t Trust Your Health Insurer.

I agree with Pearlstein when he says:

“The problem with the Blue Dogs is that they tend to confuse centrism with splitting the difference between the warring camps, or making policy by choosing one from Column A and one from Column B. The more effective centrists use their political leverage to create a Column C.”

We need a lot of Column C right now.

I also agree with Krugman:

“Reform, if it happens, will rest on four main pillars: regulation, mandates, subsidies and competition.”

“By regulation I mean the nationwide imposition of rules that would prevent insurance companies from denying coverage based on your medical history, or dropping your coverage when you get sick. This would stop insurers from gaming the system by covering only healthy people.

On the other side, individuals would also be prevented from gaming the system: Americans would be required to buy insurance even if they’re currently healthy, rather than signing up only when they need care. And all but the smallest businesses would be required either to provide their employees with insurance, or to pay fees that help cover the cost of subsidies — subsidies that would make insurance affordable for lower-income American families.”

“Finally, there would be a public option: a government-run insurance plan competing with private insurers, which would help hold down costs.”

“The subsidy portion of health reform would cost around a trillion dollars over the next decade. In all the plans currently on the table, this expense would be offset with a combination of cost savings elsewhere and additional taxes, so that there would be no overall effect on the federal deficit.”

Krugman states further that the Blue Dogs appear to be in the pocket of of the healthcare industry. Krugman cites data from the Center for Responsive Politics. See the breakdown here. The Blue Dogs don’t appear in a super high grouping in terms of sorting by money in this cycle (2008), but the powerful in both houses do factor highly. John McCain received the most at $7.4 million. The next highest is Max Baucus at nearly $1.6 million. Before the fingers start to point bear in mind that:

“Obama, who made health care reform a large part of his presidential election platform, brought in $18.8 million from the health care sector in the 2008 election cycle–far more than any other presidential hopeful.”

Money follows power. I’m not sure that the Blue Dogs are that heavily purchased by the healthcare money trail.

It appears that there is still quite a way to go before this battle is over. The White House needs to step up its public relations if it’s going to get real reform. (update: Obama’s doing two townhall meetings today in North Carolina and Virginia)

My personal view is that any kind of individual state-only reforms are useless. Only the largest of organizations could wander the maze of 50 separate sets of state regulations with any semblance of coherence. We have that now and it’s an atrocity. Real reform is going to have to happen on a national level. After decades of repeating the worst thing Reagan ever said in his inauguration:

“In this present crisis Government is not the solution to our problem. Government is the problem.”

conservatives have won a huge chunk of mindshare with this line of thinking over the past 30 years. People believe that government is “the problem” and not the solution. Obama has tried to display the opposite. In the six months Obama’s been in office, he’s had an uphill climb. Over the next few years, we’ll see solutions coming from government that help rather than hurt.

It is my view that nobody can fix healthcare except the government. Conservatives citing Canada or other horror stories are being hyper hypocritical. The saddest, scariest stories are right here in the United States. We aren’t trying to be Canada or fix Canada. U.S. elected Republicans and Democrats should be trying to fix problems in the U.S. healthcare insurance system.

Finally, the biggest underlying issue seems to be a problem with the idea of collectivism. The very notion of health insurance was created as a collective, as are things like police, fire and military. The more healthy people that are in a system to help pay for those who are not healthy means the insurance plan will cost less. We’ll spend a lot more than $1 trillion in the next 10 years on defense in the United States. That we don’t spend more to insure everyone is a travesty. Period. We didn’t seem to have a problem throwing money into Iraq under conservative power in Washington, I can’t see why there isn’t a higher moral prerogative being talked about in the media. Whether you want to agree with the government stepping in or how far the government should step in, certainly you can see that healthcare in the U.S. is broken. We no longer lead the world. It’s time to change that.

I’ll be calling my Representative, Jim Matheson (a Blue Dog who received $351,241 from the healthcare lobby/industry in the 2008 election cycle) to let him know how I feel. I encourage you to do the same with your reps.

It’s time for change. We can’t let up until we’ve got meaningful healthcare reform and health coverage for all. There is no bigger issue facing our long term economy and health of the citizenry. o

There is this cool old building in downtown SLC that is being moved, but the funding has dried up. So the building is sitting on an array of beams, jacks and braces. I’ve got a few more to share that are a little more illustrative. I can’t believe that no one has bought the building yet. o

For Heather’s birthdy we went and got sushi. I ordered a sake flight that was nicely presented but not widely varied. You can see a blurry Heather if you look carefully. o

Nature is pretty sometimes. o

I won’t lie. I’ve been terrified for four years about the thought of having a second child. Anybody who hasn’t read about Heather’s bout of postpartum depression and her stay in a psychiatric hospital to be treated should do so now (there is a good ending here and here). Are there people who read personal websites who haven’t heard Heather’s story?

I was a part of that story and it was harrowing. More harrowing than I shared or wanted to share at the time for a number of reasons. We all survived, but I didn’t want Heather to experience those horrible feelings of dread and anxiety ever again, especially around something so beautiful as bringing a new life into our family. I wasn’t sure I had the emotional and psychological reserves to get through something like that again. I still have a lot of residual painful memories, mostly of how hurt and sick Heather was and wondering during that summer of 2004 if she was going to make it or do something to both herself and Leta.

I also was thinking about Leta. Leta is a beautiful, intelligent and sweet kid. She’s also intense. More intense than any of my 30+ neices and nephews. More intense than any child I’ve ever known. Not intense in a spoiled, horrible way, but in a constantly questioning, emotionally deep way. Leta is extraordinarily sensitive to her world. Perceptive like no one’s business and a quick study. She’s sensitive, but can speak frankly and firmly when she wants, barking orders and taking no prisoners. Leta is very much a product of her parents and because of that, I felt like I owed it to her to give her every bit of attention, love, care, tutelage and wisdom I could muster. I need to help her build the armor she’s going to need to get through this world. Part of that is the need to teach her about boundaries, that life isn’t fair and that through hard work, she can achieve whatever she desires. That kind of commitment isn’t different than what other parents give their children. I know this. But for us, adding a second child would mean that our attention would be split. I assume most parents likely have this thought about adding children to their families. At least the neurotic parents. Of which, I am certainly one. I’ll wait a few moments for you to finish rolling your eyes.

My therapist told me a couple of years ago that she thought I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) around pregnancy because of what we went through as a couple in 2004. I tend to believe her. This time around, Heather assured me that she was not going to stop her meds cold turkey and would only reduce them, eliminating only those meds from her cocktail that are untested in terms of fetal development. That meant she’d still be on an anti-depressant. In 2007 we tried and were successful in getting Heather pregnant. She miscarried at 10 weeks and suffered some postpartum depression, which was totally understandable, but made me question if I had the reserves to handle severe postpartum depression again. I wanted to gear up for when we tried again. Once Heather’s system regulated and we decided we wanted a summer baby we went for it again and now we have our beautiful, sweet Marlo. Who deserves all the love and generosity we’ve shared with Leta.

I’ve been as helpful as I know how. I think I’ve done a better job this time being a supportive husband and father. Heather created the birth experience she wanted; no meds, no epidural and no episiotomy. I couldn’t have been more proud of Heather the night we drove like maniacs to the hospital with Heather writhing and Leta upset that mommy is screaming, why is mommy screaming? No mommy’s ok even though she’s super wired and kind of freaking out but is putting on the most calm happy voice she can while a baby is getting ready to come out of her. See?

Still, with all my reservations around bringing a second child into our family, I knew that I’d be home with Heather and the baby. I’d be able to be with her during the days and long nights. I’d be able to take the baby with me into the nursery while Heather slept soundly. And for the first while, that definitely was wonderful and things looked great. After a few days home, I began to see similar patterns in Heather and began to see that she was sinking fast. She wrote about how she responded and steps she’s taken here. Things are looking better and Heather’s handling all the bumps of infancy and motherhood very well. And I’m glad that we have the medical help we do, with a cocktail that works extremely well. One of the side benefits of Heather’s meds is that even though there aren’t sleeping pills as part of the mix, once she lets herself sleep, she’s out and gets solid sleep. Solid blocks of sleep go a long way to making one not go crazy. Being able to watch Marlo during the day while Heather naps helps after the rough nights, of which last night was one.

This time around, I’m definitely less worried about Heather. The baby sleeps with us and she’s doing great. Sure, Marlo can be a very noisy sleeper, like her sister, but it’s usually just gas related.

So far, the experience has been familiar, but so much better, even with the crazy sleep (to be fair to Heather, we try to spell each other during the day so naps can be taken, it’s not just me watching Marlo). I’m loving being home to help change diapers, get the baby to settle down and sleep. We have a king size bed this time around and I couldn’t recommend it more highly. Heather, Marlo and me have more than enough room to sleep. When Leta joins us in the mornings we can all fit and even allow the dogs aboard. I have more than six inches of mattress to sleep on and don’t ever fear crushing the baby. I’m sure she’ll be in the bassinet soon enough so I want to savor, as insane as that sounds, the co-sleeping.

So far, I get two to three blocks of sleep a night and get by with two or three diaper changes. I’m sure that’s going to change as the baby grows, but I’m just rolling with whatever happens. I’m astonished to even write that sentence. This time around it’s so much less about How Is Heather and more about structuring the sleeping so we are both sane. A marked jump away from walking on eggshells and getting hung up on a dozen times a day at the office.

Things That I’m Adjusting To
The shock of waking up and changing a diaper at varying times in the sleep cycle and then trying to get back to sleep. Not a whine, just an observation that wow, it can be challenging and I forgot how paralyzed by the need for sleep one can be after not sleeping normally for weeks at at time.

I’m trying to give Leta as much attention as I can, while transitioning her into big sisterhood. As I don’t produce breastmilk, Leta and I do a lot of stuff together and I tried to start the transition back when Heather first got pregnant that Leta and I would spend more time together playing, eating meals, getting ready for school, getting ready for bed, having stories, etc. Leta misses Heather greatly and we try to trade off some of the time, but I think given the recent mastitis scare, there’s only so much I’m willing to let Heather do before I turn into exactly what she does with me when I need to rest; a stern disciplinarian.

Getting up and out on time for Leta’s school run is brutal. We’ve got to make some adjustments. I don’t want to be (but already are/am) the parent who shows up late wearing a 3 day old t-shirt and bleary eyes to drop off his kid. Some work in this regard is needed.

It’s been nice to have Chuck back. He’s spent actual nights on the bed with us! This is going to sound absolutely insane, but I think Heather’s meds help Chuck stop worrying about Heather. He senses that she’s ok, that I’m not worried and the energy is really good for him so he sticks around. Coco loves her kennel. After Leta was born, Chuck wanted nothing to do with the kennel. Coco LOVES it. Puts herself to bed at night, even with the new early sleeping hours. However, I have to work with Coco about the notion of “infant” and “calm-your-shit-out-dog-we’ve-played-catch-for-45-minutes-and-your-tongue-is-scraping-the-ground-just-give-it-up-and-stop-leaping-around-like-there-isn’t-a-precious-eight-pound-baby-right-here-you-dozy-bollocksed-dog.” Coco’s getting there. Chuck has an innate ability to sense that Marlo is new and he needs to be very soft with her. One of the nights he left our room after we had fallen asleep and Marlo was really fussy (gas-related) Chuck came back in for moral support and stayed the rest of the night in bed with us. He’s a good little helper.

Thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts and wishes. I think we’re going to make it this time. o

He’s very vocal. For once. o

Taken last week on our evening family walk.

I moved about three sliders in Lightroom to finalize this for publishing. Summer light is so buttery good. o

Taken on our nightly family walk. This little guy was in the sun and then, in a blink, headed for the open bloom. He got pretty busy in there as well. I left him alone to finish.

This prompted several rounds of discussion about bees, bee stings and Leta performed an impromptu song about bees. Musical dance theater may be in her future. o

This was taken last week. It was not taken in the dead of winter.

This is a marginal photograph, but given my propensity for sleeping/dead trees I figured it was worth sharing. o

No, I did not get involved in a car wreck.

This photo required very little work, including no sky tone tweaks. I don’t know if it was the angle I shot it or a trippy sensor reading, but this photo is one of my recent favorites. I’m just starting to dust off from the recent projects and even though this was shot with a point and shoot, I dig on those tones. o