The Beard

No. Not the person who acts as a front for the real talent, as in "Who's the beard?" I'm talking about the growth on my face. It's been seven years and a lot of heartache since I last had hair on my face in a meaningful way. Seven years ago I "played" keyboards in a...

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I've hinted at this. It is time to come clean. On Christmas Eve, 1983, I rolled over the Defender at Maverik's Country Store in my small, northern Utah town. It took 2.5 hours. We're talking over a million points. I figured if I scored over a million points, I'd be...

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For the past 6 months, I've been more sick than I've ever been. According to the University of Michigan (here) I don't have hypochondria. What I do have currently is best illustrated in the visual depiction on the right. Hypochondria is about imagined illnesses. There...

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Pioneer Days

Back in the day, polygamy in the Mormon church was not for everyone. Only those in leadership positions. Generally those with some money, as supporting a large family required bank. Usually, getting a leadership position meant you had money (as it does today). I said...

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Changing Spaces

DIY mania has swept over us here at the blurbomat HQ. Key learnings: IKEA's traffic pattern is designed so that by the time you get to housewares, you are suffering from a near-homicidal need to start throwing things. And hating people. And wondering why they didn't...

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Bug Juice

My mother tried to give us variation in our diet. She really tried. It wasn't her fault. Eventually she gave up. A key turning point came when I asked my next oldest brother what he was putting on his food. His response, usually something scatalogical, was a simple,...

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Radio Killed the Video Star

One year ago yesterday: The then roommate and I (now blissfully wedded) were driving to our morning ritual of physical exercise. We, being former Liberal Arts majors, enjoyed the NPR program, Morning Edition on our 20 minute drive. As we are pulling away from our...

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Dog and Mouse

Yes. The dog loves to surf the web. Favorite sites include: Animal Precinct A site for a show he watches and yells at the bad owners. Changing Rooms A site for a show he watches begrudgingly, because his mother watches it. We think Chuck has a secret crush on...

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Life Is Too Short

For fans of (and/or people who posted the 47,000 comments) this entry, you might want to click the image below:...

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See those fleshy folds in the above illustration? I don't have them. They have been buried for a good two weeks under a solid mass of discolored mucous. I've tried everything. Fortunately, I was able to find a fiber optic camera and my lover went on ahead and took...

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Pain Math

(3x Advil + Vicodin) * Flexeril / Complex B Vitamin + Allegra D = Shaky, stuttering mass of confusion and delirium. No change from any other day, really. Enjoy this. It's the Preparation H Self Test Quiz O Rama. Best use of Flash...

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Back pain is the worst. Four days of premature grandparentisticism. And counting. The Horror. The Horror.

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"Chupacabras are goat sucking, nocturnal alien panthers who've been stranded years ago on earth." (source) I think we can all rest easy now that we know the origin of the "dog". Behold: For fans of chuck: In three resolutions (jpg format). Clicking the link will open...

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Tenacious Chuck D

Ultra topical title aside, dog ownership is awesome. Dogs have mind control powers. They look at you. They don't blink. They bend your will until you hand over the snacks. They work the cute angle better than any child actor selling breakfast...

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Some Numbers

Number of times I've sworn at the NY Times Headlines writers today

Conflicts of Interest for Donald Trump Every Day

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Personal Data