Things My Four Year Old Has Said in the Past 24 Hours

Things My Four Year Old Has Said in the Past 24 Hours

Me, father
4YO, the four year old daughter
Sarah, the former imaginary sister, now friend of 4YO
Sarah’s mom, the imaginary friend’s mom

* * *

4YO: “Dad my stomach’s growing and I’m going to barf.”

Me: “Let’s get in the car and we can have some quiet time at the condo.”

4YO [stopping in tracks, adamant]: “Dad, I’m sick and I need to get a speedometer at the condo to make me feel better.”

Me: “Ok. I’ve got just the right kind of speedometer.”

* * *

After a congratulatory trip to the potty (that would be Me congratulating 4YO):

4YO: “Sarah wouldn’t poop on the potty yesterday.”

Me: “Oh no! What happened?”

4YO: “I texted her mom.”

Me: “What did her mom say?”

4YO: “That Sarah is going to have butt medicine and can’t be a big girl so she can’t wear panties and will have to wear pull ups.”

* * *

When driving to drop her real, 9 year old sister off for a playdate:

4YO: “Sarah said that there was a monster in this car.”

Me: “There are no monsters in this car. It is safe. I’ve spent enough on repair bills and new tires this year to make absolutely certain all monsters, if there ever were any, have been removed.”

4YO: “Sarah says the monsters in this car will eat your head and make a raaaaaaawwwwwwwwwrrrrRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! sound that is very scary.”

* * *

When walking into the grocery store:

4YO: “Sarah says that the last time she was at this store, she got purple Ice Breakers gum.”

Me: “Sarah sounds very lucky.”

4YO: “She is way lucky.”

* * *

After hearing about Sarah pinching, kicking and pushing 4YO:

Me [to 4YO]: “Sarah doesn’t sound very nice. She can’t come to the condo with you unless she’s going to be nice.”

4YO: [stunned, briefly, then] “Sarah’s mom said that Sarah was in the closet with monsters today.”

* * *

4YO [with gusto and certainty]: “Sarah pinched me and I put her in time out.”

Me: “I bet that hurt. Are you ok?”

4YO: “Yeah, but yesterday Sarah killed me and I died.”

Me: “… ouch! That’s not very nice. So are you dead now?”

4YO [sadly]: “Yeah.”