I’ve never had great luck with gambling. You would think that I would avoid any form of betting, including taking on a spouse.

We were watching an episode of The Apprentice (someone needs to stand up to Omarosa, she’s a total bitch and bully. Plus, the pretense and condescension, ugh.) and I had the realization that New York possessed more of an air of facade than Los Angeles. Particularly in regard to Donald Trump. New York is a great city, but if you look closely at Trump and his 1980s roccoco leanings (and how about the technology used on the combover?), it’s as if he hired a production artist at Kinko’s to design his entire brand identity. Trump is no Louis XIV. But instead of saying that, I paused the Tivo and said, with an earnest quality that would not have been out of place in any after-school special and fueled by sleep deprivation, “New York City is actually more _facadual_ than Los Angeles. The city looks all good, but when you stop and pay attention, the sheen is only skin deep.”

Heather gave me a look. “What was that?”


“That’s not a word.”

“Let’s break out the computer and hit It is totally a real word.”

[Laughs] “Facadual?” [More laughter.]

“I’ll bet you it is. What do you want to bet?”

“I’ve got nothing.”

“How about diaper change? I’ll change the next diaper if it’s not a real word.”


I then hit Not there. That’s ok. There’s always Google.

“Let’s see its usage. Perhaps it’s not yet added to the dictionary,” I say hopefully to Heather, who at this point is trying not to laugh out loud and her entire body is shaking. Leta, who is attached to Heather, is also shaking.

I type in the word facadual into the search box and hit return (click it or it won’t be as poetic, ironic or meta once you read on).

That’s right. I’m the only entry. And guess what? It’s a post about Los Angeles.

Heather hasn’t stopped laughing, lo these ten hours later.

I changed that diaper. The facadual one. And it was poopy.