I am Married to an Ox

I am Married to an Ox

Me: “You need to put some more liquid in that smoothy smoothie mix. Can you smell the blender? It’s too thick for the blades to move.”

Her: “Shut up. I make these all the time. You don’t know what you’re doing.”

Me: “All I’m saying is that you need more liquid in there.”
[takes a spoon and scoops a healthy dollop, holding it up]

“Look, it’s too thick. You’re going to burn out the motor. It smells like slot cars in here.”

Her: “Slot cars? What the hell is that?”

Me: …

Her: “I know what I’m doing. Leave.”

Me: “Do you have a contingency plan for what you’ll do when the blender is on fire?”

Her: [rolls eyes]

Me: “Come get me calmly when it blows up.” [leaves kitchen]

Time passes. Cursing from kitchen. Smells of burning make their way through the house. More cursing. Back door opens and closes. I am silent.

Her: “Hey the smoothies are ready.”

Me: “Ok, be right there.” [enters kitchen to find blender is gone]

“Where’s the blender? What happened? It smells like ass in here.”

Her: “Whut?”


Me: “Where did you put the blender? Is it close to anything flammable?”

Her: “…” [blinks repeatedly]

Me: “You are more stubborn than an ox. A Mormon pioneer ox.”

* * *

This morning I find this out back:


click image to see larger version

She’s holding her ground despite being wrong. I can fix some things, but I can’t fix stubborn.