To Sleep Perchance

To Sleep Perchance
July 30, 2005 Jon Armstrong

Leta didn’t do so well last night. I can hear Heather’s laughter from 800 miles away in perfect Dolby 19.1. Leta woke up at 4:30 in the a.m. screaming. As this is something she doesn’t normally do, I leapt into action. The first thing I did was find someone or something to blame. Probably Grandmommie for giving Leta Diet Dr. Pepper. Heather and her mother have a way of just charging ahead with the doing of the stuff and leaving a wake. Of denial and of swirls of chaos wrapped in a light buttery mayhem tortilla. It’s one of the reasons I love Heather, but at four in the morning with piercing screams that aren’t normally there, other words and thoughts tend to enter the mind. I’m 92% certain that Leta’s lack of sleep can be attributed to Diet Dr. Pepper. Free Advice: DO NOT ALLOW ANYBODY TO FEED YOUR CHILD DIET DR. PEPPER. AT ANY HOUR, MUCH LESS DINNER TIME. I would have yelled at Heather’s mom, but am out of practice, as Heather usually takes care of that before I can open my mouth. Plus, she had watched Leta all day, and I didn’t want to seem ungrateful and make the tap dance that sons-in-law do any more difficult.

I tried to comfort her and brought her into bed, thinking that she might need a little TLC. Mistake. Our normal policy is to let Leta figure it out on her own, and if it’s serious, go get her. Well, this was serious enough to warrant a cribside pickup. I had a huge flasback to when Leta was two months old and sleeping in our bed, turning her head every 2.5 minutes with enough force to wake up anybody in contact with the mattress. She did the maneuver again this morning, periodically looking at me to verify that sleeping was what we were supposed to be doing. I would shush her and she’d shush back as she clomped her head down hard enough to bounce me.

After an hour of this, I returned her to her crib, where she slept until 7:30 a.m., which is sweet. However, I didn’t sleep so well afterwards, so the luxury sleep-in time was lost.

UPDATE: What needs to be said is that Heather is a saint for letting me travel like I did.

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