To Sleep Perchance

Leta didn’t do so well last night. I can hear Heather’s laughter from 800 miles away in perfect Dolby 19.1. Leta woke up at 4:30 in the a.m. screaming. As this is something she doesn’t normally do, I leapt into action. The first thing I did was find someone or something to blame. Probably Grandmommie for giving Leta Diet Dr. Pepper. Heather and her mother have a way of just charging ahead with the doing of the stuff and leaving a wake. Of denial and of swirls of chaos wrapped in a light buttery mayhem tortilla. It’s one of the reasons I love Heather, but at four in the morning with piercing screams that aren’t normally there, other words and thoughts tend to enter the mind. I’m 92% certain that Leta’s lack of sleep can be attributed to Diet Dr. Pepper. Free Advice: DO NOT ALLOW ANYBODY TO FEED YOUR CHILD DIET DR. PEPPER. AT ANY HOUR, MUCH LESS DINNER TIME. I would have yelled at Heather’s mom, but am out of practice, as Heather usually takes care of that before I can open my mouth. Plus, she had watched Leta all day, and I didn’t want to seem ungrateful and make the tap dance that sons-in-law do any more difficult.

I tried to comfort her and brought her into bed, thinking that she might need a little TLC. Mistake. Our normal policy is to let Leta figure it out on her own, and if it’s serious, go get her. Well, this was serious enough to warrant a cribside pickup. I had a huge flasback to when Leta was two months old and sleeping in our bed, turning her head every 2.5 minutes with enough force to wake up anybody in contact with the mattress. She did the maneuver again this morning, periodically looking at me to verify that sleeping was what we were supposed to be doing. I would shush her and she’d shush back as she clomped her head down hard enough to bounce me.

After an hour of this, I returned her to her crib, where she slept until 7:30 a.m., which is sweet. However, I didn’t sleep so well afterwards, so the luxury sleep-in time was lost.

UPDATE: What needs to be said is that Heather is a saint for letting me travel like I did.

  • Chris

    Oh man, you need a babysitter so you can catch a nap. And a beer. Not necessarily in that order. How much longer till Heather comes back?

  • dooce

    i am not in denail. and i am not in denial about being in denial. also, i am not stubborn when i get my way.

    i just needed to say that.

  • dooce

    however, i may be in denail.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Heather just hit denail on de head.

  • Holly

    I have not yet been to Denali.

  • Anne

    I am currently sitting in the basement of my in-laws’ house, where I can hear the screams of my 7-month-old who is currently getting a bath, courtesy of grandma. My 4-year-old is at a park with grandpa. If they had their way, my kids would eat nothing but butterscotch pudding and chocolate milk for days on end. I have concluded that grandparents are baby mechanics. They looooooove to tinker with the kids and let us deal with the results.

  • PlazaJen

    Um, I’m still stuck on the buttery tortilla. That was some excellent imagery, and now I want some nachos.

    But agreed, Diet Dr.Pepper at dinner? Hell, *I* can’t drink it at dinner anymore without screaming halfway through the night. Caffeine is a cruel, yet oh so sweet mistress.

  • supermanda

    diet dr pepper does the same thing to me, too.

  • Sarcastic Journalist

    Was there while visiting the in laws. To do that on your own? You deserve a medal.

  • Jessica

    She’s just reminding you that she is the princess of the house.

  • thleen

    Did Willy Wonka create Dr. Pepper? Can you hear the jingle? “Wouldn’t ya like to be a Pepper, too?”
    Something to consider :+

  • Sarah

    You tap dance? Really?

  • corinna

    the best is getting to read your lives from both prespectives. i love it! :)

  • Coyote

    Holy crap. NO ONE should injest Dr. Pepper, least of all a baby. That stuff packs five times the punch when assaulting the biochemistry of someone one-fifth the size of an adult. Duh. Do the math people!

  • AussieAndrea

    What is Dr Pepper anyway? Sorry the antipodean roots are showing. What flavour is it? Is it like cola? And do I assume, like other soft drinks, that Diet Dr Pepper is substantially worse-tasting than regular Dr Pepper?

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Andrea – I believe Dr. Pepper is supposed to be a slightly cherry-ish cola. I dunno. I’m drinkin’ one right now, and that’s about the closest way to describe it, to my taste buds anyway.

    Now if you want a reallllly good American beverage, try Vernor’s. It’s a ginger ale with a real difference from regular ginger ales (it’s spicier/fizzier/very unique). I know it’s not available everywhere, even in the States (it’s made in Michigan) but it is some gooood stuff. If you ever see it, I recommend a try.

  • TripTikGirl

    Glad to hear that you survived Jon! :)

    So, can Leta verify that Diet Dr Pepper tastes just like original Dr Pepper?

    –Yes, I highly recommend Vernor’s as well! It’s a great Detroit-made treat! :)

  • Stephanie

    Dr. Pepper is derived of prunes. PRUNES!

  • Belinda

    *Whew*…you TOTALLY saved your hiney with that final sentence, man.

  • Donovan Phillips

    Wait a sec… I was under the impression that Mormons stay away from caffeine… isn’t that a sin or something? And isn’t grandma a mormon? Or am I missing something here?

  • Anne

    Three little words every parent needs in their vocabulary: Invisible Kool Aid.

    The same fabulous vile, bizarre Kool Aid flavors that make us retch, cleverly disguised as a clear liquid your small child can pour on the rug without leaving blue and red and purple and green spots your mother-in-law will notice instantly.

    Plus you get to use the sweetner of your choice — raw sugar, regular sugar, Splenda, etc.

    And no Dr. Pepper ever.

    Sorry, I know its a southern(?) or maybe western (?) thing, but I never got it . . . heresy, I know.

  • Angela

    My husband feels your pain. I left him alone with 2 1/2 year-old *twins* while I went off to Blogher, and he informed me they were up several times each during the night.

    “You can sleep when you’re dead” has been the motto around here for, oh, 2 1/2 years.

  • Mrs. Paul

    The primary flavoring for Dr. Pepper is prune juice. Prune Juice.

    Everyone say it with me now: Prune. Juice.

  • Holy Schmidt!

    I believe what she owes you, Sir, is a blowjob.


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