Driving School

Figure 1: Driving characteristics of Utah drivers

It is worth mentioning that Utah drivers rank only slightly above the nations worst drivers: those from Idaho. After a couple of months of data gathering, our staff has presented it’s findings shown in Figure 1 (above).

Utah drivers aren’t just bad. They are insane.

Example 1 – “Rush Hour Brakefest 2k3″
Sure, Utah has traffic. For no apparent reason, in the middle of rush hour, the car in front of you will just schizophrenically start to brake for no apparent reason. There are at least 12 car-lengths between the freak in front of you and the freak in front of Cap’n Brakey “Bill” McBrakestein.

Example 2 – “Freaky Deaky Cop”
Cops hate to be followed. It bristles their very cop-being. The usual courtesy is to pass them 2-5 mph over the posted speed limit. This is the accepted practice the nation over. Except here. Here, the Sgt. Freak will, for no apparent reason, speed up to 10 mph over the speed limit, putting some distance between you, then slow down to 5 mph under the speed limit. When you signal to pass, Sarge will jump over into your lane and mash the brakes, making sure you are going under the speed limit. Amusing sidebar: All the impatient people behind you will drive like hell until they see the nutjob cop and mash their brakes. No one will pass. For twenty miles.